My Work of Righteousness

I’ve wanted to write a blog for a long time, but I didn’t know what to write about or where to start. I decided to start with the day I got saved because that moment has had an impact on every area of my life. 

            I was four years old. My sister was gone, my dad was at work, and I was home with my Mom one afternoon in March. I remember playing in the living room with my My Little Pony’s. I had always gone to church and was thinking about how I had never prayed and asked Jesus into my heart.  I knew all the verses in the Romans Road and I knew I understood the best a four year old could. It dawned on me that I wasn’t a Christian. I called my mom and told her that I wanted to pray and ask Jesus to come into my heart.  I repeated a simple prayer that my mom spoke. Something about how I knew I was a sinner and asked forgiveness and for God to save me. I remember crying tears of joy. It struck me as very odd. I had never experienced that type of joy before. I wanted to tell everyone, even people that wouldn’t care. 

            After that I became a chronic doubter of my salvation. I would tell myself, “You were only four!  How could a four year old understand something that important. If we’re saved by faith, then maybe I’m not saved because a lot of times my faith is very small.” I would occasionally pray again, just to make sure, but I never felt at peace. My pastor would always stress that a person should remember a specific time when they prayed. Over and over again I heard that I needed to remember the day and the place and I did, but there were still doubts. Every time I heard a message about people that think they are saved but aren’t or when someone would give a testimony about how they prayed when they were young and thought they were saved, but weren’t I would feel such conviction. I would tell myself to think on things that are true and not trust my emotions. This went on into adulthood.  I felt like David in the Psalms. Sometimes I felt like God was so far away and sometimes he was so close. I thought if I prayed more or spent more time reading my Bible I would be able to get rid of the fear. My pastor preached a lot about the rapture and I was so afraid it was going to happen and I would be left behind. I knew what the Bible said and I believed it, but I couldn’t make myself feel saved. 

            A couple years ago at my church, Suber Road Baptist, my pastor said in one of his sermons that it isn’t the amount of faith we have it’s the object of our faith.  “Yes!  That’s it!” I said to myself.  “Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us.”-Titus 3:5  Trying to have enough faith to feel saved was my “work of righteousness. It was at that moment I finally had a lasting peace and I haven’t had any doubts since. I believe God chose me before time began and that He drew me into Himself.

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.: not of works lest anyone should boast”-Eph 2:8-9