What Were You Thinking?

     Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking about when He created me?  He says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I know everything He makes is very intentional and with great thought. I can see evidence of that in His other creations. Have you ever noticed the detail and symmetry of something in nature or how something is created in a very unique way to suit a special purpose? God made me to be a quiet and reflective person. I know He had a reason for that. I know it was intentional and thought out.

     One day, when I was in high school,my pastor/teacher called me into his office and told me that I needed to change my personality. I think he was trying to encourage me, but he was really bad at it. He told me I needed to come out of my shell and not be so withdrawn.  He was a big reason for the shell. I was very intimidated by him and he made fun of me often, but he made fun of a lot of people. He often didn't know when to stop as do most people with that personality type. We all have our obstacles to overcome. For a long time I thought that people wouldn't accept me unless I was more outgoing. I just couldn't will myself to be that way, so I came to the conclusion that because I was quiet I would never have any real friendships. I accepted that I would not be loved or do anything great for God because of the quietness I could not overcome. When someone did reach out to me, I figured they were doing it for the  purpose of ministry not because of friendship. In my mind they were either just trying to get me to keep going to their church or they were trying to do a good deed. I always felt that my quietness was a very negative thing. I'm learning that God created me this way on purpose to better do the things he wants me to do. I'm trying to figure out what my gifts are and use them for God's glory. There are many  obstacles I'm trying to overcome. I'm very intimidated by men, especially those in authority, and I do tend to isolate myself from people. I'm working on that and I'm a lot better than I was. I've discovered that the more people accept me the way I am, the more comfortable I am around them and the more I do come out of my shell. I'm thankful for my friends that have been very patient with me and, at times have pulled me way out of my comfort zone. Some have encouraged me to do things that I really wanted to do, but was just too afraid.

Psalm 139 13-16
For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.