I wish I could sit down with Mr. Finch and discuss his parenting style. Unfortunately, the fact that he is a fictional character, makes this rather impossible. If the name Atticus Finch sounds familiar , you may have read To Kill a Mocking Bird at some point in your life. Atticus had a seven year old daughter. She liked to wear overalls, hang out with her brother and do boyish things. I have a seven year old daughter. She likes to dress like Spiderman. The ladies in the town thought Scout needed to start wearing dresses and look like a girl. Atticus didn't care. She was who she was. Scout and her brother, Jem respected their father, not just because he was their father, but because he lived his life in a way that deserved respect. When Scout and Jem had an argument, Atticus would sit down with them and patiently listen to both sides before making a decision. He was very honest with them. The kids knew they could go to him any time and ask him any questions they had. He would always give them an honest and real answer. They knew they could trust him.
I want to be a parent like Atticus Finch. I want to be really honest with my kids. I want them to ask me tough questions and make me think. I want to learn and grow with them and work through things together. I want our relationship to grow steadily into adulthood. I want my kids to respect me because of the way I live, not just because I'm their parent. I want them to trust me to give them honest answers without judgment.
We probably would all like to have a dad like Atticus Finch, but Atticus Finch is not real. My family looked really good on the outside. We went to church whenever the doors were open, my dad was a deacon and my mom was the church secretary. I have good memories of playing with my dad when I was very young. I remember him playing board games and making forts with my sister and me. When I became a teenager our relationship suddenly changed. He completely shut me out of his life. I guess he figured teenage girls were too difficult to parent, so he didn't try. Once in a while I felt like I was getting closer to him and then he would say something that made me feel so unwanted. I know I was not without fault during those years. There were some things I was going through and really no one I could turn to. I think girls naturally want to be close to their fathers. He made it clear that he just wanted me to grow up, get married and move out. I wanted that too, but a person can only grow up as quickly as time will allow. I really don't know if my dad loved me during that time in my life. Maybe he loved me, but didn't like me. He was obviously going through some things himself. I will probably never know. I have forgiven him. I know he raised me the best he knew, and I know he loves me now, and life goes on, but there are always consequences. I've never had a real conversation with my dad. Our conversations will probably never go beyond small talk. I love him. He's my dad, and I like it when he comes to visit, but there is no depth to our relationship.
Sometimes when a person is the most difficult to love that is when they need you the most. Children want what we all want. Someone to love them unconditionally, someone to listen to them with an open mind, and not pass judgement. Be an Atticus Finch. Don't stop being a parent before your job is done. The last part of a race is the hardest. Now is the time to sprint and give it all you've got.
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.....until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."- To Kill A Mockingbird
Great thoughts, Lisa!
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