2012

2012 is a year of great highs and lows for us. This year is filled with disappointments and new experiences.

   MARCH   -We go to a Casting Crowns concert. This is our first experience going to an event of this nature. We're excited and nervous. "What if we're the only ones not holding up our hands", we think. Contrary to what we've been taught growing up, it is an amazing experience being with so many people worshiping God together. Matthew West is there and we decide if he ever comes to Greenville again, we will go to his concert.

   We find out Brady doesn't get to go to  Brushy Creek. This is a shock to us, because we thought we registered him early enough. We are also surprised because Faith goes to school there and we thought they would try to keep siblings together. We don't know what to do. We try all we can to get him into Brushy Creek while considering our other options.

    Jason doesn't get the job in Travler's Rest he applied for earlier in the year. It is an executive position for the YMCA and we know he has a really good chance of getting the job. It is very close and he makes it as far as he can in the process without getting the job. This is a disappointing experience because it was very promising and seemed like the opportunity we had been waiting a long time for.

   JUNE   -Jason is contacted by the CEO of a YMCA association in NC. He wants Jason to apply for an executive position that will be opening up soon. They meet for lunch and talk about the branch and the area. We consider it, but decide it will require us to give up far too much. It is an especially hard decision because we are still disappointed about the TR job and this one seems to fall in our lap.

   The kids have a fun summer going to camp at the Cain Halter.  It is great for them to have something to do and it allows the kids to see their dad a little more when he takes them to work with him in the morning. He's usually able to take a few minutes to visit with me when I come to pick the kids up in the afternoon. Most days that is the only time I see him. They go to tennis, science and wrestling camp. Faith enjoys wrestling camp more than Brady does. Of course, she's the only girl. Brady really likes tennis camp and would  do it all summer if he could. Faith likes science camp the best. She disects a shark and I think that it's the highlight of her summer. Kasey is even able to go to Kindercamp. She feels so grown up carrying her lunchbox to the Y.

   The summer is half over and we still don't know what to do with Brady. We narrow our choices down to Brook Glenn or online public school. We are quickly running out of time and aren't happy with any of our options.

   JULY  -We start taking ball room dance lessons. It's an anniversary gift from Jason. He knows it is something I always wanted to do and puts his own reservations aside to do this with me. It turns out he enjoys it as much as I do and we continue to take lessons. It's so natural to want to move when you hear music and so satisfying to know how. I believe dance is the other half of music. I love watching people waltz who do it well. I hope I get to that point some day. And it all started one day when I said to Jason," Hey, do you want to go dancing at the Presbyterian church?" Words he never thought he'd hear me say, I'm sure.

   We still feel really discouraged about Jason's job. At the end of the summer we learn about two opportunities that will keep us here. Sometimes a person just needs a little bit of hope to hold on to.

   AUGUST  -We decide Brady will go to Brook Glen. The school doesn't look very impressive from the outside and the ratings aren't great, but we figure there are probably some really good teachers there and maybe Brady will get one. When we meet Brady's teacher it is clear to us that this is not the school for him. I  look at Jason and say to him, "Please don't make me drop him off here on Thursday." I am thankful he feels the same way. It's Monday and school starts in three days and we still don't know what to do with him. That's when we decide to home school. I think we are down to plan C. I home schooled Faith for kindergarten, and it was great, but she is much different from Brady. Now I'm part of the "home schooling club" and people keep telling me I'm doing the right thing, but I don't feel like I belong in that club and I don't think it's the right thing for either of us, but it seems like it's my only choice. The only time I have to myself, and the only time I have to clean my house is now spent teaching Brady. With Jason working so much, it's incredibly difficult to be with the kids all day without a break. Teaching Brady at home involves a lot of yelling. I've always felt that of all my kids, homeschooling would be the worst option for him. Both of us take turns going to our rooms to cry. It is not working at all. We decide to check out Chandler Creek. We looked at that school years ago when we were trying to find a place for Faith and we didn't like it much, but we are so desperate now and have to be open to other options. We actually love the school when we visit the second time with Brady. The faculty and staff are very kind to us and make us feel very comfortable sending Brady there. Brady and I are so happy that he will be going to school again. I know our indecisiveness was hard for him after being so excited about going to school all summer.  I am concerned how I will be able to pick them both up at the same time at two different schools in opposite directions, but Faith rides the YMCA bus to the Y where I pick her up, and it all works out.

   SEPTEMBER  -We learn that one of the two local job opportunities will not work out for us.
We are all still really struggling with the hours Jason is working, but there is nothing we can do about it except just push through it. Relationships suffer as a result. I miss the days when the worst thing that could happen is the van breaking down. Eventually, we begin to feel more content. We finally get to that place where we have no will of our own, or maybe we're just so exhausted emotionally. We stop fighting to make things work and submit and decide to be thankful. A few days later, the van and car need repair the same day. Sometimes you just have to laugh.

   The other job possibility begins to unfold. It is a specific opportunity that I have been praying would happen for years. It's exciting, but we are very cautious about getting our hopes up. We recognize the pattern.

   OCTOBER  -We find out once again that the opportunity isn't going to happen for us. Jason still works a lot of hours. We both feel overwhelmed with our jobs- his at the Y and mine at home. I find it very difficult to give the kids the attention they need and keep order in the house. Jason is home for dinner about twice a week. Sometimes it seems like he comes home just to sleep. It often feels as though things just aren't working out for us to stay here, but there's nothing causing us to leave. We finally start to enjoy living here, but we try to have an open mind. There are days when I'm sure we're suppose to stay; we just have to keep being patient, and there are days I feel we've hit a dead end and it's time to move on. We've been waiting for two years. I think it might be time to try to open some doors and see if God closes them. Our future is uncertain. The most frustrating thing is that we are not any closer to figuring out what to do than we were a year ago.

    I run my first half marathon. I guess sometimes we do things just to see if we can. I am thankful for the beautiful morning and strength to be able to run. During the race I see a little girl holding a sign that says, "Run strong, because it is God's gift". It really is.
   Later that night,we go to a Matthew West concert. It is nice to be able to bring Faith with us this time and enjoy the experience with her.  The second half of the concert he shares some of the stories behind his songs and it is very moving.
   The next week Jason and I visit Asheville. It's strange not being parents for a day and a half and having the freedom to be adventurous and spontaneous. We both really need this trip and I'm thankful for in-laws that recognize that need and are taking care of the kids for us.

  NOVEMBER  -We spend Thanksgiving with the Slamas like we do every year. My family all happens to be in town due to the arrival of my new nephew, but they ask us not to come. We are always welcome at Dan and Kelly's. Sure it's loud and chaotic at times, but it's comfortable there. It feels like we are with family. I'm thankful God puts the people into our life that we need. Dan and Kelly have been a blessing to us since we moved here seven and a half years ago. Wow, has it really been that long!

 DECEMBER  -Faith and I go to our first ballet. I've loved the Nutcracker since I was a little girl and I finally get to see it with my little girl.  We have a really nice time and are able to share the experience with some new friends.

   I get to go with Jason and Faith to deliver the Angel Tree presents tonight. I think, " how can there be so many needy families in a town filled with churches". I want to do more. Even though it brings me joy to deliver the gifts, it is a very sorrowful weekend. Earlier that day was the school shooting in CT. That night we visited a nursing home and sang to the people living there and were able to talk to some of them. They were so happy to see us there and they didn't even know us. Some of them were there physically, but their minds were somewhere else. Others seemed starved for company. Early Monday morning Jason's grandpa passes away. He and his wife had been married for sixty-six years. Jason and I were married on their anniversary. They had four kids too. His daughter (Jason's mom) was caring for him when he died. I find it very difficult to sleep being forced to face the reality of death. Those kids in CT were so young and so full of life and adventure. They probably didn't even know about death until that day. I know my little kindergartner thinks he lives in a safe world where everyone lives forever. Those in the nursing home had lived their lives and were finished having adventures. Jason's grandpa lived a good long life. I can't get over the pain of sharing a life with someone for sixty-six years and then one moment he's gone. I think of the daughter taking care of the father she loves as she watches him pass away. I wonder if that will be Faith and Jason one day. I drop Brady off at school a few hours after we got the phone call from Jason's mom. I know it will be hard. I'm tempted to keep him home with me, but I know I can't give in to my fears. One of his teachers is outside to meet the students as they are dropped off. I can see the sadness in her face behind the external smile. She feels it too and knows the pain in each parent's heart as they drop their little kindergartners off. I fight back the tears as I tell him I love him- as though it's a normal morning, because of course to him it is.  I cry on the way to work. I know we have hope in the resurrection and Christ took away the sting of death, but it still hurts.

    Jason is mostly off for the rest of the month. This is the best time of the year. It's so nice having him home- immediately the stress level subsides. I try not to think about how much he'll be working in January. 

   This year I learned that when people say, " God doesn't give us more than we can handle", they're lying. He gives us so much all we can do is cry out to Him in our distress. Sometimes we don't get an answer. Sometimes He lets us suffer and we just have to trust Him. Sometimes we feel He has forgotten us, but we know that's not true. We know he has a plan for us- a future and a hope. We experienced moments of great excitement and anticipation. We experienced times of discouragement and hopelessness. There were times we wanted to give up; there were times we did. Some days everything fell apart. Some days we couldn't talk to each other because the stress was just too great.  We learned a lot about the hard work necessary to keep relationships together, and how easily families can fall apart when there isn't balance. I learned that sometimes you have to look a little harder to find things to be thankful for, but they are ALWAYS there. We have planned not to have plans at this point in our life. Though it would be very difficult to leave, perhaps there are new friends to meet, places to explore and adventures to have.



 “We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer


Ten Things I got to do for the first time in 2012
1. ballroom dancing
2. enjoyed the view from the Blue Ridge Parkway while the mountains and road were covered with snow
3. new hikes and waterfalls, Triple Falls was my favorite (thanks for putting the idea in my head, Mitch)
4. went to a ballet
5. visited the Grove Park Inn
6. went to a CCM concert
7. tried champagne 
8. ran a half marathon
9. went swing dancing at the Handlebar
10. tried rusks, mulled wine and mincemeat pie (thanks, Billy and Rachel)

I'm not allowed in schools -God

"Dear God,
Why do you allow so much violence in our schools?

signed,
 a concerned student

Dear Concerned Student,
 I'm not allowed in schools.

God


A few people posted this on FB the day after the school shooting. In my experience this has not been the case. I remember my teacher and principal leading my class and school in prayer in my elementary days. My daughter, on several occasions stood in front of her class and read Bible stories or sang songs she learned at church. When we lived up north our pastor went to a public high school and had chapel services there with some of the students. So please don't blame violence in public schools on God not being there, because He is. His presence is more known in some than others, but He is there. The truth is there is violence in schools because there is sin in this fallen world. We know that it is not because God is absent, and we know it's not because God doesn't love us or that He is not in control. We know that this is not the way He designed the world to be and that's why it hurts so much when these things happen. We can be comforted to know He is coming back someday to make everything right again. Some of those teachers lost their lives to protect the students they loved. Where do you think that kind of love comes from? God help those parents that didn't get to pick their kids up from school, the pain must be unbearable.

The Wedding

I was reading about the miracle of the water being turned into wine. Everyone at the wedding was celebrating and enjoying the wine so much they ran out. Jesus came to their rescue by changing the water into wine so they could continue their celebration. I started thinking about a Baptist pastor in that situation. It was hard to imagine a Baptist pastor even making an appearance at a wedding reception that served alcohol, but I pictured him running to the store to buy more wine when they ran out at the reception so they could continue drinking. However, I couldn't see that happening in real life. I think sometimes we live our lives filtered through the culture of the church rather than through the Gospel.