2016

We had such an amazing year! Jason finally got that huge promotion he's been working so hard for and I just adore cleaning the same things over and over again, especially the pee on the bathroom floor. What a blessing to be able to serve my family in that way! Of course, we spent part of the summer at the beach all of us dressed in white and khaki, constantly smiling and taking selfies. Just kidding, none of that happened, actually.....




January began the year with our marriage falling apart. I use to think it not a big deal to hear couples announce twenty year anniversaries, but I get it now. For couples to stay married for twenty plus years and for both participants to be happy about it is quite an accomplishment and represents a lot of work.

February brought our first visit from DSS. I picked the kids up from school and noticed Cailen had new clothes and shoes on and all the kids were really excited about it. He's one of my kids that I have to ask everyday if he has underwear on. Sometimes he does, sometimes he lies, and sometimes I'm just trying to get everyone from point A to point B. That day he slipped by. They questioned Cailen, and then they questioned the other kids. To make a long story short, DSS showed up unexpectedly,  heard our side of the story, had a good laugh, and that was that. However, with all the conflict going on in our marriage and now conflict with the teachers, it was more than I could handle.

In February we officially became members of the church we had been attending for the past couple years. While listening to our meeting with one of the pastors and hearing our stories Brady decided to become a Christian later that night.

March brought adventure in the form of a family road trip to all the Southern states. We visited 8 states in 7 days and I'm pretty sure all the kids caught a bad case of wanderlust that will likely last a lifetime. I was able to catch up with a friend I hadn't seen in about twenty years, meet some cousins and spend time with my aunt and uncle. I miss them. I miss drinking coffee around the kitchen table in the morning and drinking not coffee outside in the evening.

April gave us new experiences. Brady and I did a color run with some friends.  It was Brady's first 5K and his time was 35 min. One friend was suppose to be there, but was battling some personal demons, so her husband ran in her place. And there was that other friend who is always running late, but she made it.....eventually. It was a fun day, but so many emotions.

May had a funny story. We were driving to school one morning and Cailen said, "Oh no! We need to bring dog things to school! Brady said, "dogs like socks! Here, take this sock." and he picked up a random dirty sock from the floor of the van, and then Kasey said, "dogs like water, take this water bottle!" and she picked up her half full plastic water bottle from days before. I figured Cailen was learning about dogs in school and he had to bring things to share. A little unconventional, but it was sweet how his siblings helped him out with his project. Later I found out his class was collecting dog things to donate to the Humane Society. My relationship with Cailen's teacher continues to grow.

June was an opportunity for a do over. I always wanted to run off and get married by the sea, but never had the opportunity, so we set off for the pacific northwest and renewed our vows among , rugged black rocks being rhythmically beaten with clear, turquoise water. It was a beautiful place called Cape Perpetua. The subtle event wasn't filled with romantic emotion, but it was real. The occasion was in a place of wonder, peace, and potential danger, much like life. Professing new vows didn't solve all our problems and erase all the hurt, but it was a new commitment and a new beginning.  We still struggle.

July gave us Evelyn and the kids. They moved in fourth of July weekend. People warned us about their bad experiences of having friends move in and how it destroyed relationships, but I gained a sister during that five month time and I think we both helped each other in different ways.

October was a fulfilled dream...sort of. We spent a weekend in GA hiking the beginning of the  Appalachian Trail. I was having some difficulty with depression  at the time and there were barriers in our communication. I believe the place we stayed was struggling with depression as well. It was really horrible. We felt like we accomplished the thing we set out to do, but it was a sad reminder that marriage takes a lot of maintenance and you can't get things in order and expect everything to stay that way as you coast through life.

November gave us an expensive plumbing emergency, lice for the kids for the 522nd time and a car accident. It's a mystery to me how the impact was so small and the damage so great. It was actually the most positive car accident I've ever experienced. We were able to buy a new old van with our insurance money later to find out that the van was a year older, had more mileage on it than was disclosed, and needed about $2,000 worth of work. Kids, when you go out and buy a car have a mechanic check it out first even if you're really busy.

November is also the month of my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving is one that is still pure and filled with love and hasn't been overcome with materialism and greed, at least not yet. We had the best time this year with many people from diverse backgrounds , beautiful stories, and beautiful souls.  Evelyn and the kids moved out that week. It was bittersweet. It was nice to put my house back in order, but it did feel like a big piece of my family was missing. We love them.

December Usually gives us a lot of much needed quality time together but this year on the first day of Jason's vacation his car didn't start and he spent the whole week trying to get that figured out. He was able to buy a new old car on his last day before going back to work.

And always December brings time for reflection. The biggest struggle I've had this past year is pushing all my feelings down because I don't want to feel and  I don't want to hurt anyone, but as a result, I created a war within myself. I'm learning a lot about the proper way to be angry with someone, we first have to deal with our own sinful anger from the injustice, forgive the other person, and then go talk to them, because only then can we constructively show mercy, bring justice, and move forward. I felt as though I was pushed past my limits this year in so many different ways. I experienced crying out to God to give me more love for people and the ability to show more grace. It was not in my own strength. I was far too stretched beyond what I was able.

Ecclesiastes 7:8 "Better is the end of a thing than its beginning,
    and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit."

Happy Halloween

I hear people say that Halloween cannot glorify God and that is why they do not take part. I respect others convictions and understand why they would feel that way and I admire them for standing by their convictions when they are in a minority. However, when I began to think about it, some people do not glorify God when they go to church and some do glorify God when they celebrate Halloween. If one's motive for church attendance is  to gain favor with God, feel more religious, or merely do what Christians do they are not glorifying God. And, if a family participates in Halloween activities by  being creative, bonding with family and building relationships in the community then they do glorify God. For centuries Christians have been taking pagan culture and redeeming it much like God has done to us. Many of our old hymns are sung to old bar songs and many of our Christmas and Easter symbols and traditions come from pagan roots. Some Christians celebrate Halloween the same way Atheists  celebrate Christmas.  I think we need to be careful when we say some things are not redeemable. We need to examine our motives and remind ourselves that our motives are not all the same and show each other grace. 

You Have To Share!

"You have to share!" I've said these words countless times, but this time it was different.  It was those two words, "have to" that arrested my attention. I felt as though I was implying, "Yes, it's yours and you are entitled to it, but I'm going to guilt you into loving someone out of obligation."  And then God said, "No, you get to share!"  That child had an opportunity to experience the joy of giving and serving another person in love, but he didn't see it from that perspective and quite often neither do we. Jesus said if we do it to the least of these we  do it unto Him. Last week I was walking, caring three bags and a toddler who forgets she can walk at the most inconvenient times. A random person carried one of my bags for me. That's a really small thing, but one that will probably stay with me. Look around you! There are people all over that are in need of things or love and just wish you would share.

Random Thoughts on Marriage and the Trinity

I think about God creating us in His image in terms of marriage. One gender can not encompass all that is represented in the Trinity. A man and a woman compliment each other in a way that gives us a glimpse of the mystery. I think about the two of them coming together in marriage and unity creating life which reminds me  all members of the Trinity were present in the beginning, creating life. Amazing. It's no wonder Satan is working so hard to destroy marriage, gender, and unborn babies.