I Love You More Than Chocolate- My Experience With Lent

I always thought lent was a predominately Catholic observance done in order gain favor with God. I thought of it as a "work of righteousness".   I was actually brought up around spiritual leaders who made fun of those with the ashes on their foreheads and those who participated in Lent. After moving down South I learned that other Christian denominations participated, but still didn't really know what it meant. It seems like most people give up chocolate or FB. I wondered if it was more of an act of self control and will power or if it could be a sacrifice offering to God done out of love.  The more I researched it and observed it in people I knew the more it weighed on my heart to observe it myself. I love Easter. It's the holiest of all holidays. All of Christianity rests on the resurrection. I wanted to celebrate Easter in a deeper more worshipful way. Maybe participating in Lent was that way. I asked questions and talked to people and did research on line to figure out how Lent could be worship. I had 2 problems standing in my way. 1. If people knew that I was participating I would become self righteous and 2. If I give something up I would likely replace it with something else just as binding.  I thought this was really beautiful -" the act of giving up will naturally cause you to go to God when you face temptation, whether it be money, time, or food. Think about something binding YOU. Commit to change and when you are tempted, ask God to remove the temptation and trust in the Holy Spirit. It's a beautiful way to lean on God and deny self."

It's Feb 18. The traditional first day of Lent. I want to do this and God has been laying this on my heart for two years and He gave me not only one, but two things to give up. I want to commit, but I'm afraid I won't be able to do it. God gave me His life and daily grace and if I can't give these two things up for a time, how weak I am.

I'm a week in. I'm struggling today thinking about how much longer I have. It's kind of like running a marathon without training for it. It's something that seems impossible and in fact I know it is because I've tried on my own relying on will power and determination to give these things up and failed. My purpose is to give up these two things as a sacrifice. For me, this is a time of fasting, repentance, moderation, self reflection and worship. I've been disciplined to get up earlier, before 5 to devote more time to read Scripture, but I'm also trying let the Spirit lead rather than try to lead the Spirit. It would be typical for me to schedule time for worship and then get frustrated when the feelings weren't there. I've found myself worshiping in unusual places. The zumba instructor ended the class with "Overwhelmed" and yes, I worshiped in zumba class. I also felt led to read the Gospels.

I'm really thinking about adding these 2 things back into my life. It seems like giving them up has been very self centered. It's been good for me to give them up for a time because there was a lack of self control and a habitual dependence but I don't see how it's drawing me closer to God.  I have been getting up earlier to have more time for Scripture reading and I do feel like that is preparing me for Easter. I just finished reading the book of Matthew and I've been reading a lot of lent centered devotionals on line. 

I felt very frustrated and only lasted a week and a half. I feel like the disciples who couldn't even stay awake as Jesus prayed in the Garden. I still want to practice some form of Lent to prepare my heart for Easter, but I'm not sure how. I've been studying Acts and there were some Christian Jews who still participated in the Old Testament traditions after their conversion and it was okay for them to do it. In fact, being converted probably gave the traditions more meaning and they did it out of love, but they were considered weaker brothers because they needed them. I'm not sure what to take away from my experience.