2013 -A Year in Review

January-  Jason applied for a job in Delonega, GA the end of 2012 and in January, he found out the position had been filled. There was also an associate executive position that was very likely in Spartanburg, but they decided to restructure instead of hire someone new.

February- Due to a miscommunication we found out that the Spartanburg job is still a possibility, but we are very doubtful that it will work out though it seems like it would be a good fit.

We got to try archery with our friend, Noelle and had so much fun!  I want to do it again.

March- We decided that we want to rent our house and move closer to the Y. We found a house right behind the Y property. We could have easily walked there. We  made an offer but there was another offer on the house and we didn't get it.

We found out Brady didn't get into Brushy Creek again this year, but he's on the waiting list.

 The Spartanburg job didn't work out.

We got to go to Charleston. We were back and forth about weather or not we should go due to the weather. We decided to go since Jason's parents were here and it would be nice to get away, but it was so cold and windy!

When we got back, the kids got their first real pet- a little bunny Cailen named Chocolate Chip.

May- A position in Duncan SC opened up and Jason applied. It was a good location for us because we wouldn't have to move out of the area, but we're already disappointed that he didn't get the job. It's really hard to get excited because so many have fallen through. This is the eighth  time he's had opportunity for promotion. Most of those have been within the last two years.

We found out Brady is fifth on the waiting list and they said that was a good thing. The school was very optimistic about him getting in this year, so we were encouraged by that.

We're still looking for a house, but there isn't anything for us right now. We're enjoying fixing up our yard
 while we wait.

June- Jason made it into the top 10 for the Duncan job, but didn't get it. We're still looking for a house. The waiting is hard.

Brady didn't get into Brushy Creek but he has a really great teacher this year. She's someone I've known for years through the Y and I'm so glad he has her.  

September- We changed churches. I don't think people realized how difficult of a decision that was for us. Not only to leave a good church that we've been a part of for 8 years, but to leave a certain type of church that was comfortable for something very different. I'm afraid we've lost friends in the process, not because they were upset that we left, but because we're not a part of their church anymore. We're still struggling to get use to such a big church and it's taking longer to get to know people and feel connected, but we're glad we're there and the kids are doing great.

I saved for 6 months so Brady and I could go up in a hot air balloon for my birthday.  We tried 4 times to go up , but the weather just wouldn't cooperate. We'll try again someday.

October- Jason applied for a job in Asheville and another opportunity in Greenville. We were really excited about the possibility of moving to Asheville because it wasn't too far away so moving would be less complicated and we would still be able to see our friends. I was excited about cooler and snowier weather.  Unfortunately, he didn't get the Asheville job. We were really disappointed because we would have loved to live there.

Since the job and the house weren't working out and the kids were getting older, we figured it was time to do some traveling. We were too poor to travel before we had kids so maybe now is the time for that. We have a list of places we want to go and are excited.

November- We went on our first big trip to the Caribbean. The water was so beautiful- that's what I wanted to see. We had a really nice time and we're excited about all the other places we will get to see. We went to Grand Cayman and Cozumel Mexico.

When we got home we got a call from Brady's school and they had some K-4 kids move away and they had a spot for Kasey. That was so unexpected and we were all so excited for her to start school. Brady and Kasey had a new bond being in the same school. He walks her to class every morning and looks for her as soon as school gets out. It's really sweet to see them like that.
A couple weeks after vacation, the day Kasey started school I found out we were going to have another baby. It was a shock and we could not be more unprepared.  I gave away all my maternity clothes and baby things. We have nothing and we live in a 1,400 sq ft 3 bedroom house with almost no yard.  I guess the traveling will be put on hold.

December- We found a house in a really nice neighborhood with a huge back yard- over 1/2 an acre. It almost made me cry to see the kids running around with so much space to play. I wanted to be able to give that to them. They've never had that at our house. It needed A LOT of cosmetic work, but it was at the low end of what we wanted to spend so we decided to make an offer. Our realtor informed us that there were already multiple offers, so we let it go.

A couple days after Christmas our realtor sent us some info on a house. We went to look at it a couple hours later and she came and let us in the house and we made an offer that night. It has everything we wanted and we're so excited.

There are some issues with the appraisal because of the condition of the house so it's getting complicated and the house might need more work than we initially thought, so now we're not sure and we're waiting to see how it plays out. 

We're trying to be content and trust God, but He doesn't promise us that we will have a bigger income and a 4 bedroom house with a big yard for our kids. Maybe He wants us to stay here another year and keep waiting. Life just feels so out of control right now.  I hope 2014 is the year everything falls into place.

Being Remembered

When you ask someone, "What do you want to be remembered for?" They will usually respond that they want to be remembered as someone who is compassionate, a giver, gracious, etc.  But what do we spend most of our days accomplishing? - cleaning house, catching up on tv, working out, hobbies, etc. How much time do we really spend on those qualities that we consider most important? What do you want to be remembered for?

All You Need is Love

I'm currently reading the book, "Running Scared" by Edward Welch. I came across the sentence -"Sometimes we are anxious about the future because there is no larger agenda that occupies us in the present. Love, however, is an expansive agenda." This came at an interesting time. I had just finished celebrating my birthday by spending my money on random acts of kindness.  I could see the truth of this statement in my life. When my focus was on loving others by showing acts of kindness- thinking and praying about the recipients, my anxiety about life was gone because love was greater than my anxiety. When my birthday was over and all my cards were given out and life returned to normal, I became more anxious and discontented with my circumstances and where I am in life.

Scizophrenia Over the Modern Church

Our regular church didn't have an evening service last week so we took the opportunity to do something we've been wanting to do for a couple years- visit a more "modern" church. You know the type, jeans, long hair, drums, etc.  We were curious. When we walked into the building the dialogue in my head kept alternating between, "Wow, these are regular people being themselves and coming together to worship, how refreshing." and "I can't believe Christians would dress like that for church! Don't they know it's not appropriate." As far as the music, "That's too worldly" and "I love this! finally music in church that leads me to worship." I was disgusted with myself for my prejudice and judgmental attitude. Honestly, I really enjoyed the preaching, the music was great and I would like to go back.

Parenting- The Blessing of Love and Heartache

I don't think any parent is prepared for the heartache of raising children- those moments of trying to get them to obey, apologize and mean it, deal appropriately with anger or not so simply getting them to eat their dinner. In those moments the children don't see the quiet tears and desperate prayers. It you love your child, there will be heartache.

I remember a time when Faith was a baby. I laid her down on the bed next to me and just looked in amazement at this little five and a half pound baby. I had never held a baby that small and we waited so long for her. I just couldn't believe she was really mine. Even though I was twenty six, I still felt like a child myself. I knew it was a rather insignificant moment, but one that I would always remember.

That sweet little baby quickly turned into a not so sweet three year old and no books or parenting classes could have prepared me for that. I thought when a child threw a temper tantrum, you disciplined them, talked to them and that was that. Problem solved. Little did I know that the tantrum would continue, resulting in kicking, screaming, throwing hard objects at me, last for hours at a time and happen frequently. There were many times I cried in my room with the door closed, frustrated that I tried everything I knew and nothing seemed to help, wondering how she was going to turn out when I didn't know how to correct her behavior.

Now she's nine. It's like she's a different person, so sweet and teachable. She still struggles and I still fail her, but when she gets frustrated and yells at her siblings I can talk to her about anger. We talk about better ways to deal with frustration and I tell her I have a hard time with that too. She lives with me, she knows. They must think I'm such a hypocrite at times- yelling at them to stop yelling.  She got saved a few years ago and I can tell she has an inward desire to do right. It's not because of my amazing parenting ability, it's because of God's grace in her life. There's no doubt about that. I'm thankful and blessed to be a tool He uses to help her.

In a way, I'm thankful for that very difficult year when she was three. I'm thankful she was more than I could handle and I'm thankful I didn't know what to do, because I can't give myself credit for how she's turning out and I can't give her credit for always being good. I'm still burdened for my children and I still fail them daily and I still try everything I know and sometimes it's still not enough, but I know they belong to God and He loves them. He imagined them in His heart and created them just the way they are. I can look back and see how God has taken care of Faith and know He is taking care of the others even if I can't see it clearly yet.  Maybe God doesn't want us to be perfect parents. I know with me it would become a source of pride and I would give myself the glory.  I know He expects us to do our best and trust Him with His children. I think He just wants us to continually point them to Him while being humble and honest about our own struggles. Maybe we spend too much time pretending to be perfect while expecting them to be the same. I'm learning it's more about being patient and long suffering and gentle and honest and making sure they know that you will always love them unconditionally. The more aware I am of my own sinfulness and the grace God shows me, the more I can love them the way that I should. We have a High Priest who can sympathize with our weaknesses, shouldn't our children have parents that can sympathize with theirs?

How can we show others we love them today?

It's not uncommon for me to pull up in my van and ask the kids this question before I let them out. "How can we show others that we love them today?"  Then we talk about different ways- opening the door for someone, having good manners, picking up trash, saying, "Good morning", etc.  I realized I needed to start asking myself that same question. Little did I know that the answer today would be to take care of chickens for a week.

The Lost Members

I love my church, but often I feel like an outsider as I sit in the back row on Sundays. Even though everyone is so friendly, I feel like I can't really connect with them. When we first started coming to church, we were part of a group of four families that hung out together, but two of them moved away and no one really replaced them. There are probably three people in the church that I really feel I've connected with after going there for almost 8 years. I know this is mostly my fault because I'm not able to go except on Sundays and even then I miss often due to sick kids and work schedules. I love listening to my pastor preach though! I can't get enough. It's as though I'm starved for it and I'm constantly learning something new or being reminded of old things I shouldn't have forgotten.

I grew up being in church whenever the doors were open and we were involved in everything. My parents thought they were doing the right things by following the leadership of their pastor. Being involved in the church was equal to serving God, and somewhere in there church became an idol. I struggle so much with balance between church and family. I don't want to swing the other direction and make building relationships with my family an idol. I want to be more involved in the extra things at church but not at the expense of my family, but I think it would make me feel more a part of the church.

Last Sunday morning my pastor preached a message on edification. I thought it strange he felt like that was something our church needed to hear. I knew I needed to work on that, but figured everyone else was doing a great job at it. There's Wednesday night prayer meeting, book study, prayer breakfasts, round tripper, fellowships, small group on Sunday mornings, ladies Bible study, the SRBC runners page, the couponing page, the ladies or SRBC page, Mommy and Me and the list goes on. It was an excellent message about how important it is to fellowship with other people within the church by being involved in these areas. I was thinking about how we respond to a new family visiting. We go out of our way to talk to them and make them feel welcome, we invite them to our house, we set up play dates with our kids so we can visit, we encourage them to go to different activities going on in the church. Then I thought about how we interact with a family that has been there for years- much differently.

I asked the ladies in the church to pray for me and revealed my struggle to find balance. I was not surprised that there were others who struggled with feeling disconnected in church and I was not surprised by all the encouragement and support and words of wisdom I received from them. I was surprised by one of the older ladies in the church who sent me a private message. She's someone who's been there a long time and everyone knows her. She said sometimes she feels like a stranger. She said she doesn't feel like she's connecting with people and she's really tried. We go to church and smile at people and make small talk, but sometimes we don't love them enough to get involved. There's a lot I need to work on.

This is some of the sweet advice the ladies in my church gave me-
    Sometimes it's a season of life thing, and you can't be as involved as you would like.
    Pick one church activity and commit to it. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
    Take advantage of times when your whole family can be together, even if it means missing a church
          activity.
     Don't schedule every minute of your life by being involved in too many various activities.
     You are rearing future families not just kids.
     Church is a priority and we should go with grateful hearts, not out of duty.
     Don't choose church OR family, do church AS a family for the right reasons.
     Go faithfully with your children on Sundays. Make your kids go to church, you make them go to school.
     Limit your kid's outside activities. Keep life simple.
     It's never too late to work on parent/ child relationships. Parents feel regret when their kids are grown
         and they see their mistakes. It starts with forgiveness.

This is what I learned-
     A lot of people in the church struggle with finding balance between church involvement and family.
     There are people in the church that have been members for a long time, look happy when you see
           them every Sunday, and feel like an outsider.
     Some love the preaching and are learning and growing, but they don't feel like they really fit in.
     I know there are some people in my church that love me and are praying for me and I know they mean it.