How long, O Lord?

"How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?" Psalm 13:1

I'm going through a time of spiritual discouragement. I was expecting it, but since I don't know the source, I cant fight it. I asked someone to pray for me, which was actually a really difficult thing for me to do. Pride often keeps me from doing things that are good for me. I would much rather suffer in silence than ask for help. I'm the same way when I'm sick. I'll have a headache for days before I finally take something for it. I just feel like God is far away. I've lost my enthusiasm and my inspiration. I see evidence of Him all around me, but I've lost something in the closeness of my relationship with Him and I don't know how to get it back. I didn't know what else to do, so I asked someone to pray. I just have to push through it. Keep reading, keep praying. I don't feel like writing anymore and I don't have a desire to share the things on my heart.

"And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

I feel closest to God when I'm running,so I ran. I ran for nearly two hours. I guess this was my way of wrestling with God. I ran and fought back the tears as He revealed the root of my problem to me and brought verses to my mind so I could fight the discouragement. The negative and apathetic attitudes of some Christians towards Christianity was getting to me. Some seem enthusiastic about everything except spiritual things. Some hold on to bitterness and are not loving or forgiving, always sarcastic and complaining. These are not fruits of the spirit. Aren't Christians suppose to be joyful, forgiving and loving toward others? Shouldn't they be happy that they are Christians? It almost seems that they are trying to hide it. I was allowing these seeds to be sown in my heart. It was quenching the spirit. It was starting to take away my joy. I was starting to feel ashamed of the Gospel. That was the first two miles of my run. Now that I knew the root of the problem I could start preaching the Gospel to myself.And that's what I did.

"Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10 and, "These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full." John 15:11 ( I just love the book of John) My joy should not depend on the joy of other Christians; my joy comes from the Lord.

"For I am not be ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to everyone who believes." Romans 1:16 How can I keep silent about all that God does for me! " Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35  I need to show others the grace that I have been shown. I need to love people that are really hard to love, after all, God loves even me. I don't want to quench the spirit in a fellow believer's life by having a negative attitude. I don't want to be someone who turns others off to Christianity or causes them to loose the joy of their salvation.

I was sitting in car line today listening to "You are God Alone" and watching the clouds move across the sky. I started thinking about how the God who created all things was also the God who came to die and the God who has a personal relationship with me and the God who is with me when I run. I was very moved by that thought in that moment. I don't know if other Christians have random thoughts like this, because, like discouragement, it's just not something we talk about. Why is that?

Psalm 9:1-2 "I will praise You, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will tell of all Your marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High."

Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him."