Just Say "No"...or Maybe Just "Wait"

"Taking of responsibilities that are not on God's agenda for this season of our lives = unnecessary stress and frustration." Nancy Leigh DeMoss

I think a lot of moms can relate. We often get ambitious and take on too much responsibility. Even though all the things we're involved in are good things; it's just too much. We begin to feel stressed and frustrated and guilty that we can't keep up with it all. Sometimes we need to step back and put some good things on hold for another season.

I work three mornings a week and it's a perfect balance for me right now, but sometimes I think I can take on more. When I do, something always suffers. There will be moments of stress, but life should not be stressful. There have been times when I've had to cut back on work, in order to get enough exercise, provide a clean and orderly environment for my family and give them the quality time they need. If I can't provide those things, I know my priorities are not right.

We need to really be careful about doing God's will at the wrong time, because the things God wants us to do now will suffer, and we can never go back. God doesn't want us to do everything, but He wants everything we do to be His will in the right season of life.

Putting Up A Good Front

My husband went to a routine meeting, and noticed one of his co workers across the room. He knew she had been going through some really hard things lately, so he went over and gave her a hug and asked her how she was doing. She smiled and said, "Good, I'm doing really good." About a week later, she decided to take her life. Today, he's at her funeral.

It made me think about how much we need each other and how important it is to talk about the difficult things we're going through. Things like debt, relationship problems, and postpartum depression can turn into major depression if we keep it to ourselves. There are two ways we keep people out of our lives. We can become very cynical, shut everyone out and live very isolated lives. But, we can also keep people out by making it look like we have it all together on the outside when there's actually a lot of pain on the inside. I guess we're too proud and maybe ashamed to admit that we need help. The truth is, we all struggle sometimes. No one's life is perfect and happy all the time, even if it appears that way. Let someone who cares, help you. Talk to someone. Maybe a friend is talking to you about a personal struggle. Take it seriously, It may be worse than they're letting on. Get involved. You may unknowingly save someone's life.

Logical Faith

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love." These words played on the radio as I folded laundry on a Sunday afternoon. I like doing laundry on Sundays. This phrase really stood out to me as I listened to the song. Sometimes my faith is strong and sometimes it's weak. I'm thankful the object of my faith never changes. I am so easily distracted and wander away from the One who loves me most. He gives me a free will and watches as I drift away. It must hurt Him deeply, though, He always smiles and comes after me. I know it's foolish, but sometimes it bothers me that I can't understand how God can hear my prayers. I can believe in creation, but not prayer? Whenever I reach these low points in my life I reach for the biographies of Jesus. I've been reading Matthew lately. There was a passage where Jesus said something to a group of people, then the Bible says He knew their thoughts and then He responded verbally to them. That's a comfort to me. I know I can't understand everything about God, but reading about how Jesus knew their thoughts reassured me that He does hear my prayers. It's also an encouragement that He knows my thoughts because there is freedom in honesty. We can't say, "Sure God loves me but He doesn't know what I was just thinking." He doesn't allow us the opportunity to use those excuses. There is no deception between us and God, only honesty which is freedom. There's just something about reading of His life on earth and seeing the way He interacted with those around Him, that just makes Him more real to me and causes my heart to long to be with Him more. I just finished reading a book called "A Higher Court". It's about a man who is on a jury that listens to compelling evidence for both sides of the argument of whether or not God exists. I think all of us at various points in our lives are faced with that decision. The more I know about God the more I want to know Him. 1 John 4:19-"Draw nigh unto me as I draw nigh unto you."

I'm also encouraged by all the historical evidence supporting the authenticity of the biographies of Jesus. Most of the New Testament books were written close to the actual events by eye witnesses. Most of the disciples died for their beliefs. They wouldn't have given their lives for something they knew was false. There are historical, non Christian writings that mention people who were key characters in the Bible. It's not just faith and it's not just logic, it's both. Christianity is not blind faith, it goes so much deeper than mere rote recitation.

"Here's my heart,O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

My Love/Hate Relationship With Beauty

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14

"Look closely at one of the lies our society tries to sell. "You must be physically perfect in order to be accepted, in order to feel truly beautiful." Believing you must have a certain look, a toned body, a certain color of skin, commercial worthy hair, or perfect straight teeth in order to be beautiful is such a lie." -Kimberly Powers

My daughter is eight and she's starting to say things like, " I wish my hair was yellow", or" I wish I had blue eyes like my brother." Like a good, Christian mom, I always say something like," God made you just the way He wanted to, and He doesn't make any mistakes, right?" or, "Isn't it wonderful that God made people in all different shapes, sizes and colors. Imagine how boring it would be if we all looked exactly the same." I want her to be really comfortable with the way she looks. God planned for her to have brown hair and brown eyes. To me she is a work of art! I'm sure a lot of you say similar things to your daughters, but then what do we do? We look in the mirror at ourselves and make mental notes about all the physical things we wish we could change about our own appearance. We may day dream about what is would be like to get "some work done" and get rid off all these things that bother us so much. I wonder what God thinks when we have these thoughts. He planned how He was going to create us from the beginning of time. He told us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and we know God doesn't make mistakes, right? And then He sees us criticizing His beautiful work. The older I get the more I realize this isn't just a problem teen girls have. I assume some women have overcome this. I'm still working on it. Sometimes we worry so much about whether or not someone else thinks we're outwardly beautiful. Maybe we suppress it for the good of our daughters, but it's still there, deep in our hearts.

I've always struggled with the color of my skin. Starting in elementary school, I would have kids come up to me, hold their arm up to mine and say, "Wow! look how dark I am compared to you". I hated it so much. I was thankful I lived in Michigan where the summers were short and not too hot. As a teen I would try to lay out in attempt to get tan, but it only resulted in sunburns. I was teased so much and I thought if I could just get a tan, I would be pretty and they would leave me alone. A week before my wedding, the photographer suggested to me to go tanning so I would look better in my wedding pictures. I would dread summer every year and avoid wearing shorts at all costs. That seemed to work until we moved to South Carolina. I quickly learned 2 things. Summers were very long,and very hot! I had a daughter and I knew I had to deal with this sin in my life. I call it sin because I was ashamed of the way God made me and wished I could look different. Having a poor self image is pride disguised as humility. I didn't want her to see the hypocrisy in my life. For me, wearing pants all summer was not an issue of modesty or high dress standards, it was being embarrassed by the color or my skin. Yes, I actually felt like it was sinful for me to wear pants instead of shorts, because of of my motives. I'm getting better, but it is a struggle every year when the weather starts to get warm. I know some of you struggle with similar things. When I see women who may be a little over weight, or have varicose veins, or scars wearing shorts, I have so much admiration for them, because they are comfortable with the way they look. They are dressed appropriately for the weather and aren't even thinking about it. I want to be like that. I know of a woman in her 60's who still struggles with this. She wears long pants even if it's 100 degrees out because her husband told her she was too white and needed some color in her skin. His comment offended me, because my skin was the same color as hers and I had shorts on. I felt like he was telling me I was ugly. I have a feeling that even the women I see that I think are so beautiful have something they wish they could change too. You can't turn the tv on without hearing about different ways to dress to look younger or some new facial treatment that will take away wrinkles. The truth is we are all going to age and we should focus more on God's idea of beauty.

God should be able to look at us and see a person so consumed with Him that we don't have any time to think about ourselves. Our focus should be on glorifying Him. Some of you are so beautiful on the inside, that that's all I see when I look at you.Don't be fooled into believing that you have to live up to this impossible standard of beauty.

"I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works and that my soul knows very well."

Giving Project

I read a book a few weeks ago about a group of people that took turns giving away $100. It didn't seem like enough to really make a difference in someone's life. However, it was interesting to see how they each spent the money, trying to stretch it as far as they could. One lady spent some of her money on diapers, blankets and bottles for a crisis pregnancy center. One bought Christmas presents for a family in need. Another went to the dollar store and bought a variety of things to take to the homeless shelter. Another paid for transportation vouchers for elderly to use to go to doctors appointments. Though, in my opinion it wasn't a very well written book, it was an inspiring idea. It made me think about how most of us could easily spare $100. I asked myself how I would give that amount away.  My family decided on our own giving project and we're very excited about it. I think sometimes we forget how much we really have to give and how many needs there are all around us. In the book it was suggested that after they all took turns giving away $100, they take turns giving a day to serve others. How would you give $100? How would you give a day? Are we willing?


"Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the Lord thy God which he hath given thee."-Deut. 16:17

Creation Regained

"When we look through the corrective lens of Scripture, everywhere the things of our experience begin to reveal themselves as creaturely, as under the curse of sin, and as longing for redemption."-Wolters

My friend suggested I read a book called "Creation Regained". I was viewing all areas of my life as sacred, secular, and neutral, and he thought the book would be a good read for me. When I began to read it, I wondered what my friend was thinking! There was no way I was going to understand it. Sometimes it takes my brain a while to adjust from reading children's books to something with a little more depth. I ended up really enjoying it and I look forward to reading it again.The book talks about how everything is rooted in something good that God created. Sometimes I feel very overcome with all the sinfulness in the world. That's why I don't watch the news. I was depressed a lot growing up. My parents watched the news all the time- that and Star Trek, which also may have contributed to my problem. This book really encouraged me by giving me a different perspective. Instead of looking at something as purely sinful, I try to see the original good in it. Wolter's book helped me see how every area in our lives is sacred. The missionary in a far off land doesn't have a more sacred job than the part time minimum wage worker. It goes deeper than that though, watching movies, reading a novel, cleaning, shopping,- all the everyday, normal, mundane things we do have a sacred quality to them. He says we all have a job of redemption wherever we are, in every area of our life. The theme of this book is creation and redemption. The origional beauty God created is not completely obliterated by sin. We should view all parts of our lives through the lens of the Bible instead of compartmentalizing with one area being sacred and the rest secular or neutral. This book has a lot of depth and I'm sure I'll learn more each time I read it.

"We continually run the risk of condemning the legitimate in our zeal to reject evil, or of embracing the corrupt in our desire to do justice to the good. We are always in danger of rejecting the creational in the name of the fall, and of accepting the fallen in the name of creation." 

"Prostitution does not eliminate the goodness of human sexuality; political tyranny cannot wipe out the divinely ordained character of the state;the anarchy and subjectivism of much of modern are cannot obliterate the creational legitimacy of art itself. In short, evil does not have the power of bringing naught God's steadfast faithfulness to the works of His hands."

The Christian Look

"When a person looks at you, they should know right away that you're a Christian." Years ago when I heard that statement, it was referring to the way a person looks on the outside. I started thinking about what a Christian should look like. Is it wearing certain clothes or having a particular haircut? I have Christian friends that have tattoos and piercings. I think looking like a Christian is more about living in a way that demonstrates the fruits of the Spirit. ( love, joy, peace, long suffering, patience, goodness, temperance, meekness, and self-control) That doesn't mean we should write out the list and look for opportunities to put them into action. That would be the same as making a list of external things. I think as we grow closer to God and focus on Him the fruits of the Spirit will naturally come out in our life and be evident to those around us.

My pastor's son goes to the same school as my daughter. I was sitting in car line one day and I saw him walking to pick up his son. My first thought was that he didn't look like a pastor. He looked like a regular dad. ( I thought pastors were suppose to wear khaki pants and a polo shirt when they were off duty) I noticed another thing about him too. He was smiling, and not at anyone in particular. He was just happy. He looked like a person who was filled with joy. He looked like a Christian.

The Tired Mom and the Park

I was planning all day to take the kids to the park after I picked up my oldest from school. The park we go to is very close to the school, so we go there often. It was a beautiful 67 degree January day. I knew this weather wouldn't last much longer and soon it would be too cold to go to the park. However, the middle children were having a rather difficult day and I was so tired! I really didn't feel like going, but it was a way for me to esteem others better than myself. I was doing it for them, and I knew even if we stayed for a short time, they would still love it.

I recently started doing something new with my eight year old daughter. She likes to write and keep journals and make charts...ok, so maybe she's a little like me. Every night I have her write down one thing  she is thankful for. It has to be from that day and she can't use the same thing twice. I thought this project would be fun for her and teach her to be more positive and focus on the good.

I asked her what she wrote about today. She's always eager and proud to tell me. She wrote, "January 6,2012 I am thankful that I got to go to the Pavilion park because of the wether that god gave for us. I think he is great."

That was a blessing to me in two ways. First, we only stayed for 20 minutes and they didn't even complain when it was time to go. She reminded me that it's the small things all put together that make a nice childhood. Second, and most importantly, she is beginning to see God all around her. I am always looking for opportunities to put her focus on Him. "Faith, look how beautiful God made that sunset! Isn't God amazing. You should be proud of the way you are and the way you look, because God dreamed you up in His heart. He imagined you and then created you exactly the way He wanted you to be." I really can't tell if she's paying attention or if she really cares. Now I know that my efforts are not in vain and it is sinking in.

High Heels and Gourmet Meals

Whenever I think about the ideal wife and mother, the perfect Proverbs 31 woman, I picture a stay at home mom who always has cookies and milk ready for the kids when they come home from school, or maybe she has seven kids and home schools all of them. I imagine her getting up early and exercising,(so she can look good for her husband, of course) fixing her hair and make up so everyone always sees her looking her best. Then she makes a delicious and healthy breakfast for her family which is waiting for them when they get up. Her house is always clean and her children are well behaved. She's probably successfully doing some Mary Kay on the side. She brings lunch to her husband while he's at work. She's just so proud of him! Of course she hurries home to start on dinner, which she'll make from scratch and there must be a dessert to go with it. I'm sure all her children will clean their plates without complaining. She is always happy and never complains. Her whole life is about serving others. Her husband is not expected to do anything except sit back in the recliner and watch ESPN. He works hard all day and deserves to rest. I remember a part of a conversation I heard when I was a child. A lady was talking about a friend she had who was going on a family camping trip. The friend always wore make up to bed and got up early to wash her face and put her make up back on. She never wanted her husband to see her without it and he never had up to that point. I never heard how the camping trip went. I've seen women apologize for admitting they struggle because they viewed it as complaining. I've known some women who are like that and I've tried to be like that myself, for an incredibly short amount of time and frankly they really annoy me. They are dripping with sweetness and I wonder if they're even real. We've all heard the expression that if everyone focuses on meeting the needs of others, everyone's needs will be met. That's a great thought, but incredibly unrealistic. I've tried to be the kind of woman I described and it left me feeling very tired and resentful. There was always something else I could clean and one more thing I could do with my kids or for my husband. No one likes to feel like they're doing all the work. I never asked for help, because I figured he would see I needed it and offer to help, but that didn't happen. My husband says he wouldn't want a wife like that. I think he's just saying that because he knows it will never happen with me. I'm sorry, but I'm not the type that is going to get dressed in a nice outfit to clean the daily puddle off the bathroom floor and be used as a human paper towel as my toddler constantly wipes his face and runny nose on my pants. I wonder if these women are really happy. What motivates them?  I wonder if that's what God really expects of us. Is it really Biblical?

I've read a few books about the Proverbs 31 woman. A lot of them talk about how women were created to help their husbands and how we are to serve our families. They contain many tips for house cleaning, organization and meals. I always found it interesting that Jesus told Mary  she had chosen the better part. Wasn't Martha being the ideal Proverbs 31 woman serving in the kitchen? I also think it's strange that she was allowed to buy and sell land and be a business woman because women weren't very respected back then. It seems like she had a lot of independence. Do you think the Proverbs 31 woman was a real person or just an idea of what the perfect woman would be like?  A book I recently read "My So Called Life as  Proverbs 31 Wife" proposed the question, "Did she accomplish all that she did at once or over a lifetime?" That was an interesting thought to me. Maybe before or after the children were grown she excelled at her business. Maybe it's a matter of doing something well in each season of life. I think we have to consider our motives. Are we doing all we can so that our  family thinks well of us, so they will rise up and call us blessed or that our husband will praise us among his friends? Maybe the verse about loving God first and loving others second is a clue. Maybe when we make God a priority everything else falls into place. I'm learning a lot about how we can't do all the right things on the outside and expect the inside to change.  Is it a horrible thing thing that my husband does all the grocery shopping and irons his own clothes? Is it wrong for me to ask him to help with the dishes or the kids? Maybe it's living in a way that displays the love of God. Does it mean we are to constantly serve and be doing something productive? I don't think so, because Jesus withdrew from the multitudes. Rest is something God created and should be enjoyed and sleep is healthy. Maybe He does expect us to be as perfect as the Proverbs 31 woman seems. Maybe He wants us to realize it's impossible and experience his grace. I physically can't handle getting up at 4 and staying up late to spend time with my husband. I can't afford to cook nice meals every night. Sometimes I get frustrated when the baby keeps crying for no reason and just won't stop. It does bother me when I spend the whole day cleaning the house only to have it completely destroyed 20 minutes before daddy comes home. Maybe God is showing us how weak we are. I love moments in my life that are like that. Moments that I try so hard and become extremely frustrated because I can't do it. Then among the frustration I smile. God knows I can't do it; He was just waiting for me to figure it out. Then I remember His grace and experience it in a whole new way and fall in love with Him even more.