Whenever I think about the ideal wife and mother, the perfect Proverbs 31 woman, I picture a stay at home mom who always has cookies and milk ready for the kids when they come home from school, or maybe she has seven kids and home schools all of them. I imagine her getting up early and exercising,(so she can look good for her husband, of course) fixing her hair and make up so everyone always sees her looking her best. Then she makes a delicious and healthy breakfast for her family which is waiting for them when they get up. Her house is always clean and her children are well behaved. She's probably successfully doing some Mary Kay on the side. She brings lunch to her husband while he's at work. She's just so proud of him! Of course she hurries home to start on dinner, which she'll make from scratch and there must be a dessert to go with it. I'm sure all her children will clean their plates without complaining. She is always happy and never complains. Her whole life is about serving others. Her husband is not expected to do anything except sit back in the recliner and watch ESPN. He works hard all day and deserves to rest. I remember a part of a conversation I heard when I was a child. A lady was talking about a friend she had who was going on a family camping trip. The friend always wore make up to bed and got up early to wash her face and put her make up back on. She never wanted her husband to see her without it and he never had up to that point. I never heard how the camping trip went. I've seen women apologize for admitting they struggle because they viewed it as complaining. I've known some women who are like that and I've tried to be like that myself, for an incredibly short amount of time and frankly they really annoy me. They are dripping with sweetness and I wonder if they're even real. We've all heard the expression that if everyone focuses on meeting the needs of others, everyone's needs will be met. That's a great thought, but incredibly unrealistic. I've tried to be the kind of woman I described and it left me feeling very tired and resentful. There was always something else I could clean and one more thing I could do with my kids or for my husband. No one likes to feel like they're doing all the work. I never asked for help, because I figured he would see I needed it and offer to help, but that didn't happen. My husband says he wouldn't want a wife like that. I think he's just saying that because he knows it will never happen with me. I'm sorry, but I'm not the type that is going to get dressed in a nice outfit to clean the daily puddle off the bathroom floor and be used as a human paper towel as my toddler constantly wipes his face and runny nose on my pants. I wonder if these women are really happy. What motivates them? I wonder if that's what God really expects of us. Is it really Biblical?
I've read a few books about the Proverbs 31 woman. A lot of them talk about how women were created to help their husbands and how we are to serve our families. They contain many tips for house cleaning, organization and meals. I always found it interesting that Jesus told Mary she had chosen the better part. Wasn't Martha being the ideal Proverbs 31 woman serving in the kitchen? I also think it's strange that she was allowed to buy and sell land and be a business woman because women weren't very respected back then. It seems like she had a lot of independence. Do you think the Proverbs 31 woman was a real person or just an idea of what the perfect woman would be like? A book I recently read "My So Called Life as Proverbs 31 Wife" proposed the question, "Did she accomplish all that she did at once or over a lifetime?" That was an interesting thought to me. Maybe before or after the children were grown she excelled at her business. Maybe it's a matter of doing something well in each season of life. I think we have to consider our motives. Are we doing all we can so that our family thinks well of us, so they will rise up and call us blessed or that our husband will praise us among his friends? Maybe the verse about loving God first and loving others second is a clue. Maybe when we make God a priority everything else falls into place. I'm learning a lot about how we can't do all the right things on the outside and expect the inside to change. Is it a horrible thing thing that my husband does all the grocery shopping and irons his own clothes? Is it wrong for me to ask him to help with the dishes or the kids? Maybe it's living in a way that displays the love of God. Does it mean we are to constantly serve and be doing something productive? I don't think so, because Jesus withdrew from the multitudes. Rest is something God created and should be enjoyed and sleep is healthy. Maybe He does expect us to be as perfect as the Proverbs 31 woman seems. Maybe He wants us to realize it's impossible and experience his grace. I physically can't handle getting up at 4 and staying up late to spend time with my husband. I can't afford to cook nice meals every night. Sometimes I get frustrated when the baby keeps crying for no reason and just won't stop. It does bother me when I spend the whole day cleaning the house only to have it completely destroyed 20 minutes before daddy comes home. Maybe God is showing us how weak we are. I love moments in my life that are like that. Moments that I try so hard and become extremely frustrated because I can't do it. Then among the frustration I smile. God knows I can't do it; He was just waiting for me to figure it out. Then I remember His grace and experience it in a whole new way and fall in love with Him even more.
No comments:
Post a Comment