Out of My Tower...Finally

   I grew up in a small town of farmers and factory workers and lived a very sheltered life, as you can imagine if you've been reading my blog. Within the last few years I learned that there were a lot of things that I thought were sin that are not clearly sin in the Bible. At first I felt like Rapunzel in Tangled," I can't believe I did this! This is so fun! I, am a horrible daughter. I'm going back. I am never going back! I am a despicable human being. Woo-hoo! Best. Day. Ever!" That part of the movie always makes me smile.  I learned that the real world wasn't as scary as I thought it would be and there were actually some pretty nice people out there. There are some wonderful things that I can enjoy now with a clear conscience. I'm glad my generation is not satisfied doing things just because it's what we were taught growing up or because it's what we've always done. I'm glad we're beginning to think for ourselves and go to the Bible for our answers. It's wrong to base our convictions on our own preferences, and equally wrong to base them on another person's convictions. I know it scares some people that we're questioning things but I think its great and I'm excited about it! Thinking, asking questions and searching Scripture are all very good things. I think doubt can even be good if it leads to searching something out and wrestling with the topic. Maybe sometimes we shouldn't be content.

   I try to apply this to my parenting. I tell Faith she needs to be kind to her brothers and sister because the Bible says we need to be kind to each other. (Eph. 4:32) I don't want her motivation to be because I want her to be kind or even because it's the right thing to do. I want her to understand why it's the right thing to do. I want to teach her to go to the Bible for her answers whenever possible. The Bible is our ultimate authority. The only reason I have authority over her is because of Ephesians 6:1, not because grown ups know everything and are always right. We talk a lot about Romans 3:23 too. She knows that all means all. I don't want my kids growing up, believing something is right or wrong because that's what they were taught and never question it. I don't want to tell them something is wrong if I don't have a good reason. They challenge me to figure out what I believe and why, but shouldn't we do that anyway? I need to be ready to give an answer to any one who asks even if it's a seven year old.

 

Ones Closest to Me

   One of the reasons I married Jason was because I saw how great he was with kids and I knew he would make a good dad some day. He spends one on one time with our kids even if it's a simple thing like getting the oil changed or buying groceries. Sometimes he takes them out for a treat or has lunch with Faith at school. When he disciplines them he spends a lot of time talking to them even if it means his dinner is getting cold. He takes time to play with them almost every night even though sometimes he's so tired. I think maybe dads are just different now than they use to be. I don't remember ever doing anything one on one with either of my parents. I hope that his relationship with each of the kids just gets stronger as they get older. Jason reminds me that I need to spend quality time with the kids, playing games, listening to their stories and being interested in their lives. Sometimes I'm with the kids all day, but I haven't spent any time with them.

   Faith was such an answer to prayer. She changed my life. No matter how many kids you have, there's nothing like holding your firstborn for the first time. Faith isn't very much like me, because of that she has a lot of qualities that I really admire, of course, she has no idea. My weaknesses are her strengths. I love how she's not intimidated by anyone. She can go up to anyone and talk to them. I can't do that. She inspires me, and I'm sure has influenced me to be more friendly to the people in my life. She loves to learn and has a lot of questions. If I don't know the answers we look them up and learn together. She loves math and science. She mostly plays with boys, and is probably the only girl in her class with a Spiderman lunch box. I like that she is so comfortable with who she is. I hope she holds onto that as long as possible. I admire a lot of things about her.

   I actually cried when I found out Brady was a boy. I don't have any brothers, never really had any guy friends and didn't have a very close relationship with my dad. I only dated for two years before I met Jason. I didn't think I could raise a boy successfully. I thought I wouldn't know what to do with a boy. I was planning on having three girls. I was comfortable with that. It was a very hard pregnancy as far as the sickness and he was a really difficult baby for me to take care of. I struggled with depression and it took me a long time to bond with him. He is the most like me and probably the one I have the strongest bond with now. He is very lovable, happy, sweet,and observant but he struggles with the same things I do. He has such a hard time talking to people. I know exactly what is going on in his head. It's painful for me to watch as I relive parts of my childhood. He likes this girl at the Y. She's twenty. He can not talk to her even though she is one his favorite people. He can't keep from smiling if we mention her name, and Jason likes to tease him. Last week Brady got mad at me because he wanted me to call her and ask her to pick him up in her car and I wouldn't. I'll set up play dates with girls his own age, but if he wants to go out with a twenty year old he has to make the call himself. I'm thankful he's around people a lot more than I was and the people he is around are more encouraging and patient than the ones I grew up with. He teaches me that I need to overcome things so I can be a better example and encouragement to him.

    Kasey is our girly one. I guess she's like me in that way. I was incredibly overwhelmed when I found out about her. Brady was only ten months old and had just started sleeping through the night. I was up with him every two hours for ten months! The hope that the next night would be the one where he would finally sleep was all that kept me going. I wanted three kids, but I did not feel ready for her. It took me a while to get use to the idea. She was a much easier baby and Jason and I finally had a good system down. I wouldn't have been able to handle it otherwise. She has a very expressive face and I love watching people smile just looking at her. I like that she brings joy to people. There was an older man sitting on the couch at the Y one day. Kasey went right up to him, climbed up on his lap and started talking to him. He smiled and talked to her. She reminded him of his grand daughter. She's very affectionate and happy and excited to see everyone. Kasey teaches me to be more expressive and make people feel loved. She's the one I'm going to get to do all the girly things with.

    Cailen is very special to me because I didn't think we would have more than three kids. I knew Jason only wanted one or two so I was thankful to have three, and there was no way I was going to ask for another. After Kasey was born I was hoping to feel like our family was complete, but I didn't. I actually prayed that God would take that desire away from me. I thought it would be easier for God to change my mind than Jason's. The more I prayed for the desire to go away the stronger it became. It wasn't just for another child but specifically for a boy. I started praying that we would feel the same way about it in either direction. I finally had to talk to Jason about it because I knew it was of God. I told him I how I had been praying and what God was doing in my heart. I just asked him to pray and have an open mind about it. That was all the discussion. I couldn't stop smiling when I found about Cailen and that he was a boy. Exactly what I prayed for. He's usually so happy and content. He's been the easiest of all our children.  Cailen teaches me that when we think God has already given us too much, He gives us more.

 

Count It All Joy

     James 1:2 says to "count it all joy when we fall into various trials". A trial is trouble that breaks the pattern of peace in our lives. James says "when", not "if". They will come. These trials are designed to prove and strengthen our faith. They give us an opportunity to grow and to prove to ourselves that we really believe what we say we do.

  The hardest thing I've gone through was listening to the doctor tell us that we had less than a 1% chance of having a child. Now, we all know how that turned out, but at the time I didn't know. It was a very difficult 3 years for me. God taught me so much that I've been able to share with so many people. It took me a long time to finally get to a place where I was truly content with my situation and I really desired God's will over my own. God was very patient to watch me struggle to get to that point. What God taught me was far greater than the emotional pain. I'm more compassionate towards those going through what I went through and I'm able to listen with an understanding ear. I've received e-mail from people I don't even know who heard our story and were blessed by it. If I could go back in time and erase that painful experience in my life, I wouldn't. I am honestly thankful for it, and would have it no other way. Sometimes I wonder if that's only because God has allowed me to be able to see the reason for my suffering. Sometimes we never know why God brings pain into our lives. Job never did.

   I wonder if those who have suffered loss of a family member or those battling a serious illness feel that way. Can they truly be thankful for their circumstances? Wouldn't they change things if they could? I have a friend who is struggling with cancer. She's very open about this journey she's going through. I asked her if she had come to a point where she was truly thankful for her circumstance. I knew she would give me an honest answer, so I was a little afraid of what she would tell me. She reminded me that all our trials are tailor made just for us to bring us closer to God. She admitted that there are things she struggles with, but she gave me a longer list of all the good things that have come from it so far. She told me that she did experience joy in her suffering. That was such a comfort to me. I know that if I am in her place some day, the same God will give me the same grace that He has given her. Sometimes we can look back over our suffering and see how God orchestrated all the events and we see exactly what he was doing. Sometimes we never know. She reminded me that God does not give us the grace until we need it, so it's hard for us to understand when we aren't going through it. A part of me is a little envious of my friend because she knows God is a way that I don't.

   Not only does pain produce good in our own lives, but it can also bring out good in the lives of those around us. How would we learn to be an encouragement, if no one around us ever needed to be encouraged? Someone going through financial difficulty can teach us how to give. Taking care of the sick can teach us compassion. I know when I see someone respond to suffering in a way that glorifies God it increases my faith. Watching someone grieve in a peaceful way during a time of loss makes me see God's grace in a different way. We would never see the beauty of people coming together in a time of crisis to help those they don't even know.  Even simple acts of kindness like holding a door for a mom trying to carry too many things, or preparing a meal for someone who just got out of the hospital, or babysitting a friend's kids so they could go to a doctor's appointment would never happen if no one ever struggled and there was never any pain. Would there even be any depth in the love that we have for each other?
James goes on to say "knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

Spectrum of Christianity

   When white light hits a prism it is refracted and the light is separated into all the different colors making a rainbow. The prism has no color until the white light hits it. The prism is not the source of the color; it's a tool that displays the beauty of the original light.

   "Every thought, word, or deed emanating from us that is in any way pleasing to God and glorifying Him had it's ultimate origin in God, because apart from Him there is no good in us."-Bridges

    God's light is refracted into us. We are the prism because there is no good in us apart from Christ, and we can't produce light by ourselves. I know someone who is really good at serving others, I have another friend who's good at glorifying God through suffering. Some of us are excellent givers and others excel at being an encouragement. I know some who are very fatherly and some who are childlike. Others have great wisdom and are good teachers. All those gifts and characteristics are given to us by God, and He is all those things at once, just like the white light contains all the colors at once.  All the colors of the rainbow are beautiful on their own, but even more spectacular when they're all seen together displaying the glory of the original light. All the gifts we have been given, have been given to us to complement each other and use together to create a beautiful spectrum of Christianity pointing everyone who sees it to Christ.


 "Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit;  and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good." -1 Cor. 12:4-7

Living in Fear With A Smile On My Face

   Fear is a word I use to describe the church I grew up in and the childhood that went with it. I remember hearing sermons about Hell and going home afraid even though I knew I was a Christian. There were many sleepless nights spent in fear over the rapture and trying to pray enough to feel saved. I was terrified and I felt guilty because I didn't feel the way I was suppose to. Of course, I had to smile at church, because Christians are suppose to be happy, right? I lived in fear worrying about what bad things would happen when God would punish me for my sins. I tried really hard, but I was always afraid. There were times I worked on Wednesday evenings. I got off in time to go to church, but instead I would sit in my car and wait for my parents to drive past and then go home. I felt guilty for not going. It wasn't that I didn't want to go to church, I just didn't want to go to that church. I didn't understand God's love. God was really scary to me.

   Lately I've been studying, reading, and thinking a lot about grace. Last Saturday when I was running I was thinking about how God can't be angry with me when I sin because He poured out His wrath on the cross. Then I started thinking about how God can't even punish me for my sin because Jesus paid the price. He doesn't even hold it against me because He chose to forget. That's freedom! Freedom from trying to earn blessings and freedom from fear of judgment.  I know these things have been in my head for a long time, but they're finally starting to get into my heart. I feel like I can almost understand. There are consequences for our sin, but it's out of love to bring us back to Him and restore fellowship. Sometimes that can be painful, but it's always what's best for us and it's always out of love. It frustrates me that I can't comprehend how much God loves me. What little I do understand of God's love amazes me and makes me love Him more and myself less. It makes all the cares of this world seem so small. I wonder if sometimes we're afraid to completely embrace grace because we would have to admit that we have no control, and we all like to think we have control. My pastor preached on Hell last Sunday. For the first time, I didn't leave church in fear. I left with a better understanding of grace, because the more I understand God's anger the more I understand His love. The more I understand God's love, the more love I have for others and the easier it is to forgive them. I don't live in fear like I use to. I have joy that I've never had before! It's like falling in love, except more real.


"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love Him because He first loved us." 1 John 4:18-19

The Best Part of My Day

  I absolutely love getting up early, as early as possible! I haven't always been that way. I use to stay up until 1 or 2 and sleep in as late as I could. I'm thankful my children have gotten me out of the habit. I discovered that most of my life I had been sleeping through my favorite time of the day. There's just something about the stillness of the early morning and watching the night sky turn into day. I love it.

   I grew up reading my one chapter in the Bible every night. I can't say I enjoyed it. I admit it was actually quite boring to me, but I knew it was the right thing to do, so I did it. I know that wasn't the best motive, but probably not the worst either. Now, I can't wait to get up in the morning and read my Bible and other Christian books, and commentaries. I'm like a kid that never wants to sleep, but since I'm a grownup I know sleep is important if I want to be of any use during the day. Sometimes when I tuck Brady in at night he says to me, "Please mom, don't let me sleep long."  I'm the same way when I go to bed, "Please Lord, don't let me sleep long." I often pray that God will give me a hunger for the Bible and a desire to learn and understand spiritual things.  He has answered that prayer in an amazing way. It seems that no matter how early I get up I always wish I had more time. No doubt, some wonder how I'm able to find time to read so many books, with four kids and a part time job. I get up early, very early, and I don't watch much TV.  I have no desire to. That's another thing He changed in me.  We all make time for the things we love, and this is something I desperately love! I don't have a very dramatic salvation story. I was four so there was no big life change. I'm very comforted that I can look back on my life and see how God did dramatically change it over time. I know I need to be more of a Martha and less of a Mary. I struggle with neglecting service because I'm consumed with worship and learning. I know people think I'm strange for not only choosing to get up early, but also using that time to do something that most people don't enjoy. I don't do it to feel more spiritual or so God will bless me, it's purely out of love. It's what I want to do, more than anything else.


Psalm 63:1 "God, you are my God; early will I seek you; my soul thirsts for you in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water."

Too Much of a Good Thing

   I am a very unemotional person; certainly not the type to cry over coffee commercials. My husband is often frustrated because he can't read me due to my lack of reaction. I like to listen to music because it brings some emotion out of me. About a year ago I made a comment to my husband that I wished I liked CCM because then I would have more variety to my music. I was joking around, but serious at the same time. That was back when I thought all CCM was worldly. I admit that even though I thought some of my friends listened to worldly music I was a little envious of them because they could listen to it with a clear conscience and I couldn't. The music I was listening to was getting stale. I wanted to listen to Christian music and though I loved the words they were loosing their impact on me. I was getting bored and often the music itself would leave me feeling depressed. Because of that I didn't listen to music much anymore. I don't know how I changed. I guess God gave me the desire to have an open mind so he could give me the gift of music. He knew that I needed to feel emotion because that was an area where I was lacking. I'm not saying that we should be overly emotional, but I would pray that God would move me to tears over what He did for me. It had been a long time since I had those feelings and I feared they were gone forever. When people grow up in church they can become calloused to spiritual things. That's what happened to me and it really bothered me.  My "Spanish" friend posted a song on his FB page. It was "Before the Throne of God Above". I must have forgotten how powerful music could be because it really caught me off guard, overwhelming me and bringing me to tears. It was very moving and an answer to my prayers. It awakened something in my heart that I feared was gone. None of us would want to listen to the same music all the time, just like we don't like to dress the same or eat the same things every day. God made us to be creative just like He is. We need variety or we get use to good things and forget how good they are.

The Good in Others

   I've been noticing lately that the the qualities I love most in my friends are also characteristics of Christ. Could this perhaps be a way we are created in God's image? unconditional love, a friend who defends, or protects from an unknown danger or hurt, someone who is always available, someone who listens without judgement, someone who values others, and sees needs and meets them, someone who is wise and thoughtful, compassionate, giving, happy.

    I believe there is no good thing in me apart from Christ, and anything good that I do is all because of Him. Maybe all these things I love in people are all clues pointing to what God is like. Yet, so many of us picture a spirit floating around without any kind of emotion or a very just God with no love ready to punish us every time we break a rule. That is not the kind of person He reveals himself to be in Scripture, or creation or even in us. I think Satan wants our perception of God to be really distorted, so He's less appealing to us and we don't see God for who He really is. I imagine all the things I read about Jesus in the Bible and the beauty I see in creation and what I love about my friends all in one person. That is the God of the Bible. He is the One who loves me and thinks about me and died for me.

Peter, Do You Love Me?

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek". Rom 1:16

    I've been thinking lately about how many Christians have very little emotion for spiritual things? We quietly sit through church as if it's more of a religious ritual, than an act of worship and an opportunity to learn. Then we go home and go about our normal activities as if we were completely unaffected by the Gospel. If we truly loved God wouldn't that come out in our conversation? Wouldn't He consume our thoughts to the point where everything around us reminded us of Him? It seems that many of us only talk about God when we're in church. Shouldn't the love of God excite us so much that we create opportunities to talk about Him? We're excited to talk about other things we love. Things that we should love far less in comparison. I find it so natural to talk to some people about spiritual things and so awkward to talk to others, especially Christians. I don't know why that is and it really bothers me.  We would probably all say that we are not ashamed of the Gospel, but maybe we are.

What Were You Thinking?

     Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking about when He created me?  He says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I know everything He makes is very intentional and with great thought. I can see evidence of that in His other creations. Have you ever noticed the detail and symmetry of something in nature or how something is created in a very unique way to suit a special purpose? God made me to be a quiet and reflective person. I know He had a reason for that. I know it was intentional and thought out.

     One day, when I was in high school,my pastor/teacher called me into his office and told me that I needed to change my personality. I think he was trying to encourage me, but he was really bad at it. He told me I needed to come out of my shell and not be so withdrawn.  He was a big reason for the shell. I was very intimidated by him and he made fun of me often, but he made fun of a lot of people. He often didn't know when to stop as do most people with that personality type. We all have our obstacles to overcome. For a long time I thought that people wouldn't accept me unless I was more outgoing. I just couldn't will myself to be that way, so I came to the conclusion that because I was quiet I would never have any real friendships. I accepted that I would not be loved or do anything great for God because of the quietness I could not overcome. When someone did reach out to me, I figured they were doing it for the  purpose of ministry not because of friendship. In my mind they were either just trying to get me to keep going to their church or they were trying to do a good deed. I always felt that my quietness was a very negative thing. I'm learning that God created me this way on purpose to better do the things he wants me to do. I'm trying to figure out what my gifts are and use them for God's glory. There are many  obstacles I'm trying to overcome. I'm very intimidated by men, especially those in authority, and I do tend to isolate myself from people. I'm working on that and I'm a lot better than I was. I've discovered that the more people accept me the way I am, the more comfortable I am around them and the more I do come out of my shell. I'm thankful for my friends that have been very patient with me and, at times have pulled me way out of my comfort zone. Some have encouraged me to do things that I really wanted to do, but was just too afraid.

Psalm 139 13-16
For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

What I Really Think of my Wedding Ring

   I love my wedding ring. I especially like to admire the diamonds and sapphires when they sparkle in the sunlight. It's the most beautiful thing I own. I watch the light reflect off my ring as I turn it slightly, and my mind leaves the cares of this world and goes to Heaven. The Bible talks about sapphires and other gems when describing Heaven. I begin to wonder what heavenly sapphires must look like. He knew the things he created in this world wouldn't last forever. Maybe he saved his best creativity for his creation in Heaven.
   I wonder if this earth is a shadow of greater things. When I see a rainbow I wonder if there will be rainbows in Heaven that will be a thousand times more spectacular. I wonder if the most beautiful things of this earth will seem dull in comparison to greater versions of them in Heaven. We are made in the image of God; maybe Earth is made in the image of Heaven.
   I love that I have a constant reminder of Heaven always with me.

"The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with every kind of jewel. The first was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald,"  Rev. 21:19

From Workout to Worship

     My dad decided to be a runner when he turned 50 and since then has run in the Boston marathon. After Faith was born I needed some motivation to get back into shape. Seeing how much he loved it inspired me to give it a try. I saw people running on the treadmills at the Y. They would go for 10 minutes or more!  I just couldn't understand how a person could run for that long. It was a struggle for me to just run for 2 minutes. Just because a person is skinny does not mean they are in shape!  I eventually got up to a 10 minute run and then a mile. I can't say I enjoyed it at this point, but I was working towards running a 5K. I ran the River Bank Run and it was amazing!  It was a pretty big race and there were people cheering for the runners the entire way.  If you suffer from low self esteem having people continually encourage you for a good 35-40 minutes can be pretty uplifting.  I continued running after I reached my goal. I ran 1 mile 3 days a week on the treadmill. I still didn't really enjoy it, but I knew it was good exercise. I've done 4 5Ks. One after the birth of each of my children.

     I started enjoying it more over the last couple years. Probably because I do it outside now instead of on a treadmill. I like to run by myself. It's really the only time I'm ever alone. Just me, my music, and creation all around me. I thank God for good health and the ability to run. I like to feel the wind blowing against me and the warmth of the sun on a cool day. I feel strong and weak at the same time.  Sometimes I stop running and walk for a few seconds with my eyes closed, just to savor the moment and enjoy it to its fullest.  I love watching the clouds especially early in the morning. I enjoy watching the sky constantly change. Someday I'm going to get in a car accident because I'm so distracted by it. Last Tuesday while running I noticed how the sunlight was shinning through the leaves of a tree as I ran past, I took note of it and  started walking. It was beautiful and I wanted time to enjoy and appreciate it. I praise God for all the evidence of Him surrounding me. Running can be a very worshipful experience. Those are the times I feel closest to God. Once in a while when I'm meditating on the words of the music and worshiping God through creation I feel like He's walking right beside me, like I could almost see him. I love those moments, but they don't happen often. Sometimes when I'm done running or need to take a break I swing on the playground. I'm sure it looks silly, but I love to swing! I always have. I like to listen to my music, look up into the sky and just think about things. It's relaxing and fills me with such joy. This is typically how I begin a Tuesday. Running started out as a forced workout that I endured and has evolved into this wonderful, energizing, enjoyable thing that I look forward to. I can run for an hour now. I would have never thought that was possible. I thank God for every opportunity to run because I know the ability won't last forever. I cherish it.

Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the sky displays his handiwork."

Book List

These are a few of my favorite Christian books.  Someone recently asked me for a list of recommendations, and I thought I would share that list with all of you.


The Genesis Record by Morris
This is a scientific commentary, and reads more like a novel. Genesis is my favorite book of the Bible.  The science and history in this book make the characters and places more real.

Respectable Sins by Bridges
If you think you are a good person, read this book. You aren't.

The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus
This is a great book to read when salvation starts to feel really complicated. I love this book because it reminds me of the simple message of the Bible and allows me to see the Bible as a whole and not a lot of short stories put together in one book.

Having a Mary Heart In A Martha World

The Case for Christ by Strobel
This book was written by a former atheist who set out on an investigation to disprove Christianity.

One Thousand Gifts by Voskamp-
This is a beautifully written book about being thankful for all the little things and seeing the blessings God places right in front of you.

The Pursuit of God by Tozer


Leading Little Ones to God by Schooland
This is a great book to read to your kids when they start asking tough questions like, "Why can't I see God, How can God be everywhere at once, Why does sin have to be punished, What is baptism, etc." The author does an excellent job explaining these subjects in a way that a child could understand.

The Pharisees' Guide to Total Holiness by William Coleman
I really liked reading about the history of the Pharisees. This book gave me a better understanding of them and made me see better how we all have a pharisee living within ourselves.

The Little Things...

  There's a man in our church that gives fruit snacks to the kids after the Sunday night service. I was watching Faith write a thank you note to him a couple days ago and it made me think about how little things really can make a big difference in someone's life.  It also reminded me of a commitment I made to myself many months ago to say thank you more and let people know that I appreciated them.  I found too often I would be blessed by something indirectly and would keep it to myself. I thought about the times when people did little things for me and how how much of a blessing it was. I remember some of the meals people made for me when I brought a baby home from the hospital. I can  remember specific people and what they made for us nearly 8 years ago when Faith was born. I've received notes of encouragement at times I didn't expect, but really needed. Recently someone called and let me know she appreciated something I wrote.  It meant so much to me that she would take the time to do that.  Eph 2:10 says "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."  I love that God gives us gifts and prepares special opportunities for each of us to use them, being a blessing to the giver and the receiver.

     I have a friend who has the gift of hospitality.  She always makes sure everyone has a place to go for the holidays. If you stop by unexpected, she will make you feel at home no matter how many things she has going on. She's good at it, because it comes naturally to her. It's her gift, what she was made to do. I know her life has been a blessing to many. I have another friend who can talk to people she hardly knows like she's been friends with them for years. She makes everyone around her feel loved, accepted, and valued.  I want to encourage everyone to figure out what their gifts are and look for opportunities to use them.

   You never know the past pains someone has gone through.  Even if someone looks happy on the outside, they might really be hurting on the inside. When you do know someone is going through hard times it is often much worse than they let on. I felt burdened to pray for a friend a couple years ago and casually let her know. I found out a couple months later that at the time I was praying she was going through a time of uncertainty. There was another time that I made a card for a friend just just to let her know I was praying for her. She read the card and then came over to me and sat down.  She was so touched by it, because she was going through something really difficult that I didn't know about. She proceeded to tell me what was going on in her life. Sometimes just being a good listener is all a person needs.

     Something that I like to do, but don't do often enough is compliment someone I don't know very well or not at all. It's so unexpected. I love to see a smile appear on their seemingly unfriendly face. I think taking five seconds to brighten someone's day is a very good use of time.  You just never know what a person might be going through and how far a simple act of kindness can go.

What are some of the little things that someone has done that have meant a lot to you?.

Christianity Without Culottes

     I grew up in an Independent Fundamental Baptist church.  The kind of church where the women wore dresses, the men wore suits, and the pastor pounded the pulpit and preached out of a King James Bible.  Our music choices were classical, Majesty Music, Wilds,etc. (the etc. doesn't include much more).  I wasn't allowed to go to movies or even rent them.  I don't think I owned a pair of pants until after I graduated from high school.  It was ok for other people to violate these unspoken rules, because they didn't know better. I did. I remember being at a sledding activity one winter.( I grew up in MI). I didn't really want to go, but missing a church activity was not an option. I was a bit of a nerd anyway, but wearing sweat pants under my culottes was just too much even for me.  I remember sitting in the bus in my culottes and a girl wearing jeans came up to me (she was obviously a visitor).  She asked me why we wore shorts in the winter. This was followed by an awkward silence and then I said it was because we felt like they were more modest than pants. She accepted my answer and walked away. I felt so stupid telling her that, but that was what they told me. I couldn't tell her the truth. "They aren't shorts, they're culottes.  My parents make me wear them because if I didn't they would receive criticism from the church!" , so I just went with the church answer.  I don't think that girl ever came back.  When I was dating my husband, we went to the lake one afternoon when he came to visit.  I got in big trouble for wearing shorts to the lake. Not really because I was wearing shorts, but more importantly a family from our church lived at the lake and they might see me.  The extent of my teenage rebellion. (actually I was 21 at the time)  There was so much emphasis on separation from the world and looking like a Christian and being a good testimony but it went too far.  I know the church meant well, but I think they did more to drive people away from Christianity than to draw them in. We made it look so unappealing. We made it look like if you choose Christ you had to give up movies, music, and a lot of other fun things, and  if that wasn't bad enough, you also had to wear culottes!  We had a testimony, but I don't think it was a good one. I think people either felt sorry for us or made fun of us. Teenage girls walking around town dressed like old ladies, how could anyone not make fun of that! I really didn't like my church for these reasons and so many more that I won't get into. I wish that my parents would have moved away. It makes me sad that a church took good things to an extreme and made it legalistic. I know they had good motives and I hold nothing against them.

      When my husband and I got married and started looking for our own church we actually looked for a church similar to what I just described.  I know that doesn't make any sense. Maybe it's like when a person leaves an abusive relationship only to go to another abusive relationship. I think we were convinced that what we grew up with was right and anything else was wrong. We were really afraid of being in a bad church. Neither of us grew up learning how to think for ourselves.  Our standards were decided for us, by our parents and then by BJ.  I was taught to trust the pastor, to do things the way he did them, that his way was the right way and not to question authority. We visited a lot of churches and many times we walked in, saw drums, turned around and walked out.  We didn't even give them a chance because we wanted a church with high music standards like we had growing up.  We knew that music was the first thing that went bad in a church.  Churches with drums meant emotional, empty music and fifteen minute motivational speaches about how we should all love each other.  Stop laughing.  We eventually moved to SC where we fell in love with a wonderful church and can't imagine going anywhere else. I remember going to one of our first church activities. It was summertime and so hot.  I was very surprised that a lot of the ladies had shorts on, and that no one was looking at them with that judgmental stare I knew so well.  I thought shorts were just something you wore on vacation or when you were sure no one from church would see you. I started going to Ladies Bible Study. I felt really dressed up when I got there and most of the ladies had jeans on.  "Really? it's ok to wear pants... in church!"  Again, everyone was so nice to each other. The ladies in skirts and dresses had no bad feelings toward the ladies in pants.

      As I mentioned before we were not fans of any type of CCM.  It repulsed me. I would always turn the volume down when it was on tv. The sound of it bothered me and I wanted nothing to do with it.  We started noticing that a lot of our Christian FB friends liked certain CCM groups. Part of me was sad that so many Christians were letting worldliness creep into their hearts through music. Part of me noticed that these were strong Christians for which I had great respect. Maybe it was good music. I didn't know. One of my friends posted a song on his FB page. It was Casting Crowns singing "Living He Loved Me". For the first time I listened to it with an open mind. It was beautiful and it gave God glory. Something changed in me. That person was not offending the weaker Christian, he was encouraging me to have an open mind and proving to me that not all CCM is full of empty words. My pastor preached a message about music, but I was sick that Sunday. I heard some talk of a controversial sermon regarding music, so of course, I wanted to hear to it. My children were quiet enough for me to listen to it on my computer one afternoon. I had heard a lot of preaching about music, but nothing like this. My pastor never said if he listened to CCM or not.  He was very clever not to give me the option of following his preference. He made me think for myself. After 30 years of listening to the same music, I was getting bored. It was all starting to sound the same. I started listening to the radio and I borrowed some cds from a friend.  Remember I had never been exposed to this type of music before. Some of it I didn't like, but some of it I loved. I love Chris Tomlin's song "Indescribable" and Laura Story's "Blessings".  Do you have any idea what it's like to listen to a whole new kind of music that you've never heard?  It's amazing!  It awakened something inside my soul. It made me feel alive and free.

      I came from an environment where Christianity looked like it was all about giving up a lot of fun things and dressing really strange. That is not Christianity; that's religion. That was trying to do things to earn God's love.  God can not love us any more or any less. His love is perfect. He loves us just the way we are. We don't have to give up anything. I must warn you though, the Gospel will change every area of your life. You will give up things, but it won't be because you have to, it will be because you want to.

Parenting 101 by Atticus Finch

     I wish I could sit down with Mr. Finch and discuss his parenting style.  Unfortunately, the fact that he is a fictional character, makes this rather impossible.  If the name Atticus Finch sounds familiar , you may have read To Kill a Mocking Bird at some point in your life.  Atticus had a seven year old daughter.  She liked to wear overalls, hang out with her brother and do boyish things.  I have a seven year old daughter.  She likes to dress like Spiderman.  The ladies in the town thought Scout needed to start wearing dresses and look like a girl. Atticus didn't care.  She was who she was. Scout and her brother, Jem respected their father, not just because he was their father, but because  he lived his life in a way that deserved respect.  When Scout and Jem had an argument, Atticus would sit down with them and patiently listen to both sides before making a decision.  He was very honest with them.  The kids knew they could go to him any time and ask him any questions they had.  He would always give them an honest and real answer.  They knew they could trust him.

     I want to be a parent like Atticus Finch.  I want to be really honest with my kids.  I want them to ask me tough questions and make me think.  I want to learn and grow with them and work through things together.  I want our relationship to grow steadily into adulthood.  I want my kids to respect me because of the way I live, not just because I'm their parent.  I want them to trust me to give them honest answers without judgment.

   We probably would all like to have a dad like Atticus Finch, but Atticus Finch is not real. My family looked really good on the outside.  We went to church whenever the doors were open, my dad was a deacon and my mom was the church secretary.  I have good memories of playing with my dad when I was very young.  I remember him playing board games and making forts with my sister and me.  When I became a teenager our relationship suddenly changed.  He completely shut me out of his life.  I guess he figured teenage girls were too difficult to parent, so he didn't try.  Once in a while I felt like I was getting closer to him and then he would say something that made me feel so unwanted.  I know I was not without fault during those years.  There were some things I was going through and really no one I could turn to.  I think girls naturally want to be close to their fathers.  He made it clear that he just wanted me to grow up, get married and move out.  I wanted that too, but a person can only grow up as quickly as time will allow.  I really don't know if my dad loved me during that time in my life.  Maybe he loved me, but didn't like me.  He was obviously going through some things himself. I will probably never know.  I have forgiven him. I know he raised me the best he knew, and I know he loves me now, and life goes on, but there are always consequences.  I've never had a real conversation with my dad. Our conversations will probably never go beyond small talk.  I love him. He's my dad, and I like it when he comes to visit, but there is no depth to our relationship.

     Sometimes when a person is the most difficult to love that is when they need you the most.  Children want what we all want.  Someone to love them unconditionally, someone to listen to them with an open mind, and not pass judgement.  Be an Atticus Finch. Don't stop being a parent before your job is done.  The last part of a race is the hardest.  Now is the time to sprint and give it all you've got.


"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.....until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."- To Kill A Mockingbird

I Can Have It All

I sure try to anyway.  I try to work part time, take care of 4 kids, read, keep a clean house, learn how to play guitar, exercise, socialize and the list goes on.  I often feel frustrated.  There just isn't enough time to do everything I want to do!  Maybe if I make lists and schedules and manage my time better I can fit it all in.  I don't work on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  My house is clean on those days, at least I think it's clean until I go over to someone's house who has older kids or no kids at all.  Their houses look and feel so clean and peaceful.  I wish my house could look like that.  I then imagine following my kids around with a magic eraser.  It would never work, I'm way too out numbered.  I must admit sometimes I'm a little envious of my single friend.  The one who wants so badly to get married and have a family.  She always seems to be off an adventure.  Road trips with friends, traveling to far away places on mission trips, enjoying life and making a difference. I'm so tied down with my family, which I love and it was all I ever wanted, but life is so busy and loud and there just isn't enough time.  There's not enough time to do anything complete.  I tell myself, "It will get better when the kids are a little older, I'll have more time to myself to do the things I want.", but I don't want to wish my life away.
    Last week I was listening to the radio and the lady said, "We often think we can have it all and we can, we just can't have it all at once."  That's what I was trying to do, have it all, all at once.  I began to think of our various seasons of life.  Each comes with it's own challenges and joys. In my current season of life, my house isn't very clean, but I still get to experience watching a little child fall asleep in my lap.  I'm sad those days will soon be over for me.  I don't get to go on vacations, but I get to have silly stay at home camping trips once a year with my kids.  Those memories and pictures are priceless.  My kids look forward to it all year.  I know that's something we will all talk about when they're grown.  I don't get to eat out much, but I can come up some creative dinners that my kids love and praise me for.  That gives me such joy.  I might not feel like I have enough time for myself right now, but it's ok.  Some day I will have all the time I want.  My house will be clean.  There will be no crayon marks on the wall or tooth paste painted on the kitchen cabinets.  I'll be able to go for a run and not worry about going over my 2 hour time limit in the nursery.  Someday I will be able to read for as long as I want with no interruptions.  It will be wonderful!  Right now, in my current season of life I could probably find a cheerio in every room and closet in my house, because right now I'm right in the middle of the "Little kid season".  That means I need to give up some things I really enjoy, not participate in too many activities, and watch my hours at work. I can't be as involved in church as I would like.  Sometimes I have to give up my early morning time to myself which I love to spend reading my Bible.  Occasionally that precious time is spent rocking a baby.  I don't think that's putting my child before God.  I can worship God while rocking a baby.  I think anyone who has ever held a newborn can attest to that.  There is a lot I have to temporarily set aside, but there are a lot of wonderful things I get to do. I need to enjoy life just the way it is right now, because I will never be able to come back to it.  So, you see, we can have it all, just not all at once.  Embrace each season of life as it comes.  There is a time for everything.

Ecc. 3:1- "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven."