2012

2012 is a year of great highs and lows for us. This year is filled with disappointments and new experiences.

   MARCH   -We go to a Casting Crowns concert. This is our first experience going to an event of this nature. We're excited and nervous. "What if we're the only ones not holding up our hands", we think. Contrary to what we've been taught growing up, it is an amazing experience being with so many people worshiping God together. Matthew West is there and we decide if he ever comes to Greenville again, we will go to his concert.

   We find out Brady doesn't get to go to  Brushy Creek. This is a shock to us, because we thought we registered him early enough. We are also surprised because Faith goes to school there and we thought they would try to keep siblings together. We don't know what to do. We try all we can to get him into Brushy Creek while considering our other options.

    Jason doesn't get the job in Travler's Rest he applied for earlier in the year. It is an executive position for the YMCA and we know he has a really good chance of getting the job. It is very close and he makes it as far as he can in the process without getting the job. This is a disappointing experience because it was very promising and seemed like the opportunity we had been waiting a long time for.

   JUNE   -Jason is contacted by the CEO of a YMCA association in NC. He wants Jason to apply for an executive position that will be opening up soon. They meet for lunch and talk about the branch and the area. We consider it, but decide it will require us to give up far too much. It is an especially hard decision because we are still disappointed about the TR job and this one seems to fall in our lap.

   The kids have a fun summer going to camp at the Cain Halter.  It is great for them to have something to do and it allows the kids to see their dad a little more when he takes them to work with him in the morning. He's usually able to take a few minutes to visit with me when I come to pick the kids up in the afternoon. Most days that is the only time I see him. They go to tennis, science and wrestling camp. Faith enjoys wrestling camp more than Brady does. Of course, she's the only girl. Brady really likes tennis camp and would  do it all summer if he could. Faith likes science camp the best. She disects a shark and I think that it's the highlight of her summer. Kasey is even able to go to Kindercamp. She feels so grown up carrying her lunchbox to the Y.

   The summer is half over and we still don't know what to do with Brady. We narrow our choices down to Brook Glenn or online public school. We are quickly running out of time and aren't happy with any of our options.

   JULY  -We start taking ball room dance lessons. It's an anniversary gift from Jason. He knows it is something I always wanted to do and puts his own reservations aside to do this with me. It turns out he enjoys it as much as I do and we continue to take lessons. It's so natural to want to move when you hear music and so satisfying to know how. I believe dance is the other half of music. I love watching people waltz who do it well. I hope I get to that point some day. And it all started one day when I said to Jason," Hey, do you want to go dancing at the Presbyterian church?" Words he never thought he'd hear me say, I'm sure.

   We still feel really discouraged about Jason's job. At the end of the summer we learn about two opportunities that will keep us here. Sometimes a person just needs a little bit of hope to hold on to.

   AUGUST  -We decide Brady will go to Brook Glen. The school doesn't look very impressive from the outside and the ratings aren't great, but we figure there are probably some really good teachers there and maybe Brady will get one. When we meet Brady's teacher it is clear to us that this is not the school for him. I  look at Jason and say to him, "Please don't make me drop him off here on Thursday." I am thankful he feels the same way. It's Monday and school starts in three days and we still don't know what to do with him. That's when we decide to home school. I think we are down to plan C. I home schooled Faith for kindergarten, and it was great, but she is much different from Brady. Now I'm part of the "home schooling club" and people keep telling me I'm doing the right thing, but I don't feel like I belong in that club and I don't think it's the right thing for either of us, but it seems like it's my only choice. The only time I have to myself, and the only time I have to clean my house is now spent teaching Brady. With Jason working so much, it's incredibly difficult to be with the kids all day without a break. Teaching Brady at home involves a lot of yelling. I've always felt that of all my kids, homeschooling would be the worst option for him. Both of us take turns going to our rooms to cry. It is not working at all. We decide to check out Chandler Creek. We looked at that school years ago when we were trying to find a place for Faith and we didn't like it much, but we are so desperate now and have to be open to other options. We actually love the school when we visit the second time with Brady. The faculty and staff are very kind to us and make us feel very comfortable sending Brady there. Brady and I are so happy that he will be going to school again. I know our indecisiveness was hard for him after being so excited about going to school all summer.  I am concerned how I will be able to pick them both up at the same time at two different schools in opposite directions, but Faith rides the YMCA bus to the Y where I pick her up, and it all works out.

   SEPTEMBER  -We learn that one of the two local job opportunities will not work out for us.
We are all still really struggling with the hours Jason is working, but there is nothing we can do about it except just push through it. Relationships suffer as a result. I miss the days when the worst thing that could happen is the van breaking down. Eventually, we begin to feel more content. We finally get to that place where we have no will of our own, or maybe we're just so exhausted emotionally. We stop fighting to make things work and submit and decide to be thankful. A few days later, the van and car need repair the same day. Sometimes you just have to laugh.

   The other job possibility begins to unfold. It is a specific opportunity that I have been praying would happen for years. It's exciting, but we are very cautious about getting our hopes up. We recognize the pattern.

   OCTOBER  -We find out once again that the opportunity isn't going to happen for us. Jason still works a lot of hours. We both feel overwhelmed with our jobs- his at the Y and mine at home. I find it very difficult to give the kids the attention they need and keep order in the house. Jason is home for dinner about twice a week. Sometimes it seems like he comes home just to sleep. It often feels as though things just aren't working out for us to stay here, but there's nothing causing us to leave. We finally start to enjoy living here, but we try to have an open mind. There are days when I'm sure we're suppose to stay; we just have to keep being patient, and there are days I feel we've hit a dead end and it's time to move on. We've been waiting for two years. I think it might be time to try to open some doors and see if God closes them. Our future is uncertain. The most frustrating thing is that we are not any closer to figuring out what to do than we were a year ago.

    I run my first half marathon. I guess sometimes we do things just to see if we can. I am thankful for the beautiful morning and strength to be able to run. During the race I see a little girl holding a sign that says, "Run strong, because it is God's gift". It really is.
   Later that night,we go to a Matthew West concert. It is nice to be able to bring Faith with us this time and enjoy the experience with her.  The second half of the concert he shares some of the stories behind his songs and it is very moving.
   The next week Jason and I visit Asheville. It's strange not being parents for a day and a half and having the freedom to be adventurous and spontaneous. We both really need this trip and I'm thankful for in-laws that recognize that need and are taking care of the kids for us.

  NOVEMBER  -We spend Thanksgiving with the Slamas like we do every year. My family all happens to be in town due to the arrival of my new nephew, but they ask us not to come. We are always welcome at Dan and Kelly's. Sure it's loud and chaotic at times, but it's comfortable there. It feels like we are with family. I'm thankful God puts the people into our life that we need. Dan and Kelly have been a blessing to us since we moved here seven and a half years ago. Wow, has it really been that long!

 DECEMBER  -Faith and I go to our first ballet. I've loved the Nutcracker since I was a little girl and I finally get to see it with my little girl.  We have a really nice time and are able to share the experience with some new friends.

   I get to go with Jason and Faith to deliver the Angel Tree presents tonight. I think, " how can there be so many needy families in a town filled with churches". I want to do more. Even though it brings me joy to deliver the gifts, it is a very sorrowful weekend. Earlier that day was the school shooting in CT. That night we visited a nursing home and sang to the people living there and were able to talk to some of them. They were so happy to see us there and they didn't even know us. Some of them were there physically, but their minds were somewhere else. Others seemed starved for company. Early Monday morning Jason's grandpa passes away. He and his wife had been married for sixty-six years. Jason and I were married on their anniversary. They had four kids too. His daughter (Jason's mom) was caring for him when he died. I find it very difficult to sleep being forced to face the reality of death. Those kids in CT were so young and so full of life and adventure. They probably didn't even know about death until that day. I know my little kindergartner thinks he lives in a safe world where everyone lives forever. Those in the nursing home had lived their lives and were finished having adventures. Jason's grandpa lived a good long life. I can't get over the pain of sharing a life with someone for sixty-six years and then one moment he's gone. I think of the daughter taking care of the father she loves as she watches him pass away. I wonder if that will be Faith and Jason one day. I drop Brady off at school a few hours after we got the phone call from Jason's mom. I know it will be hard. I'm tempted to keep him home with me, but I know I can't give in to my fears. One of his teachers is outside to meet the students as they are dropped off. I can see the sadness in her face behind the external smile. She feels it too and knows the pain in each parent's heart as they drop their little kindergartners off. I fight back the tears as I tell him I love him- as though it's a normal morning, because of course to him it is.  I cry on the way to work. I know we have hope in the resurrection and Christ took away the sting of death, but it still hurts.

    Jason is mostly off for the rest of the month. This is the best time of the year. It's so nice having him home- immediately the stress level subsides. I try not to think about how much he'll be working in January. 

   This year I learned that when people say, " God doesn't give us more than we can handle", they're lying. He gives us so much all we can do is cry out to Him in our distress. Sometimes we don't get an answer. Sometimes He lets us suffer and we just have to trust Him. Sometimes we feel He has forgotten us, but we know that's not true. We know he has a plan for us- a future and a hope. We experienced moments of great excitement and anticipation. We experienced times of discouragement and hopelessness. There were times we wanted to give up; there were times we did. Some days everything fell apart. Some days we couldn't talk to each other because the stress was just too great.  We learned a lot about the hard work necessary to keep relationships together, and how easily families can fall apart when there isn't balance. I learned that sometimes you have to look a little harder to find things to be thankful for, but they are ALWAYS there. We have planned not to have plans at this point in our life. Though it would be very difficult to leave, perhaps there are new friends to meet, places to explore and adventures to have.



 “We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer


Ten Things I got to do for the first time in 2012
1. ballroom dancing
2. enjoyed the view from the Blue Ridge Parkway while the mountains and road were covered with snow
3. new hikes and waterfalls, Triple Falls was my favorite (thanks for putting the idea in my head, Mitch)
4. went to a ballet
5. visited the Grove Park Inn
6. went to a CCM concert
7. tried champagne 
8. ran a half marathon
9. went swing dancing at the Handlebar
10. tried rusks, mulled wine and mincemeat pie (thanks, Billy and Rachel)

I'm not allowed in schools -God

"Dear God,
Why do you allow so much violence in our schools?

signed,
 a concerned student

Dear Concerned Student,
 I'm not allowed in schools.

God


A few people posted this on FB the day after the school shooting. In my experience this has not been the case. I remember my teacher and principal leading my class and school in prayer in my elementary days. My daughter, on several occasions stood in front of her class and read Bible stories or sang songs she learned at church. When we lived up north our pastor went to a public high school and had chapel services there with some of the students. So please don't blame violence in public schools on God not being there, because He is. His presence is more known in some than others, but He is there. The truth is there is violence in schools because there is sin in this fallen world. We know that it is not because God is absent, and we know it's not because God doesn't love us or that He is not in control. We know that this is not the way He designed the world to be and that's why it hurts so much when these things happen. We can be comforted to know He is coming back someday to make everything right again. Some of those teachers lost their lives to protect the students they loved. Where do you think that kind of love comes from? God help those parents that didn't get to pick their kids up from school, the pain must be unbearable.

The Wedding

I was reading about the miracle of the water being turned into wine. Everyone at the wedding was celebrating and enjoying the wine so much they ran out. Jesus came to their rescue by changing the water into wine so they could continue their celebration. I started thinking about a Baptist pastor in that situation. It was hard to imagine a Baptist pastor even making an appearance at a wedding reception that served alcohol, but I pictured him running to the store to buy more wine when they ran out at the reception so they could continue drinking. However, I couldn't see that happening in real life. I think sometimes we live our lives filtered through the culture of the church rather than through the Gospel.

Cornelious

 Acts 10:4-  "And he stared at him in terror and said, “What is it, Lord?” And he said to him, “Your prayers and your alms have ascended as a memorial before God."

I read this verse a couple weeks ago and it lingered in my mind. At times I strugle with the thought that I can't do anything that pleases God because even my good deeds are so tainted by dark motives. I'm so full of sin and don't know if I do anything with purely good motives. I know there is no good in me apart from Christ, but I  wonder if I do anything that pleases him. This verse is about Cornelious. He lived a godly life, not because he wanted to do good so God would bless him, but because he really loved God.  God spoke to Cornelious and told him how his devotion and faithfulness were like a fragrant offering to Him. As a result, Paul came to his house and preached and salvation came to his family.

It just really touched my heart that God noticed Cornelious and appreciated him and blessed his family. Imagine what that would be like! Imagine God noticing some good work in us,telling us that it meant something to Him and then giving us a special blessing as a result.

Holiness

This morning our teacher in Small Group asked, "How do we become more holy?" A part of me wanted to raise my hand and say, "Well, we make a list of things we should  and shouldn't do. The bigger the list and the better we stick to it the more holy we are." I refrained. Someone else had a much better answer, she said, "We become more holy by confessing sins." I agreed with her answer, but thought there must be more to it than that. I thought about the people in my life that I consider holy. They don't seem to be striving toward holiness; it's like holiness just happened to them while they were striving toward something else. I thought about humility. Humility isn't when we think little of ourselves, it's when we don't think about ourselves at all. The moment we think we've become a humble person, we've become proud. We can't specifically work towards becoming more humble. Humility happens when we stop thinking so much of ourselves and put our eyes on Christ and others. Maybe holiness is the same way. If we try to become holy, we become legalistic. If we stop trying to work on our own holiness and put our focus on God's holiness, we will be in awe of His greatness and overwhelmed by our sinfulness. The people I consider holy, are the most humble and most aware of how much they fall short. They don't think they're holy, which is probably a good indication that they are. Should we specifically strive toward holiness? if so, how do we without becoming legalistic?

Now, Say, "You're Sorry"!

 "Love lets the past die. It moves people to a new beginning WITHOUT settling the past. Love does not have to clear up all misunderstandings...Love prefers to tuck all the loose ends of past rights and wrongs in the bosom of forgiveness- and pushes us into a new start. Love is forgiveness." Phil Ryken

 I find it quite difficult to forgive the person who who sees no need for forgiveness- the person who has deeply hurt us and admits of no wrong doing. I attempt to justify my unforgiving attitude by telling myself I'm not obligated to forgive one who won't ask to be forgiven, one who is proud and unwilling to work things out, but then I gently hear, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." We want justice and sometimes we think that forgiveness and justice are opposites. Forgiveness does not disregard justice, but rather purifies it. When we begin to love as Jesus loves, we begin to forgive as Jesus forgives. When we forgive we release ourselves from our prideful anger, and replace it with compassion and love for others. Forgiveness becomes justice uncontaminated by our sinful motives and revengeful spirit. Only through love and forgiveness can we move on without settling the past, or getting an apology or proving to the other person that we're right.  I've learned that forgiveness is not just a one time thing for each offense. It's often a constant, daily battle. There are some who have wronged me and I will likely never have closure, but it is a daily battle of forgiveness to avoid letting that seed of bitterness find a place in my heart. I pray I'm not that person in someone's life.


After writing this, someone contacted me to apologize and ask for forgiveness. So much time had passed and it would have been easy for her to forget and let it go. Though all the while I struggled not to be bitter toward her. She didn't know. There was no communication between us. When  I read the words she wrote, I had instant respect for her humility and desire to do the right thing and the struggle against bitterness toward her went away.

 To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in me.” -–C. S. Lewis

Stick to the The Approved List

 "When you judge another, you don't define them, you define yourself."

Jason and I have been taking ballroom dance lessons since July and we have not kept that a secret. When I first started writing about it on FB someone commented, "Does anyone else have any secrets they want to post?" I purposely did not want to hide it. I find it more difficult to get to know people in the church than people from work or the kid's school. It seems there's an unspoken approved list of things to talk about such as work, kids, church, sports, school. We can't reveal too much about our personal lives. We can't talk about drinking or dancing and we have to be really careful discussing books, movies, or music. We try to build relationships with people in church by walking on eggshells and not revealing too much about ourselves. This makes for some very shallow relationships. I really don't feel like people are judging me and it wouldn't bother me if they were because I struggle with that myself at times- we all do.

What's the Stink About Ink

 "Mom, what does that guy have all over his arms?"  "Those are tattoos. He's probably not saved and needs to hear about Jesus. We should pray for him."  I've heard similar conversations from others and I know I've had those conversations myself at one time, but what does the Bible say?

First of all, does the Bible clearly teach that tattoos are sin?  Some would say, “Yes” based on Leviticus 19:28, "You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you: I am the Lord." It seems pretty clear if you isolate that phrase. The preceding verse talks about not eating anything with blood and not shaving around the sides of your head. In that culture those things were pagan rituals and meant something very different than they do today. So, if a Christian believes tattoos to be sin based on this verse, they must also abstain from the other things mentioned in the preceding verses to be consistent with their beliefs. It's more about motives.

Second, we must be very careful not to look at someone’s outward appearance and judge their heart. People get tattoos for different reasons- Maybe as a memorial to a child who has died, or to remember a momentous event in their life or maybe to have a constant reminder of a verse that has been a source of strength. I have Christian friends who have tattoos and some got them after they were saved. The Bible says that we will know them by their fruit, not by whether or not they have tattoos, or the length of their hair or the way they dress or any other external thing. If we can tell the state of someone’s heart by their outward appearance, where do we draw the line? We can only know if someone is a Christian if there is evidence of the fruits of the Spirit in their life. We can only see evidence of that if we get involved. Next time you see someone with a tattoo, feel sorry for them and say, "They're obviously unsaved and just need Jesus", think again, maybe they just saw you loose your patience with your child and they were thinking the same of you.

John 13:35   "By this shall all know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

Galatians 5:22-24    "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against this there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."

The Tree and the Little Boy

I recently read the book, "The Giving Tree". It's a children's book, and a simple story, but one that lingered in my mind. The story tells of a tree that loves a boy. She is happiest when she gives to the boy. She gives and gives until there is hardly anything left of her- just a stump, but even then she is happy to give the boy a place to rest. It's a beautiful story of giving, but a sad story as well. Though the boy enjoys the gifts the tree has to offer and always comes back to her, he never says thank you to the tree even though he says loves her. The boy appreciated the tree and what she had to give him, but he never thought of giving himself. The tree was never sad that the boy didn't love her as much as she loved him, she was just happy merely to have something to give the boy. She thought only of him and what would make him happy.

This year on good Friday I watched "The Passion of the Christ" for the first time. I was so moved by Jesus love for the people who were so cruel to Him. When Jesus knew His time was come, He did so much to prepare His closest friends. He was so concerned for them and prepared them for what He knew would be so difficult, for THEM. He had more love and compassion toward the disciples than He did fear for what He knew He was about to endure. Like the tree in the story, He gave and gave until He gave His life for those He loved so much. Are we like the boy? Do we enjoy all that Christ has to offer, giving little if any thanks though we claim to love Him? Do we accept and appreciate all the gifts He gives to us without willingness to give ourselves? We truly become alive when we allow our souls to become enchanted by the simple treasures He gives us daily. How can we not thank Him and give Him our lives, our thoughts, our gratefulness.


"This people honors me with their lips, but their hears are far from me." -Matthew 15:8

Dear John

Dear John,
Whenever God seems so far away and I grow discouraged over the things of this world l often reach for your book. The way you write makes Him become so real to me. It's powerful, sometimes too powerful, creating a love so intense that sometimes I have to put your book down and reach for  another. You make my heart ache to be with Him. I like how you refer to yourself as the one who Jesus loved. I wonder if you were thinking about how He created you to be one of His closest earthly friends and what a special privilege that was. You write so humbly and honestly. My favorite parts are when He said, "before Abraham was, I AM." How amazing that must have been to hear Him say that, and know! I also love what you wrote about Jesus and Mary in the garden that first Easter morning. I wish I could have secretly watched that moment in history. I wish I could have seen His face when He talked to her and then looked at her and said her name. And then you end your book with, "there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written." Someday I will be able to thank you in person for your book and ask Him about all those other things.

Until then,
 Annaliese

Just Follow Your Heart

We constantly hear the phrase, "just follow your heart", but the Bible says the heart is deceitful. I think we hear it so much that sometimes we make decisions based on our feelings. Just because we have a peace about something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. We tend to determine God's will for our lives based  on our feelings or our hearts. When I have to apologize to someone, or confront someone, I don't have a peace, but I know it's right. Sometimes God wants us to go out of our comfort zone and that is anything but peaceful! I was recently talking to someone about music and she said she determined if a style of music was sinful by whether or not she felt guilty by listening to it. We give far too much authority to our feelings or our hearts than we do the Bible or godly council.

Motherhood

"Dear friends without kids, enjoy being able to lay around and sleep in peaceful quietness when you're not well."- I'm sick with a cold today and was going to put this as my status, but didn't because I didn't want people to think I was complaining about being a mother. But, just because I'm sick doesn't mean the kids are going to stop arguing, drawing on the furniture, or throwing food on the floor and then demanding more of something else. I just want to lay around and enjoy being sick! There's a picture on Pinterest that says something about how good moms have messy houses and happy kids. Good moms aren't suppose to care about what the house looks like or what they look like, it's all about enjoying every moment with the kids because they grow up so fast. Well, there are a lot of moments I really don't enjoy, and I'm pretty sure there are a lot of things I'm not going to miss. But, somehow the good moments have more power than the bad moments, and the longer I'm a mother, the more the good moments accumulate until they overpower the bad so much that I can't remember them, or at least can't remember them exactly as they were.

Happy Earth Day

"Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it." -Genesis 2:15

I've come across some Christians who think the earth is for us to use and abuse, to be wasteful and careless because it's not going to last and we are not of this world. They look down on those who take care of the earth, accusing them of loving creation rather than the creator and no doubt, some do. God created the earth for us, shouldn't we appreciate it? Shouldn't we be good stewards of what we have been given? God gave Adam authority over the earth and with that authority came stewardship. We have a responsibility to preserve and appreciate the resources we have been given. The earth is an amazing place that was created just for us. It is a privilege!

"So God blessed Noah and his sons, and said to them: "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth. And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be on every beast of the earth, on every bird of the air, on all that move on the earth, and on all the fish of the sea. They are given into your hand." -Genesis 9:1-2

"With great power comes great responsibility."-Spiderman ( sorry, I just had to throw that one in there)

Thanks for March

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."-1 Thessalonians 5:18

Yesterday the kids were playing outside in the water when they suddenly ran inside and said there was a bee and they were going to stay inside. They wanted to go back out and play, but they were afraid. Then I heard Faith say, "Come on, Brady. Don't let that bee take away your joy!"

March is usually my favorite month, but not this year. This March has been a discouraging month for us, and we're really trying to not let it take away our joy. Brady didn't get into Brushy Creek, where Faith goes to school. We did all the right things to get him in, so it was surprising to get that news. They were really excited to be in school together and Faith would always talk about how she would get to wait with him to get picked up at the end of the day. She told him all about kindergarten and the teachers he might have. When we visited her, he would point out the kindergarten class rooms and playground, which Kasey always referred to as Brady's cage. Faith and Brady are so close. Now, he's going to go to a different school. I'm not sure how that will work, but I know it will.

The same time we were going through the school situation, an opportunity came up for Jason at work. The kind of opportunity for which we had been waiting for a long time. He was interviewed for an executive position at a different branch. We had to wait longer than we wanted to to find out if he got the job. It seemed like a great opportunity for our family, what we had already been waiting so long for. It was so close between him and another guy. The other guy got it. I received  the phone call from Jason while my parents were visiting. They didn't know any of this was going on. I only told one person, and Jason told a few others. The other guy had just moved to town because his wife got a job in Greenville. I'm happy that it worked out so well for them. There's another opportunity on the horizon, but it's a way off and it means more waiting.

We are disappointed that these things have not worked out, but thankful God knows what's best for us. We would have chosen differently and we would have been wrong. Dealing with the stress this past month has been extremely difficult. Sometimes God lets us look back and see what He was doing, and sometimes He just wants us to trust Him. Some of our circumstances are pleasant and some are not, but we are commanded to be thankful in ALL circumstances. I'm finding reasons to be thankful that Brady is going to a different school, that Jason didn't get the job and that we have more waiting to do.

The Gift of Missing Church

Last Sunday I had to miss church again because of the baby. He made it through the song time, but that was as long as he could sit still. I was surprised he made it that long. I brought shoes to change into this week because last Sunday I spent the day walking around the hall ways of my church in four inch heels. I took him out on the play ground. It was the most beautiful morning. I enjoyed watching him try to play like a big kid, climbing and falling and getting dirt on his hands and clothes. He loved it. It was so quiet and beautiful. He was content until he saw the ushers walking in the parking lot, then he thought that looked like much more fun, and the playground could keep him contained no longer. I took him home, opened all the windows and listened to the radio while I cleaned up the house. My parents were visiting, so I was a little behind on the housework. I put him in his high chair and played with him while I was getting lunch started. That's when I realized I was really enjoying this special morning that God had given me. Instead of being frustrated with the baby for making me miss church again and feeling guilty for not being in the service, I was thankful for the gift He had given me.

"There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God,"  - Ecclesiastes 2:24

You Did It To Me

"The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back."

I work about nine hours a week taking care of children in the nursery at the Y. I love my job because it gives me opportunities to serve others. Matthew 25:40 says, "Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me." Some of the children I've cared for have had parents going through a separation. I remember one who was diagnosed with cancer, another who had heart surgery, some who were autistic, one who was blind. Some were foster children who had come from abusive homes. Some just need us to love and care for them so their mom's can have a break and be refreshed. I can definitely relate to that. It's a privilege to take care of these little ones. I am there to serve them and love them. Sometimes when I'm at work I get frustrated when my own children need, well, extra attention. As if, they were taking me away from my ministry. I forget that they are my ministry too. I've been having a hard time with my three year old lately and my husband worked late tonight. I took my kids to the nursery and it was such a blessing for me to see them being well taken care of. As I ran around the track, I could see the workers happily playing on the playground with them. The night always seems to go better when I can get a little break. Knowing my kids are loved there makes it even better.

I've been trying to figure out a charity that my family can get involved in, slowly at first, but more involved as we all get older. I think sometimes I hide from the needs around me because it can be painful to see. I want my family to see how other people live, learn compassion, love for others and appreciation for all that we have.

 ^"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,  I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’  And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."  Matthew 25:35-40

Casting Crowns Concert

My husband and I went to a Casting Crowns concert last week. I bought the tickets a while ago. At first, I was unsure if I wanted to spend the money and worried we would be too much out of our element. Would we be the only ones not raising our hands. What if it was too loud. What if we didn't enjoy it as much as we thought we would. What if we got sick and couldn't go? But, would we regret missing out on the experience. Would it be a tremendous blessing. Would it be really fun and something we would enjoy doing together. I decided it was worth the risk and committed to going.  I was actually really thankful that we were all sick in January, because I knew it would be unlikely that we would be sick again in March. I was excited at first and became more unsure as it got closer. I didn't tell my family. I knew it would either bother them or they wouldn't care.

We had such a good time and will definitely do it again. Our seats were six rows from the stage right on the middle aisle. I was concerned I wouldn't be able to see but that was not a problem. I can't wait until the kids are old enough to go with us. The Gospel was presented in the challenges as well as in the music and it was entertaining. They looked joyful when they sang. Have you ever noticed how some people look so sad when they sing in church? It was actually not as emotional as I expected it to be. Just a lot of people worshiping God together who weren't ashamed to show feeling and excitement for Him.  I've had more emotional experiences at camp than I did at the concert.

A few days after the concert we got a message from a friend who was saddened by our new attitude towards music. He challenged us to make our music decisions based on good theology and said "The problem with "CCM" and other popular religious movements is not that there is an absence of a gospel message, but rather does that message truly line up with the God of the Bible and His Gospel message." I appreciate friends who keep us on track and challenge us to give an answer for what we believe and the decisions we make." I can answer him with confidence that we did make our decision based on good theology and we choose to listen to music that does line up with the God of the Bible and the Gospel message. We need to be discerning in the area of music as well as all areas of life.  If I decided that I would not listen to any CCM because some of it was lacking in depth I would be missing out on something God wanted me to enjoy. Here are the words of one of my favorite songs that I got to hear that night.

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

 I'm thankful that I know what I believe about music and why. I'm blessed to be in a church where the preaching is based on the Bible rather than opinion and for godly people who help me sort through these things and encourage me in the right direction. Some think styles of music are worldly, but it's the philosophy behind the words that make it worldly. Worldliness is a philosophy that promotes worship of self rather than worship of God. The style of music is culture. Culture is not sinful. However, sometimes culture and worldliness overlap. We can easily see that in music. I use to worry about answering the questions my kids would someday ask. "If styles of music can be wrong, how do we know which ones to avoid? Why is okay for you to listen to rock music when you're working out, but no other time? Why can we dance and have fun with the music at the end of a movie, but no other time?" I don't have to worry about that any more. I had my kids clean their rooms and they wanted to listen to music. Faith put in one of her Patch the Pirate cd's and sang along. Brady turned on HIS Radio and cranked the volume as loud as he could stand it. We all like different things. I'm glad they can enjoy so many varieties of music.

Abundance For Every Good Deed

"We are not blessed so we can have, we are blessed so we can give."- Mark Hall
  
Deuteronomy 16:17
Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God which He has given you.

A couple of months ago our Sunday school teacher asked our class the question, "Why don't Christians give more?" There were the expected church responses of good stewardship and taking care of our families first. I really wanted to raise my hand and say, "I don't give more because I'm selfish and I like my stuff." I think that's the honest reason why I don't give more.

I know it's okay to be wealthy and God gives us all things to enjoy, but what keeps us from selling much of what we don't use, living in smaller houses, giving to the poor and needy and furthering mission work? Do you think when Christians have fancy houses and dress well, unsaved people think they have a double standard? Do you think we focus too much on the being a good steward verses and the taking care of our families verses while we try not to look too closely at the story of the widow who gave all she had or the ones who were so poor they had to sell their possessions just so they could have money to give, and what about the people that gave as though they were rich? Am I living according to the Gospel or am I making the Gospel fit my life so I can be comfortable? These are some of the questions I've been asking myself. I don't have the answers.

I decided to challenge myself to give away the things I don't need or use instead of selling them. There's certainly nothing wrong with selling things to make a little extra money. I just wanted to challenge myself in this way. I'm finding it harder than I thought it would be, though I'm still enjoying it. Sometimes it can be difficult to give knowing that you will get nothing in return. I'm working on a bigger project to be able to give more in the future. I also have some specific giving projects on my bucket list that I'm really looking forward to.

Are we excited about giving? Are we working on ways to give more. Are we looking for opportunities?

2 Corinthians 9:6-8
Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.

I like what he says about having an abundance for every good deed. We should think up some good deeds and pray expecting God to provide. Maybe He already has and we just can't let go.

(Please post your favorite giving verses in the comments section on my blog so future readers can enjoy them and be encouraged and inspired).

My Wednesday Lunch Date

I've been trying to eat lunch at school with my second grade daughter more often. When she was in kindergarten and first grade I had lunch with her three or four times a year.  My goal was to do it twice a month, but it's been every week. Every Wednesday after work. It works out perfectly. I get out at 11:30 and she starts lunch at 11:30. The school is about a half mile from where I work. We usually have about 15 minutes together, but it's enough. Enough to see her smile when I walk into the cafeteria with the other three kids, enough to listen to her talk and enough for me to say "hi" to her friends and get to know them better. I wish I would have made that more of a priority two years ago when she started going to school. I told myself it was too much trouble to take all the kids to school during nap time. I read a book a while ago called "Going Public". It's an excellent book about parenting and having kids in a public school. I recommend it to anyone with kids regardless of where they attend. The main point of the book is how parents should be as involved as they can in their child's school life, by getting to know their friends, teachers, spending time in the class room, volunteering, etc. The thing that really hit me was that the couple writing the book had eight kids! I was using the "I have a lot of kids it's too much trouble excuse" with four. She asked me all the time to have lunch with her, and I would always tell her it's too hard with the kids. She understood. I went to public school when I was in second grade. I'm still friends with my best friend from that year. I remember the boy I liked and the group of kids I played with. Chances are she will too. Do I want her to have memories of her mom not wanting to take the trouble to eat lunch with her at school or do I want her to have memories of her mom, brothers and sister going out of their way to spend a few minutes with someone they love. I told my husband I was going to try to have lunch with her on Wednesdays. She overheard me and now expects it. She's the one keeping me accountable. I spend about fifteen minutes one day a week with her at school, and even though we really don't talk about anything important and sometimes the baby screams and gets everyone's attention, I can tell she's happy we're there and proud to show me her friends and classroom. How could I have been so selfish...

I Must Have It

 "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs." 1 Timothy 6:10

I've been thinking about something my pastor said in his sermon last night. He said if we see something we want and just have to have it, we love money. I always thought of loving money as a couple that worked full time and had their kids in day care so they could maintain a certain standard of living, or perhaps someone who saved every cent they had so someday they could have a beautiful, impressive house, and it certainly is those things, but it's also when we see something that we really want and think we can't live without it. That's the point he was making. When we adjust our budget or take on extra work just so we can obtain another possession, we love money. When we go into debt over wants or buy a house we really can't afford, we love money. I think God wants us to enjoy money, but I don't think He wants us to depend on it for joy. Now when I see something that I must have, I think again. Does this desired object have too much importance to me?

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment," 1 Timothy 6:6

Just Say "No"...or Maybe Just "Wait"

"Taking of responsibilities that are not on God's agenda for this season of our lives = unnecessary stress and frustration." Nancy Leigh DeMoss

I think a lot of moms can relate. We often get ambitious and take on too much responsibility. Even though all the things we're involved in are good things; it's just too much. We begin to feel stressed and frustrated and guilty that we can't keep up with it all. Sometimes we need to step back and put some good things on hold for another season.

I work three mornings a week and it's a perfect balance for me right now, but sometimes I think I can take on more. When I do, something always suffers. There will be moments of stress, but life should not be stressful. There have been times when I've had to cut back on work, in order to get enough exercise, provide a clean and orderly environment for my family and give them the quality time they need. If I can't provide those things, I know my priorities are not right.

We need to really be careful about doing God's will at the wrong time, because the things God wants us to do now will suffer, and we can never go back. God doesn't want us to do everything, but He wants everything we do to be His will in the right season of life.

Putting Up A Good Front

My husband went to a routine meeting, and noticed one of his co workers across the room. He knew she had been going through some really hard things lately, so he went over and gave her a hug and asked her how she was doing. She smiled and said, "Good, I'm doing really good." About a week later, she decided to take her life. Today, he's at her funeral.

It made me think about how much we need each other and how important it is to talk about the difficult things we're going through. Things like debt, relationship problems, and postpartum depression can turn into major depression if we keep it to ourselves. There are two ways we keep people out of our lives. We can become very cynical, shut everyone out and live very isolated lives. But, we can also keep people out by making it look like we have it all together on the outside when there's actually a lot of pain on the inside. I guess we're too proud and maybe ashamed to admit that we need help. The truth is, we all struggle sometimes. No one's life is perfect and happy all the time, even if it appears that way. Let someone who cares, help you. Talk to someone. Maybe a friend is talking to you about a personal struggle. Take it seriously, It may be worse than they're letting on. Get involved. You may unknowingly save someone's life.

Logical Faith

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love." These words played on the radio as I folded laundry on a Sunday afternoon. I like doing laundry on Sundays. This phrase really stood out to me as I listened to the song. Sometimes my faith is strong and sometimes it's weak. I'm thankful the object of my faith never changes. I am so easily distracted and wander away from the One who loves me most. He gives me a free will and watches as I drift away. It must hurt Him deeply, though, He always smiles and comes after me. I know it's foolish, but sometimes it bothers me that I can't understand how God can hear my prayers. I can believe in creation, but not prayer? Whenever I reach these low points in my life I reach for the biographies of Jesus. I've been reading Matthew lately. There was a passage where Jesus said something to a group of people, then the Bible says He knew their thoughts and then He responded verbally to them. That's a comfort to me. I know I can't understand everything about God, but reading about how Jesus knew their thoughts reassured me that He does hear my prayers. It's also an encouragement that He knows my thoughts because there is freedom in honesty. We can't say, "Sure God loves me but He doesn't know what I was just thinking." He doesn't allow us the opportunity to use those excuses. There is no deception between us and God, only honesty which is freedom. There's just something about reading of His life on earth and seeing the way He interacted with those around Him, that just makes Him more real to me and causes my heart to long to be with Him more. I just finished reading a book called "A Higher Court". It's about a man who is on a jury that listens to compelling evidence for both sides of the argument of whether or not God exists. I think all of us at various points in our lives are faced with that decision. The more I know about God the more I want to know Him. 1 John 4:19-"Draw nigh unto me as I draw nigh unto you."

I'm also encouraged by all the historical evidence supporting the authenticity of the biographies of Jesus. Most of the New Testament books were written close to the actual events by eye witnesses. Most of the disciples died for their beliefs. They wouldn't have given their lives for something they knew was false. There are historical, non Christian writings that mention people who were key characters in the Bible. It's not just faith and it's not just logic, it's both. Christianity is not blind faith, it goes so much deeper than mere rote recitation.

"Here's my heart,O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

My Love/Hate Relationship With Beauty

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14

"Look closely at one of the lies our society tries to sell. "You must be physically perfect in order to be accepted, in order to feel truly beautiful." Believing you must have a certain look, a toned body, a certain color of skin, commercial worthy hair, or perfect straight teeth in order to be beautiful is such a lie." -Kimberly Powers

My daughter is eight and she's starting to say things like, " I wish my hair was yellow", or" I wish I had blue eyes like my brother." Like a good, Christian mom, I always say something like," God made you just the way He wanted to, and He doesn't make any mistakes, right?" or, "Isn't it wonderful that God made people in all different shapes, sizes and colors. Imagine how boring it would be if we all looked exactly the same." I want her to be really comfortable with the way she looks. God planned for her to have brown hair and brown eyes. To me she is a work of art! I'm sure a lot of you say similar things to your daughters, but then what do we do? We look in the mirror at ourselves and make mental notes about all the physical things we wish we could change about our own appearance. We may day dream about what is would be like to get "some work done" and get rid off all these things that bother us so much. I wonder what God thinks when we have these thoughts. He planned how He was going to create us from the beginning of time. He told us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and we know God doesn't make mistakes, right? And then He sees us criticizing His beautiful work. The older I get the more I realize this isn't just a problem teen girls have. I assume some women have overcome this. I'm still working on it. Sometimes we worry so much about whether or not someone else thinks we're outwardly beautiful. Maybe we suppress it for the good of our daughters, but it's still there, deep in our hearts.

I've always struggled with the color of my skin. Starting in elementary school, I would have kids come up to me, hold their arm up to mine and say, "Wow! look how dark I am compared to you". I hated it so much. I was thankful I lived in Michigan where the summers were short and not too hot. As a teen I would try to lay out in attempt to get tan, but it only resulted in sunburns. I was teased so much and I thought if I could just get a tan, I would be pretty and they would leave me alone. A week before my wedding, the photographer suggested to me to go tanning so I would look better in my wedding pictures. I would dread summer every year and avoid wearing shorts at all costs. That seemed to work until we moved to South Carolina. I quickly learned 2 things. Summers were very long,and very hot! I had a daughter and I knew I had to deal with this sin in my life. I call it sin because I was ashamed of the way God made me and wished I could look different. Having a poor self image is pride disguised as humility. I didn't want her to see the hypocrisy in my life. For me, wearing pants all summer was not an issue of modesty or high dress standards, it was being embarrassed by the color or my skin. Yes, I actually felt like it was sinful for me to wear pants instead of shorts, because of of my motives. I'm getting better, but it is a struggle every year when the weather starts to get warm. I know some of you struggle with similar things. When I see women who may be a little over weight, or have varicose veins, or scars wearing shorts, I have so much admiration for them, because they are comfortable with the way they look. They are dressed appropriately for the weather and aren't even thinking about it. I want to be like that. I know of a woman in her 60's who still struggles with this. She wears long pants even if it's 100 degrees out because her husband told her she was too white and needed some color in her skin. His comment offended me, because my skin was the same color as hers and I had shorts on. I felt like he was telling me I was ugly. I have a feeling that even the women I see that I think are so beautiful have something they wish they could change too. You can't turn the tv on without hearing about different ways to dress to look younger or some new facial treatment that will take away wrinkles. The truth is we are all going to age and we should focus more on God's idea of beauty.

God should be able to look at us and see a person so consumed with Him that we don't have any time to think about ourselves. Our focus should be on glorifying Him. Some of you are so beautiful on the inside, that that's all I see when I look at you.Don't be fooled into believing that you have to live up to this impossible standard of beauty.

"I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works and that my soul knows very well."

Giving Project

I read a book a few weeks ago about a group of people that took turns giving away $100. It didn't seem like enough to really make a difference in someone's life. However, it was interesting to see how they each spent the money, trying to stretch it as far as they could. One lady spent some of her money on diapers, blankets and bottles for a crisis pregnancy center. One bought Christmas presents for a family in need. Another went to the dollar store and bought a variety of things to take to the homeless shelter. Another paid for transportation vouchers for elderly to use to go to doctors appointments. Though, in my opinion it wasn't a very well written book, it was an inspiring idea. It made me think about how most of us could easily spare $100. I asked myself how I would give that amount away.  My family decided on our own giving project and we're very excited about it. I think sometimes we forget how much we really have to give and how many needs there are all around us. In the book it was suggested that after they all took turns giving away $100, they take turns giving a day to serve others. How would you give $100? How would you give a day? Are we willing?


"Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the Lord thy God which he hath given thee."-Deut. 16:17

Creation Regained

"When we look through the corrective lens of Scripture, everywhere the things of our experience begin to reveal themselves as creaturely, as under the curse of sin, and as longing for redemption."-Wolters

My friend suggested I read a book called "Creation Regained". I was viewing all areas of my life as sacred, secular, and neutral, and he thought the book would be a good read for me. When I began to read it, I wondered what my friend was thinking! There was no way I was going to understand it. Sometimes it takes my brain a while to adjust from reading children's books to something with a little more depth. I ended up really enjoying it and I look forward to reading it again.The book talks about how everything is rooted in something good that God created. Sometimes I feel very overcome with all the sinfulness in the world. That's why I don't watch the news. I was depressed a lot growing up. My parents watched the news all the time- that and Star Trek, which also may have contributed to my problem. This book really encouraged me by giving me a different perspective. Instead of looking at something as purely sinful, I try to see the original good in it. Wolter's book helped me see how every area in our lives is sacred. The missionary in a far off land doesn't have a more sacred job than the part time minimum wage worker. It goes deeper than that though, watching movies, reading a novel, cleaning, shopping,- all the everyday, normal, mundane things we do have a sacred quality to them. He says we all have a job of redemption wherever we are, in every area of our life. The theme of this book is creation and redemption. The origional beauty God created is not completely obliterated by sin. We should view all parts of our lives through the lens of the Bible instead of compartmentalizing with one area being sacred and the rest secular or neutral. This book has a lot of depth and I'm sure I'll learn more each time I read it.

"We continually run the risk of condemning the legitimate in our zeal to reject evil, or of embracing the corrupt in our desire to do justice to the good. We are always in danger of rejecting the creational in the name of the fall, and of accepting the fallen in the name of creation." 

"Prostitution does not eliminate the goodness of human sexuality; political tyranny cannot wipe out the divinely ordained character of the state;the anarchy and subjectivism of much of modern are cannot obliterate the creational legitimacy of art itself. In short, evil does not have the power of bringing naught God's steadfast faithfulness to the works of His hands."

The Christian Look

"When a person looks at you, they should know right away that you're a Christian." Years ago when I heard that statement, it was referring to the way a person looks on the outside. I started thinking about what a Christian should look like. Is it wearing certain clothes or having a particular haircut? I have Christian friends that have tattoos and piercings. I think looking like a Christian is more about living in a way that demonstrates the fruits of the Spirit. ( love, joy, peace, long suffering, patience, goodness, temperance, meekness, and self-control) That doesn't mean we should write out the list and look for opportunities to put them into action. That would be the same as making a list of external things. I think as we grow closer to God and focus on Him the fruits of the Spirit will naturally come out in our life and be evident to those around us.

My pastor's son goes to the same school as my daughter. I was sitting in car line one day and I saw him walking to pick up his son. My first thought was that he didn't look like a pastor. He looked like a regular dad. ( I thought pastors were suppose to wear khaki pants and a polo shirt when they were off duty) I noticed another thing about him too. He was smiling, and not at anyone in particular. He was just happy. He looked like a person who was filled with joy. He looked like a Christian.

The Tired Mom and the Park

I was planning all day to take the kids to the park after I picked up my oldest from school. The park we go to is very close to the school, so we go there often. It was a beautiful 67 degree January day. I knew this weather wouldn't last much longer and soon it would be too cold to go to the park. However, the middle children were having a rather difficult day and I was so tired! I really didn't feel like going, but it was a way for me to esteem others better than myself. I was doing it for them, and I knew even if we stayed for a short time, they would still love it.

I recently started doing something new with my eight year old daughter. She likes to write and keep journals and make charts...ok, so maybe she's a little like me. Every night I have her write down one thing  she is thankful for. It has to be from that day and she can't use the same thing twice. I thought this project would be fun for her and teach her to be more positive and focus on the good.

I asked her what she wrote about today. She's always eager and proud to tell me. She wrote, "January 6,2012 I am thankful that I got to go to the Pavilion park because of the wether that god gave for us. I think he is great."

That was a blessing to me in two ways. First, we only stayed for 20 minutes and they didn't even complain when it was time to go. She reminded me that it's the small things all put together that make a nice childhood. Second, and most importantly, she is beginning to see God all around her. I am always looking for opportunities to put her focus on Him. "Faith, look how beautiful God made that sunset! Isn't God amazing. You should be proud of the way you are and the way you look, because God dreamed you up in His heart. He imagined you and then created you exactly the way He wanted you to be." I really can't tell if she's paying attention or if she really cares. Now I know that my efforts are not in vain and it is sinking in.

High Heels and Gourmet Meals

Whenever I think about the ideal wife and mother, the perfect Proverbs 31 woman, I picture a stay at home mom who always has cookies and milk ready for the kids when they come home from school, or maybe she has seven kids and home schools all of them. I imagine her getting up early and exercising,(so she can look good for her husband, of course) fixing her hair and make up so everyone always sees her looking her best. Then she makes a delicious and healthy breakfast for her family which is waiting for them when they get up. Her house is always clean and her children are well behaved. She's probably successfully doing some Mary Kay on the side. She brings lunch to her husband while he's at work. She's just so proud of him! Of course she hurries home to start on dinner, which she'll make from scratch and there must be a dessert to go with it. I'm sure all her children will clean their plates without complaining. She is always happy and never complains. Her whole life is about serving others. Her husband is not expected to do anything except sit back in the recliner and watch ESPN. He works hard all day and deserves to rest. I remember a part of a conversation I heard when I was a child. A lady was talking about a friend she had who was going on a family camping trip. The friend always wore make up to bed and got up early to wash her face and put her make up back on. She never wanted her husband to see her without it and he never had up to that point. I never heard how the camping trip went. I've seen women apologize for admitting they struggle because they viewed it as complaining. I've known some women who are like that and I've tried to be like that myself, for an incredibly short amount of time and frankly they really annoy me. They are dripping with sweetness and I wonder if they're even real. We've all heard the expression that if everyone focuses on meeting the needs of others, everyone's needs will be met. That's a great thought, but incredibly unrealistic. I've tried to be the kind of woman I described and it left me feeling very tired and resentful. There was always something else I could clean and one more thing I could do with my kids or for my husband. No one likes to feel like they're doing all the work. I never asked for help, because I figured he would see I needed it and offer to help, but that didn't happen. My husband says he wouldn't want a wife like that. I think he's just saying that because he knows it will never happen with me. I'm sorry, but I'm not the type that is going to get dressed in a nice outfit to clean the daily puddle off the bathroom floor and be used as a human paper towel as my toddler constantly wipes his face and runny nose on my pants. I wonder if these women are really happy. What motivates them?  I wonder if that's what God really expects of us. Is it really Biblical?

I've read a few books about the Proverbs 31 woman. A lot of them talk about how women were created to help their husbands and how we are to serve our families. They contain many tips for house cleaning, organization and meals. I always found it interesting that Jesus told Mary  she had chosen the better part. Wasn't Martha being the ideal Proverbs 31 woman serving in the kitchen? I also think it's strange that she was allowed to buy and sell land and be a business woman because women weren't very respected back then. It seems like she had a lot of independence. Do you think the Proverbs 31 woman was a real person or just an idea of what the perfect woman would be like?  A book I recently read "My So Called Life as  Proverbs 31 Wife" proposed the question, "Did she accomplish all that she did at once or over a lifetime?" That was an interesting thought to me. Maybe before or after the children were grown she excelled at her business. Maybe it's a matter of doing something well in each season of life. I think we have to consider our motives. Are we doing all we can so that our  family thinks well of us, so they will rise up and call us blessed or that our husband will praise us among his friends? Maybe the verse about loving God first and loving others second is a clue. Maybe when we make God a priority everything else falls into place. I'm learning a lot about how we can't do all the right things on the outside and expect the inside to change.  Is it a horrible thing thing that my husband does all the grocery shopping and irons his own clothes? Is it wrong for me to ask him to help with the dishes or the kids? Maybe it's living in a way that displays the love of God. Does it mean we are to constantly serve and be doing something productive? I don't think so, because Jesus withdrew from the multitudes. Rest is something God created and should be enjoyed and sleep is healthy. Maybe He does expect us to be as perfect as the Proverbs 31 woman seems. Maybe He wants us to realize it's impossible and experience his grace. I physically can't handle getting up at 4 and staying up late to spend time with my husband. I can't afford to cook nice meals every night. Sometimes I get frustrated when the baby keeps crying for no reason and just won't stop. It does bother me when I spend the whole day cleaning the house only to have it completely destroyed 20 minutes before daddy comes home. Maybe God is showing us how weak we are. I love moments in my life that are like that. Moments that I try so hard and become extremely frustrated because I can't do it. Then among the frustration I smile. God knows I can't do it; He was just waiting for me to figure it out. Then I remember His grace and experience it in a whole new way and fall in love with Him even more.