Let's Raise a Glass to a Healthy New Year!

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

 I learned that, rather than a set of rules or things to avoid, worldliness is worshiping ourselves rather than God. If our only motivation for exercise is looking more attractive wouldn't that be worshiping ourselves? It's January and people think about exercise this month more than any other. Our motivation is usually loosing weight and looking better. However, when we look at exercise through the lens of the Bible our motivation turns more toward being a good steward and having a healthy lifestyle. Gluttony is mentioned in the Bible right along with drunkenness. The Bible equally condemns excessive drinking and overeating, but we seem to think drinking is so much worse. Why? Perhaps, in order to have a more accurate view of  the Bible we should be more permissive with drinking and restraining with eating.

Exercise is for everyone, not just the overweight, because we are all commanded to take care of our bodies. Just because a person is thin doesn't mean they're healthy. I teach my kids that exercise and eating right is about being healthy, not weight. I like to think of weight loss as a really great side effect of exercise and having a healthy lifestyle, not the main motivation, although the numbers do a lot for the purpose of encouragement. Why is a healthy lifestyle so low on our list of priorities? You don't have to do a lot, just start out with something small and be consistent. Once it becomes part of your day, add to it. Make goals that are challenging and realistic and tell people about your goals. Be accountable. If you don't have accountability, you really aren't that serious about it. That's one of the many reasons I like being a part of the Y. There is a lot of accountability and people that really want you to succeed. They're pulling for you, because they know how hard it is and they don't want you to fail.

There are so many benefits- physical, mental and spiritual. Running is my stress reliever. I find it so relaxing and peaceful. I usually listen to Christian music while I enjoy being alone. It's nice to just be able to think about things without interruption. I feel recharged after a run. Running makes me a better mom. I like to do pilates because it has really helped my posture. I try to go to zumba once a week. Zumba was a big accomplishment for me because it took nearly two years of looking in the window, wishing I had enough courage to walk in the door before I actually did. It looked like so much fun and I always wanted to learn how to dance, but it was so far out of my comfort zone and I didn't know if I could make myself do it. Zumba has helped me come out of my shell and has been very good for me. I wish I wouldn't have waited so long!

Make a decision to live a healthier life, not for your glory by looking better, but for God's glory by being a good steward of the body He gave you. Grab an accountability partner and get out there and do something!


"Whether therefore you eat or drink or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God." - 1Corinthians 10:31

Reflecting on 2011

2011 was suppose to be the year of big changes for the Snyder family. Jason was pursuing a higher position at work and we put our house on the market, planning to buy  a bigger house closer to the Y. God had other plans, instead it became the year of car trouble and sickness. I'm so glad God is in control! I broke down several times in my old van, always in very convenient places and for that I am thankful. Jason had pneumonia, it was so cold and icy, and I had to do things far out of my comfort zone just to get by. Each day was a struggle. Some days when I successfully made it to work or home, the kids would clap and cheer and say, "Yea, We made it!" One day on my way home from work I broke down at CVS and the van had to be towed. Since Jason was sick and unable to work, I drove Jason's car to work the next day and broke down in that! So, Jason was sick and both of our cars we in the shop. We were so dependent on others for our basic needs. We had to figure out how to get Faith to and from school, and Jason had to find rides to and from work. One night we had to rely on our friends to bring us toilet paper and baby wipes! It was humbling to be so helpless, but we were grateful for each person who helped us. We knew we needed to replace both the car and the van, but we could only afford to replace one. Of course, as soon as one was replaced, the other broke down again. Within two weeks we sold and purchased two vehicles. I don't know how God was able to work that out but somehow we had enough money and didn't have to go into debt. We took our house off the market because our savings account was gone and there really was no interest in the house. We are very thankful now that we didn't move this year.

Cailen was the next to get sick. He was struggling a lot to breathe. He had something that sounded like broncitus and had to have breathing treatments every two hours day and night. It was painful to watch our little baby boy struggle so much to breathe, but he was so content and peaceful. It was as if he submitted to being sick instead of fighting it.We are thankful that he didn't need oxygen or hospitalization. The doctor told us he would probably get sick a lot in the winter months and develop asthma.  We're thankful that he has been healthy since then.

I got what appeared to be a cold in February, and has yet to go away. A stuffy nose doesn't seem like a big deal, but I find it very difficult to sleep most nights. The nights when I can breathe well feel so strange. It's incredibly relaxing to just lie there and enjoy breathing. Those nights I thank God just for the ability to breath easily.

Those were the beginning months of 2011. We really wanted a do over at this point.

Faith continues to do well in school, making straight A's. I'm glad she's doing well, but I can't say I'm proud of her accomplishment. Her grades are not a result of any effort on her part. She rushes through her homework and never studies at home for her tests. She learns her Sunday School verses on her way to church. I didn't even know she had verses to memorize until a couple months ago. I just knew she always brought home candy, which she usually shares with her brother and sister. I'm constantly reminding her that God is the one who made her smart. I want it to get into her head, that her abilities are a gift from God and he gave them to her for a reason. I'm thankful she doesn't struggle through school like I did. I often did homework until I went to bed and was grateful, at times just for a passing grade. Life seems so easy for some and so difficult for others. We need to be careful not to compare. We all have unique gifts and circumstances designed just for us, for our good and the good of those around us.

Brady got to go to Sunshine camp all summer at the Y while I worked. What a blessing! It was hard to get him to stay the first couple of weeks, but by the end of the summer he loved going. He had so much fun and it was a very good experience for him. He still talks about it. I feel a lot better about sending him to school now and I think he's more excited to go too.

We were able to go to the beach for a couple days with Faith and Brady. It was so nice spending quality time with our older kids. We all had such a fun time.

Kasey thinks she's Candice from Phineas and Pherb. Ironically, she's the one always getting busted by her brother.

I think the word commotion would describe our life at home right now. Some days are just about keeping everyone alive and not loosing my temper.  It's so loud and active and sometimes I just want everything to be still and quiet. That's why I enjoy 5:30-6:45 every morning and the long runs with my i pod during the week. The biggest thing we changed this year is the music we listen to. I'm so in love with this music that completely satisfies me and leaves me feeling neither bored nor guilty. My perspectives on some things have changed for the better, a few acquaintances have become unexpected friends, and  encouragement has come from unlikely sources. There have been a couple of key influential people in my life this year and I'm thankful when thoughts of them come to mind. I'm a different person now than I was at the beginning of the year, but more myself. I'm thankful for what God has been doing in Jason's life. He seems much happier and more content. This is an answer to specific prayers of mine. We feel that we are in a waiting, growing time in our lives right now. It's not very exciting, but it's comfortable. We feel entirely thankful and content. So, in a way 2011 was a year of big changes even though not much has changed.

P.S. I did keep my New Year's Resolution. No new Snyder's in 2011!

Reflections From The Mud Puddle

As I was running this morning I noticed a big puddle on the ground. It looked so pure and pristine reflecting the clouds and the sunshine, but then when I got closer and looked past the reflection I noticed it was just an ugly, ordinary, unimportant mud puddle. I'm a lot like that mud puddle. There is no good in me apart from Christ, and even the good that I do is motivated by ugly motives more often than I would care to admit. The mud puddle by itself is contaminated and unsightly, but it's transformed to heights of beauty and glory when it becomes a reflection. People shouldn't see me when they look at me; they should see Someone greater. I should be a reflection of the beauty of Christ the way the mud puddle was a reflection of the beauty of the sky.

"For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out."- Romans 7:18

"In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven."- Matthew 5:16

I Don't Think This is For Me-Accountability

 "When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else."-David Brin

Accountability is necessary if a person is really serious about success. I always encouraged other people to do it, but just couldn't bring myself to give it a try. It was pride preventing me from doing something that was good for me once again. There was something I wanted to give up for a set amount of time. Without any accountability, I was able to go a week, maybe two. I knew I wasn't serious about succeeding if I kept myself from being accountable to someone. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I just couldn't force myself do it. I wanted to keep it to myself and do it on my own which repeatedly proved itself unsuccessful. I thought accountability would feel binding and oppressive, like someone was always looking over my shoulder and judging me. Unfortunately Christians can be very judgmental. If I hear Christians talking about others, (saved or unsaved) in a condescending way instead of showing them grace and love in their speech, I'm not going to open up to them about my personal struggles. I finally decided to humble myself and ask a friend to keep me accountable. Then I asked another friend in case the first friend forgot. Honestly, it was painful to admit to them that I struggled in this particular area, but it was liberating at the same time. I was finally being honest with myself, God and and two Christian friends. There is always a freedom that comes with truthfulness. So far it's been six weeks and I have six more to go to reach my goal. I'm actually finding it much easier this time because of the accountability. I  never know when one of them is going to check in with me. This is actually an encouragement to me, not the burden I expected it to be. I have been surprised to find security and safety in accountability. Like many things I've done, I wonder why it took me so long to try it. If you are struggling and looking for someone to be accountable to, remember that everyone struggles with something. No one is as perfect as they seem. We should all live lives of integrity so others feel like they can come to us without being looked down upon.

"Accountability is a blanket of security. Without it we can more easily go astray."-Erwin Lutzer

Taking Care of Number One

Love your neighbor as yourself and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I've been thinking about this over the last couple of weeks. It doesn't mean I have to like everything about everyone, because I don't like things about myself. It doesn't mean that I should constantly complement and agree with everyone just to make them feel good, because that's not love; that's insincere flattery. I had a friend in high school who often said, "Do you want me to make you feel good, or tell you the truth?" Of course, either way you chose you knew what the truth was. She was a good friend and still is. It doesn't mean that I should turn into a different person depending on who I'm with. I have a couple friends who are completely themselves around me and I love that! I wonder if some people are so afraid of offending the weaker brother that they come across as being very guarded and not genuine.

"A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself."

Love is to place others before myself. Putting their interest above my own. That doesn't mean to pretend to care about things that don't interest me. It means the other person's interests become important to me because they're important to them. That can mean turning off the TV to read a story to one of my kids. Or, it can mean doing the right thing in a difficult circumstance even if someone gets hurt. Sometimes people get angry when you protect them. My son gets angry with me when I slap his hand to keep his little fingers out of the electrical outlet. Sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone for the good of others. I know quite a few foster families. Sometimes I take care of foster kids at work. What a hard situation, but such a good example of putting someone's needs before your own. Even though some of these kids are in bad environments, they still love their parents and their parents still love them. It would be very unloving to turn your head to abuse and look the other way.

If God can love people just the way they are, shouldn't I? Love is applying 1 Corinthians 13 to all the people in my life. Wow, that's a tough one.  I need to be happy for people when blessings come into their lives and wish good things for them even it it's not fair and I don't think they deserve it. Love gives. I should give my time and money to meet my neighbor's needs (Although,make sure the need is a need. I learned that the hard way.) I should actively listen by capturing my thoughts and focusing my attention when someone speaks.  We are never more like Christ when we are serving others. However, even Jesus withdrew from the multitudes. I think He completely understands why moms have to periodically lock themselves in the bathroom throughout the day. Rest is also a gift and a blessing.  If everyone loved each other this way, everyone's needs would be met, and everyone would be happy, right? It's pretty unlikely to happen that way. Chances are someone will love and give and serve others with very little in return from the other person. Then what? We have two choices. We can focus on ourselves and become resentful. We can feel sorry for ourselves and think about how we deserve so much more. We can decide to take care of ourselves because if we don't, no one else will. After all, we have to protect ourselves from being taken advantage of and used. Other people are so ungrateful and not worth our time. Or we can focus on Christ.  We can think about the Gospel. That always puts things into perspective. I don't think God expects us to give everything we have and live in poverty or to serve others to the point of exhaustion and neglect of our health and family. I don't think too many people struggle with that though. He does promise to give us wisdom.

"For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."-1 John 4:20-21

"You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Matt. 22:39

"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them." Luke 6:27-31


"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

I will never understand the depth of my sin, the love I have for myself, or the love God has for me.

Made for a Another World

 "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." C.S. Lewis - This is my favorite quote by Lewis, and I don't think I'll ever get tired of reading it and thinking about his words.

One desire this world can't satisfy is the desire to love and be loved. We want someone to choose to love us sacrificially, unconditionally and eternally. This perfect love can only be fulfilled in Christ. Each of us desires to be in a loving relationship that never ends, but love always ends. Death was not part of God's original plan, that's why it hurts so much. It goes against the nature of the world for which we were created.

Another desire this world can't satisfy is the desire to live life with meaning. I think that's why so many are searching for the meaning of life apart from Christ and can't find it. God didn't create us to find satisfaction in this world, because we were created for so much more. We live in a sin cursed world, as a result we experience great pain and disappointment. We have an inward desire to live a life with purpose. Life doesn't make sense if not viewed with an eternal perspective. If there is no eternity, there is no purpose in anything we do or suffer. Life is empty without Christ. Life becomes meaningless when we loose our heavenly perspective and fail to trust the sovereignty of God.

Some day God will come back and make everything right again. It's as if there is something in our souls that makes us long for Heaven, even though we've never been there. It's kind of like remembering something backwards, if that's even possible. We're homesick for a home to which we've never been.

"What profit has the worker from that in which he labors? I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from the beginning to end. I  know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor- it is the gift of God. " Ecc. 3:9-13

We won't find satisfaction in our jobs apart from God. When our job becomes just a way to make more money to buy more things, there is emptiness. Our jobs are fulfilling when we view them with a heavenly perspective. I love the phrase, "He has made everything beautiful in its time".  It reminds me of creation when He stepped back, looked at His work and admired it's goodness. There is beauty in everything He made. "He has put eternity in their hearts", He created us for an eternal purpose. When we live for the temporary we go against our very nature. He doesn't intend for us to find complete satisfaction in these earthly things, but He does want us to enjoy them and consider them as His gifts to us. He is so gracious to us to give us joy even in our sinful state.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Then He who sat on the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And He said to me, Write, for these words are true and faithful." Rev. 21:4-5

That Was Intentional

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

Genesis is one of my favorite books of the Bible for many reasons. One reason is the creation story. "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth."  I like looking at the sky because it reminds me of God's unfathomable power. The sky makes me think about the dramatic moment He created the universe. Sometimes I look at something really simple and start thinking about how complex it is. God put so much thought and creativity into everything He made. He intentionally designed everything for a specific purpose. He put even more thought into creating me. He imagined me and then created me, like he did everything else, and He loves me more than I could ever understand. Sometimes I live as if I were created without purpose. I forget that I was created intentionally like the rest of creation. He gave me my personality, talents and abilities for a reason. The things I enjoy, my hobbies and interests even my oddities;  all the things that make me, me were intentional. The things that I love; the way that I love were all part of His design. He put so much thought into each one of us to equip us to do the good works that He also prepared for us. He gave each of us us creativity to express in different ways. Isn't it amazing how He has a unique relationship with each of us? I love to think about how the all-powerful God who created the universe was the same God in human form who sat around with Mary, Martha and Lazarus talking and laughing in their home. Can you imagine knowing Him in that way! I wonder if they realized how special it was for them to be alive at that time, in that place. It humbles me to look up into the sky and think about the personal attention He gives me and the grace He shows me every day in the midst of my pride and selfishness. This is something I like to think about often and I hope I never get over it. I think when I finally see Him face to face there will be something so familiar about Him. It will be perfect love completely fulfilled.

"She knew she was formed by His hands, dreamed up in His heart, and placed in this world for a purpose."

How long, O Lord?

"How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?" Psalm 13:1

I'm going through a time of spiritual discouragement. I was expecting it, but since I don't know the source, I cant fight it. I asked someone to pray for me, which was actually a really difficult thing for me to do. Pride often keeps me from doing things that are good for me. I would much rather suffer in silence than ask for help. I'm the same way when I'm sick. I'll have a headache for days before I finally take something for it. I just feel like God is far away. I've lost my enthusiasm and my inspiration. I see evidence of Him all around me, but I've lost something in the closeness of my relationship with Him and I don't know how to get it back. I didn't know what else to do, so I asked someone to pray. I just have to push through it. Keep reading, keep praying. I don't feel like writing anymore and I don't have a desire to share the things on my heart.

"And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

I feel closest to God when I'm running,so I ran. I ran for nearly two hours. I guess this was my way of wrestling with God. I ran and fought back the tears as He revealed the root of my problem to me and brought verses to my mind so I could fight the discouragement. The negative and apathetic attitudes of some Christians towards Christianity was getting to me. Some seem enthusiastic about everything except spiritual things. Some hold on to bitterness and are not loving or forgiving, always sarcastic and complaining. These are not fruits of the spirit. Aren't Christians suppose to be joyful, forgiving and loving toward others? Shouldn't they be happy that they are Christians? It almost seems that they are trying to hide it. I was allowing these seeds to be sown in my heart. It was quenching the spirit. It was starting to take away my joy. I was starting to feel ashamed of the Gospel. That was the first two miles of my run. Now that I knew the root of the problem I could start preaching the Gospel to myself.And that's what I did.

"Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10 and, "These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full." John 15:11 ( I just love the book of John) My joy should not depend on the joy of other Christians; my joy comes from the Lord.

"For I am not be ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to everyone who believes." Romans 1:16 How can I keep silent about all that God does for me! " Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35  I need to show others the grace that I have been shown. I need to love people that are really hard to love, after all, God loves even me. I don't want to quench the spirit in a fellow believer's life by having a negative attitude. I don't want to be someone who turns others off to Christianity or causes them to loose the joy of their salvation.

I was sitting in car line today listening to "You are God Alone" and watching the clouds move across the sky. I started thinking about how the God who created all things was also the God who came to die and the God who has a personal relationship with me and the God who is with me when I run. I was very moved by that thought in that moment. I don't know if other Christians have random thoughts like this, because, like discouragement, it's just not something we talk about. Why is that?

Psalm 9:1-2 "I will praise You, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will tell of all Your marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High."

Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him."

Inspiring Courage

 "There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the light that reflects it."

The American Heritage Dictionary defines the word encourage - "to inspire with hope, courage or confidence." To be an encouragement is to inspire courage! We can inspire courage in the lives of the people around us. Courage to do something they never thought they could, courage to be themselves, courage to speak up, or perform acts of kindness.

Sometimes everything is going well and one person says the wrong thing and somehow it erases all the good. It can go the other way too. Sometimes everything is going wrong and one person says the right thing and it somehow erases all the bad. Proverbs 15:23 says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.", and Proverbs 25:11 says, " to make an apt answer is joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!" We just don't know what is going on in the lives of those we have contact with every day. We don't know how much someone might need that little word of encouragement. To be able to say just the right thing at just the right time to just the right person is of great value.

I ran a 5K last weekend with a friend. It was her first race and it was an amazing experience for her. But it was an amazing experience for me too! I've done races before but this was the best one I've ever done, because this time, it wasn't about me. She started running in the summer. The most difficult time to run even for experienced runners. I wanted her to succeed. I wanted her to get to that point where it becomes more than just weight loss because running is so much more than exercise and I wanted her to experience that. The discipline a person learns while running carries over into other parts of their lives. I was privileged to run with her a few times in the beginning. She struggled, but got through it. I was proud of her, but also worried that she would quit. Too many people get really excited about exercising and getting healthier and then they loose their enthusiasm when they realize how difficult it is. I prayed for her often. I knew if she could just stick with the running schedule she would be able to run a 5K in a couple months. Back in July I began to envision how amazing it would be for her to successfully run a race and cross that finish line. I wanted to be with her when she did it. I believed she could do it far before she did. Imagining that day motivated me to encourage and pray for her more because I wanted her to have that experience. Early in her training, she went away for a couple of weeks. I was really concerned she would loose her momentum when she got back. I knew it was hard for her, but she got right back to it. Philippians 4:13 says," I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." God gives us strength to accomplish His will. We know that God wants us to live healthy lives, therefore He will give us what we need to be able to do that. I'm thankful God chose to use me as a tool because it brought me joy to be apart of what God was doing in her life. He could have picked anyone, but He picked me! I believe God created me to be an encouragement. We have the greatest satisfaction when we do what we are created to do. I didn't give up anything to run with her. I don't think I sacrificed a single thing. I'm thankful she let me run with her because I had been dreaming of that moment longer than she had! It isn't about her accomplishment or my encouragement. It's about the beauty of God using Christians to help other Christians live a more Godly life. To God be the glory! The 5K I ran in 43 minutes will always be more memorable than the one I ran in 26 minutes, because I was a part of something greater than myself.

Encouragers need encouragement too. There are things I wouldn't be able to do if there wasn't someone encouraging me. Sometimes Satan tells us lies to prevent us from being productive Christians and we need someone reminding us of the truth. When I get discouraged, I don't need kind words from a lot of people, just one- if it's the right one. The encouragers in my life have given me courage and confidence to be the person God created me to be. I consider these friends as gifts from God and I cherish them. We all doubt ourselves and God, at times and need encouragement. Be a person who inspires courage. Be that one person someone needs!

"The truly successful people are those who help others succeed."-Chapman

Changing Views on Idolatry

    When I was a kid idolatry was praying to statues. I didn't understand how that was applicable to me, because that was only something people in other countries did. I figured I was good on this one. It was just not something I struggled with.

     When I was a teen, I understood it to mean loving anything more than God. So, if I spent my time watching tv instead of reading my Bible, was that idolatry? I was confused. I felt like if I chose to do anything other than read my Bible, pray, or go to church, I was choosing something other than God and It was idolatry. It didn't seem right. I was worried about loving people too much or enjoying things or abilities too much because I was afraid God would take those things or people away. I always heard about how God is a jealous God.

    When I was reading Lutzer's book I came across this quote, "A person who will not get beyond his bitterness is actually an idolater...What would it take for you to turn away from God?...Could it be that insisting on immediate justice for an offense means more to you than fellowship with God?" Choosing not to forgive is idolatry because it's putting something before your relationship with God. The book was about forgiveness, but this quote about idolatry was eye opening for me. It was not necessarily the intensity of my love or enjoyment of things; it was about putting something above my relationship with God. So, it's good to love people and enjoy things as long as it doesn't hurt my relationship with God. If I'm tempted to overindulge in something and I give in, I'm putting that thing above being right with God. If I have a good friendship with someone and it becomes unhealthy and I continue with it, it's idolatry because it hurts my relationship with God. I started out thinking that I didn't struggle with idolatry at all and I'm finding out that I deal with it daily. God wants us to love and be attached to people and He wants us to enjoy and appreciate our things and abilities.

"Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches but in the living God, who gives us all things to enjoy." 1 Timothy 6:17

Spear Throwers

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."


     I just finished reading, "When You've Been Wronged" by Erwin Lutzer. The author wrote about a group of people he referred to as spear throwers. I've encountered many of these people in my life. We know we should ask for forgiveness and we know we should forgive those who ask us, but what about the people that hurt us and don't acknowledge they did any wrong. How can we forgive them? That's what I struggled with for years. I would take responsibility for the wrong I did, but they would respond with " I accept your apology" (which is far easier to say than I forgive you) or "I'm sorry you were hurt by what I did or said, but...". (Not exactly an apology) So how do you move on? I was trying to forgive, but the relationship was not restored and the other person would not admit any wrong doing. So I would let go of the anger the best I could and continue the relationship as if nothing had happened only to be hurt again and continue the cycle. The only way to have a good relationship with spear throwers is for you to take all the blame and do everything on their terms. So I have distanced my self from some of the people in my life because I know there will never be complete reconciliation. That doesn't mean I stay angry and avoid them. It means there will probably never be a real friendship unless they humble themselves and ask for forgiveness which I should always be ready to give. It means I show kindness to them when I do see them and it means I'm happy for them when good things come into their life.

     A person can't restore a relationship with a spear thrower because "They are not bound by fairness, truthfulness, decency, or respect. You can't reason with them, you can't meet them on a level playing field."  Lutzer says it's ok to set up boundaries for people that continually sow discord in your life. Sometimes it's hard for me to differentiate between setting up healthy boundaries and trying to avoid the person because I haven't completely forgiven them. For me, the test of true forgiveness is how I react to hearing news about them. Am I happy when something good happens to them or do I think they don't deserve it? When I hear that they are struggling with their marriage, do I secretly smile or do I pray for them? Pray that I will have wisdom to know how much distance there needs to be and that I will learn what God wants to teach me through their lives.

"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."

A Blessing Or A Lesson

"God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and make you the person you were meant to be."

   I read this quote a couple weeks ago and I've been thinking about the different types of people God has graciously put into my life. I had the most wonderful room mates my first year of college. I had a really hard time being so far from home and being in a new place that I had only visited once. It was very overwhelming. The senior took time to walk around campus with me just so I could get familiar with my new surroundings. It meant so much to me that she did that. I'm sure there were many other things she would rather have been doing. The sophomore is now my sister in law and the freshman was so much fun and such a good friend for me. They were exceptional roommates and the perfect people for me to live with at that time. I didn't know how good I had it. They taught me to accept people just the way they are and how much it can mean to a person to just give them a little of your time. They were all blessings to me.
     My last year of college I was in was in the hall leaders room. (The previous year, I accumulated 130 demerits, 20 away from being expelled. I was obviously a troubled kid who needed some extra guidance.) On the way to my last exam on the last day of my college career, she insisted on walking with me. It was a 10 minute walk; a very long 10 minute walk. She asked me to forgive her for not giving me more demerits. I guess she felt like she let me down somehow and needed to clear her conscience. I learned from her that sometimes there are more important things than being right. No good would have come out of me arguing with her. I knew I would probably never see her again and was not returning to school. Instead I just quietly listened to her and forgave her. It's hard to ask someone for forgiveness and I'm sure she thought she was doing the right thing. Looking back, I feel sorry for her. She taught me that it's more important to have a right relationship with someone than to win an argument. That's a very important lesson to learn. This person was a lesson for me.

"Some people come into your life as blessings and others come into your life as lessons." I hope I haven't been a lesson to too many people, not doubt there have been some, probably more than I would care to know.

Superstition vs Prayer

 Superstition is believing that the outcome of a certain event is influenced by faith in one's action. What is prayer then? Prayer is communicating with God. It is having faith that God, rather than one's action will influence a certain event in a way that fulfills His will. It is asking God to do what's best. Prayer is when we humble ourselves and ask God to do His will rather than our own.

  I'm much better than I was, but I have a real fear of driving. I am quite comfortable driving to familiar places, but I'm usually too afraid to venture out of my comfort zone. When I was first married, I didn't drive at all.  It was a paralyzing, talk-show worthy kind of fear.  I got in the habit of praying for safety every time I got into the car to drive. I became convinced that if I didn't pray I was sure to get into a car accident. Some of you reading this will probably see this as classic OCD, but I see it as trying to be in control. I took a good thing and turned it into a compulsive superstitious ritual. I think this is just another example of trying to earn God's love. If I pray, God will love me and keep me safe; if I forget, He turns His back on me and I'm on my own. I was not praying out of love for God and I was trusting my prayer instead of God. I was praying very selfishly. It became wrong on so many levels. That's what Satan likes to do. Very subtly take something good in our lives and turn it into something bad. There is nothing I can do or not do to make God love me any more or any less. Once I realized what I was doing I was able to let go of it and trust God. Is it even biblical to pray for safety? Maybe God doesn't want me to be safe. Maybe He wants me to break down on the side of the road or get into an accident. We do learn a lot more when things don't go as planned. Isaiah 45:7 "I form the light and create darkness, I make the well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord who does all these things." God doesn't create moral evil, but He creates calamity. A calamity defined by the Websters dictionary is "A state of deep distress or misery caused by major misfortune or loss. A disastrous event marked by great loss and lasting distress and suffering."  Sometimes it is God's will for us to go through calamity. Sometimes God wants bad things to happen to good people. Now I pray that I will pay attention and have good judgment and not be distracted. I pray for confidence and wisdom and the ability to think clearly if something does happen. It's more biblical to pray that God's will be done and that I will respond in a way that glorifies Him and that I learn what He wants me to learn.

"The value of consistent prayer is not that He will hear us, but that we will hear Him."-William McGill

Random Thoughts About Forgiveness

 Ephesians 5:31-32 "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

What is involved in forgiveness? How have I sinned against God? Does the Bible say if I don't forgive others I loose my salvation? Do we have to forgive people that have done horrible things?

What is involved in forgiveness?
      Forgiveness is not forgetting and it's not always foregoing justice. It's holding nothing against the person who has wronged you. It it letting go of the anger and resentment you have towards them and restoring the relationship if it's possible.

How have I sinned against God?
     James 2:10 "For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point is guilty of all. "If there was a small amount of poison in a glass of water, it would still be contaminated. If we break any of the law we sin against God. God knows it's impossible for us to keep the law no matter how hard we try. The purpose if it is to reveal to us our sinfulness and show us how much we need Christ.  Psalm 51:4 is a prayer of David to God about his repentance from sinning against Uriah and Bathsheba. "Against you, you only have I sinned, and done this evil in your sight." Joseph didn't sin with Potifer's wife because he couldn't sin against God. We do sin against others, but the greatest offense is against God.

Does the Bible say that if we don't forgive someone God will not forgive us and we will loose our salvation?
     Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will you Father forgive your trespasses." This verse isn't talking about loosing your salvation if you don't forgive someone. There are two types of forgiveness. The first is when Jesus died on the cross. He provided the justification that takes place immediately the moment of salvation. He forgave us of all our sins, past, present, and future. He casts them as far as the east is from the west. He looks at us through the righteousness of His son. No one can pluck us out of His hand. This verse is talking about the other type of forgiveness. If our children sin against us they are still our children. Nothing can change that. But the intimacy of our fellowship with them is broken and isn't restored until we forgive them. When we sin against God our intimacy with Him is broken until we repent and He forgives us. If I'm holding bitterness in my heart toward someone, my relationship with that person and my relationship with God need to be restored through forgiveness.

Do we have to forgive people that do really horrible things?
     God commands us to love others as ourselves.(Matt. 22:37-40) Yes, I do think God wants us to forgive others for horrible things done against us. I also think that is a really hard thing to do, but God will give us the grace to do it. I know when I'm struggling with forgiving someone my relationship with God is not what it should be.  Jesus lived a perfect life, He did a lot of good for others, He forgave those who murdered Him, and he forgave me. It's all about grace and understanding our own sinfulness and how much we were forgiven.

Romans 5:7-9 "For scarcely for a righteous man will one die, yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him."

""We must be willing to endure and love the damaged and damaging personalities who make us suffer."-Chapell
"The understanding that our deepest knowing of the One who bore the cross for us in some measure depends on our own cross bearing of the miseries of this world and even of the miserableness of others."-Luther

Really, Dr. Bob?

     "It's a sin to do less than your best" and "Abstain from all appearance of evil". These are things I heard a lot growing up. These things caused me to feel constant guilt and took away all my freedom. I'm not bitter about my past, I'm just really excited about what I'm learning now!

     "It is a sin to do less than your best." When I was a kid, I actually thought this was a Bible verse, but it's just something Dr. Bob said a long time ago. I always associated it with 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Whether therefore you eat or drink or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God." and Ecclesiastes 9:10 "Whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might."  There is a difference between doing my best and doing something for God's glory. Doing something for God's glory is considering Him in everything I do and keeping Him always in my thoughts. God knows my limits and that I can't do my best in every area of my life all the time, but He does expect me to give Him glory in everything I do. God does not want me to do my best at cleaning my house when I need to take care of a sick child. I don't think I'm sinning by doing less than my best at cleaning my house in this situation, but I do think I am glorifying God with my actions. I use to think Ecclesiastes 9:10 meant that Christians should do everything to the best of their ability. But now I think this verse means we should enjoy life and good health while we have it. Live in the moment. Give it all you've got, because life will soon be over.  I know I've mentioned this before, but I use to feel guilty if I didn't take the time to perfectly fold the laundry, because of this verse and because if I didn't do my best it was sin. I felt like I had to keep my house perfectly clean all the time and play with the kids all the time and spend time with my husband all the time. It was really frustrating trying to do something impossible thinking I was sinning when I couldn't do my best in every area of my life. Whenever I heard this verse quoted (whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might) I got the impression that it was suppose to motivate me to do my best at everything, but trying to live up to this expectation led to constant guilt and feelings that I was letting God down. And now I find out it doesn't even mean what I thought it did!

     "Abstain from all appearance of evil" is 1 Thessalonians 5:22 in the KJV. It's actually quite different in the ESV "Abstain from any form of evil." I think this verse is often misinterpreted in fundamental churches.  I use to think that this meant that I shouldn't do anything that could be perceived as evil to anyone else, but if I can't do anything that appears evil to anyone else I give up all my freedom and live in slavery.  I give up all my Christian liberty and live by everyone's convictions because I can't do anything that might seem bad to anyone else. This is not a very fun way to live. I was constantly worrying about what other people were thinking. If I did something really bad like rent a movie, I worried that someone might see me. The verse actually says to stay away from evil in whatever form it appears. To avoid all things that are clearly sin, is more consistent with other Scripture.

     I actually find it very exciting learning the meaning of these familiar verses in the right context. Christianity isn't as bad as I thought it was ;)

It's All a Bunch of Lies

     Sometimes we hear a lie so much that we start to believe it's true. I think Satan wants us to believe lies about ourselves so that we become ineffective for ministry. Maybe something someone told us a long time ago that we've never been able to shake off, or a truth about ourselves that we think will never change. Some of the lies I struggle with are, "I don't have value, and no one really cares they're just being nice". I have two choices, I can either counter these lies with the truth or dwell on them until I believe them and become withdrawn and useless. God should be the one who determines my worth; not other people. 1 peter 2:4 "Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected by men, but in the sight of God chosen and precious." Jesus' worth was not determined by what people thought of him. It was God that gave him value. He was chosen and precious. John 15:9 says "As the Father loved me, I also have loved you." I am valued and loved more than I will ever understand. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Matthew10:29-31 "Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." I love these verses because Jesus is like a father explaining something to his children and I always imagine Him smiling as he says, "Don't worry, you're worth more to me than a bird." That verse makes me smile and love Him more. The problem isn't that I don't think enough of myself, but that I don't think enough of God. Another of my favorite passages of Scripture is Romans 5:7-9 " For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrated His own love toward us, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.(I hate it when people only quote verse 8) My focus should be on Him, not what other people think or trying to gain approval. If our purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, we can't do that if we focus on ourselves and the lies. I need to understand and accept God's love and and purpose for my life and let His love come out in me. If only I could comprehend the depth of God's love!

     There's a  song called The Voice of Truth. It was what inspired me to write this post. The song talks about not listening to the voice that tells us that we have failed in the past and will never amount to anything, but to listen to the voice that is telling us to have faith and courage to trust God instead. We need to identify the lies we believe and fight against them with the voice of truth.

Slow Down

     I don't like to be busy. In fact, if I have a really busy day or week I get frustrated. I haven't decided yet if this a good quality or not. I have things to do, but I am not a busy person. I don't care if I get stopped at a red light and I'm not annoyed when we catch the train, in fact, I'm excited the kids get to see it and that I have more time to listen to music in my van. I'm usually early to everything and in no hurry to get to places and appointments. Sometimes I feel guilty that I enjoy so many moments during the week. It seems like a lot of us are just too busy trying to get to the weekends that we don't enjoy anything in between. I know sometimes that can't be helped, and some of  us don't have the option of slowing down. There's nothing wrong with saying no or putting something off for a better time. Just because I can fit in one more thing doesn't mean I should and if I try to take on too much something always suffers. I think this could be a bad quality because I hesitate to get involved in activities and the kids don't play sports, because I don't want to be on the go all the time. I want to savor the experiences of each day. I'm sure some can be incredibly busy and still find quiet moments to enjoy. I am not one of those people.

    When I run I want to give it 100% physically and mentally. I don't want to look at the time and say, "ok, I have 35 min. then I have to stop so I can have time to get to the next thing", and then be so distracted by the other activities that I don't enjoy the time spent running. When I was running last fall, there was a beautiful red leaf that had fallen perfectly to the side of the running trail. It looked like it was on display for anyone who was observant enough to notice. It was there for a couple weeks untouched and unmoved. I wondered if God put it there just for me to appreciate every time I ran past it and point me to Him once again. Slow down,enjoy life, be more observant. Last week when I was running I saw one of my friends sitting outside enjoying some coffee and a good book. When we get too busy for those moments we are missing out on something really important. It's good to accomplish things but there is more to life than accomplishment; there's life. There must be balance.

    While working on this blog I was offered a really great job opportunity. Five years from now I would have considered it, but now is just not the right time. I was taken aback that they even thought of me for the position. It would have been challenging and exciting, but I just don't want the hours and responsibility right now. I think I have a good balance between work and and play,being gone and being home. I'm really happy with the way things are in my life right now, why mess with that?

"I don't believe that good work is ever done in a hurry." C.S. Lewis

When Pride Keeps Us From Hearing

  Mark 4:9- And He said to them, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear!"


  So... if a tree fell in the forest, and no one was around to hear it, would it make a sound?  I say, no, it would not produce sound; it would produce sound waves. There would have to be someone present with ears for the sound waves to be received as sound. I think sometimes I listen like someone without ears. I let the sound waves pass by me and remain unaffected by them. I think pride is what is ultimately keeping me from hearing.

  I feel like I'm just beginning to understand grace. He's been telling me for years in His still, small voice, but I didn't really hear Him. I say "just beginning to understand", because if I fully understood I would love my neighbor as myself and I know I don't. It's easy for me to spend money on myself for something I want, but very difficult to take that same money and give it to someone else instead. I give money that I have set aside to give, but parting with a loved possession or with money that I was planning to spend on myself or my family in order to meet someone's needs it quite different. I know He's trying to talk to me, but I have to put off my pride so I can put on my ears otherwise I can't hear Him. God talks to us in many ways, through the Bible, preaching, strong Christian friends, music, nature, the Holy Spirit. Am I really hearing Him, or am I just letting the sound waves pass me by?  Is my pride preventing me from using my ears to hear the still, small voice of God? Maybe I'm afraid to hear Him, because I don't want to give up something I love, or maybe I'm avoiding Him so I can remain ignorant.

1 Kings 19:11-12 Then He said, "Go out and stand on the mountain before the Lord." And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

Out of My Tower...Finally

   I grew up in a small town of farmers and factory workers and lived a very sheltered life, as you can imagine if you've been reading my blog. Within the last few years I learned that there were a lot of things that I thought were sin that are not clearly sin in the Bible. At first I felt like Rapunzel in Tangled," I can't believe I did this! This is so fun! I, am a horrible daughter. I'm going back. I am never going back! I am a despicable human being. Woo-hoo! Best. Day. Ever!" That part of the movie always makes me smile.  I learned that the real world wasn't as scary as I thought it would be and there were actually some pretty nice people out there. There are some wonderful things that I can enjoy now with a clear conscience. I'm glad my generation is not satisfied doing things just because it's what we were taught growing up or because it's what we've always done. I'm glad we're beginning to think for ourselves and go to the Bible for our answers. It's wrong to base our convictions on our own preferences, and equally wrong to base them on another person's convictions. I know it scares some people that we're questioning things but I think its great and I'm excited about it! Thinking, asking questions and searching Scripture are all very good things. I think doubt can even be good if it leads to searching something out and wrestling with the topic. Maybe sometimes we shouldn't be content.

   I try to apply this to my parenting. I tell Faith she needs to be kind to her brothers and sister because the Bible says we need to be kind to each other. (Eph. 4:32) I don't want her motivation to be because I want her to be kind or even because it's the right thing to do. I want her to understand why it's the right thing to do. I want to teach her to go to the Bible for her answers whenever possible. The Bible is our ultimate authority. The only reason I have authority over her is because of Ephesians 6:1, not because grown ups know everything and are always right. We talk a lot about Romans 3:23 too. She knows that all means all. I don't want my kids growing up, believing something is right or wrong because that's what they were taught and never question it. I don't want to tell them something is wrong if I don't have a good reason. They challenge me to figure out what I believe and why, but shouldn't we do that anyway? I need to be ready to give an answer to any one who asks even if it's a seven year old.

 

Ones Closest to Me

   One of the reasons I married Jason was because I saw how great he was with kids and I knew he would make a good dad some day. He spends one on one time with our kids even if it's a simple thing like getting the oil changed or buying groceries. Sometimes he takes them out for a treat or has lunch with Faith at school. When he disciplines them he spends a lot of time talking to them even if it means his dinner is getting cold. He takes time to play with them almost every night even though sometimes he's so tired. I think maybe dads are just different now than they use to be. I don't remember ever doing anything one on one with either of my parents. I hope that his relationship with each of the kids just gets stronger as they get older. Jason reminds me that I need to spend quality time with the kids, playing games, listening to their stories and being interested in their lives. Sometimes I'm with the kids all day, but I haven't spent any time with them.

   Faith was such an answer to prayer. She changed my life. No matter how many kids you have, there's nothing like holding your firstborn for the first time. Faith isn't very much like me, because of that she has a lot of qualities that I really admire, of course, she has no idea. My weaknesses are her strengths. I love how she's not intimidated by anyone. She can go up to anyone and talk to them. I can't do that. She inspires me, and I'm sure has influenced me to be more friendly to the people in my life. She loves to learn and has a lot of questions. If I don't know the answers we look them up and learn together. She loves math and science. She mostly plays with boys, and is probably the only girl in her class with a Spiderman lunch box. I like that she is so comfortable with who she is. I hope she holds onto that as long as possible. I admire a lot of things about her.

   I actually cried when I found out Brady was a boy. I don't have any brothers, never really had any guy friends and didn't have a very close relationship with my dad. I only dated for two years before I met Jason. I didn't think I could raise a boy successfully. I thought I wouldn't know what to do with a boy. I was planning on having three girls. I was comfortable with that. It was a very hard pregnancy as far as the sickness and he was a really difficult baby for me to take care of. I struggled with depression and it took me a long time to bond with him. He is the most like me and probably the one I have the strongest bond with now. He is very lovable, happy, sweet,and observant but he struggles with the same things I do. He has such a hard time talking to people. I know exactly what is going on in his head. It's painful for me to watch as I relive parts of my childhood. He likes this girl at the Y. She's twenty. He can not talk to her even though she is one his favorite people. He can't keep from smiling if we mention her name, and Jason likes to tease him. Last week Brady got mad at me because he wanted me to call her and ask her to pick him up in her car and I wouldn't. I'll set up play dates with girls his own age, but if he wants to go out with a twenty year old he has to make the call himself. I'm thankful he's around people a lot more than I was and the people he is around are more encouraging and patient than the ones I grew up with. He teaches me that I need to overcome things so I can be a better example and encouragement to him.

    Kasey is our girly one. I guess she's like me in that way. I was incredibly overwhelmed when I found out about her. Brady was only ten months old and had just started sleeping through the night. I was up with him every two hours for ten months! The hope that the next night would be the one where he would finally sleep was all that kept me going. I wanted three kids, but I did not feel ready for her. It took me a while to get use to the idea. She was a much easier baby and Jason and I finally had a good system down. I wouldn't have been able to handle it otherwise. She has a very expressive face and I love watching people smile just looking at her. I like that she brings joy to people. There was an older man sitting on the couch at the Y one day. Kasey went right up to him, climbed up on his lap and started talking to him. He smiled and talked to her. She reminded him of his grand daughter. She's very affectionate and happy and excited to see everyone. Kasey teaches me to be more expressive and make people feel loved. She's the one I'm going to get to do all the girly things with.

    Cailen is very special to me because I didn't think we would have more than three kids. I knew Jason only wanted one or two so I was thankful to have three, and there was no way I was going to ask for another. After Kasey was born I was hoping to feel like our family was complete, but I didn't. I actually prayed that God would take that desire away from me. I thought it would be easier for God to change my mind than Jason's. The more I prayed for the desire to go away the stronger it became. It wasn't just for another child but specifically for a boy. I started praying that we would feel the same way about it in either direction. I finally had to talk to Jason about it because I knew it was of God. I told him I how I had been praying and what God was doing in my heart. I just asked him to pray and have an open mind about it. That was all the discussion. I couldn't stop smiling when I found about Cailen and that he was a boy. Exactly what I prayed for. He's usually so happy and content. He's been the easiest of all our children.  Cailen teaches me that when we think God has already given us too much, He gives us more.

 

Count It All Joy

     James 1:2 says to "count it all joy when we fall into various trials". A trial is trouble that breaks the pattern of peace in our lives. James says "when", not "if". They will come. These trials are designed to prove and strengthen our faith. They give us an opportunity to grow and to prove to ourselves that we really believe what we say we do.

  The hardest thing I've gone through was listening to the doctor tell us that we had less than a 1% chance of having a child. Now, we all know how that turned out, but at the time I didn't know. It was a very difficult 3 years for me. God taught me so much that I've been able to share with so many people. It took me a long time to finally get to a place where I was truly content with my situation and I really desired God's will over my own. God was very patient to watch me struggle to get to that point. What God taught me was far greater than the emotional pain. I'm more compassionate towards those going through what I went through and I'm able to listen with an understanding ear. I've received e-mail from people I don't even know who heard our story and were blessed by it. If I could go back in time and erase that painful experience in my life, I wouldn't. I am honestly thankful for it, and would have it no other way. Sometimes I wonder if that's only because God has allowed me to be able to see the reason for my suffering. Sometimes we never know why God brings pain into our lives. Job never did.

   I wonder if those who have suffered loss of a family member or those battling a serious illness feel that way. Can they truly be thankful for their circumstances? Wouldn't they change things if they could? I have a friend who is struggling with cancer. She's very open about this journey she's going through. I asked her if she had come to a point where she was truly thankful for her circumstance. I knew she would give me an honest answer, so I was a little afraid of what she would tell me. She reminded me that all our trials are tailor made just for us to bring us closer to God. She admitted that there are things she struggles with, but she gave me a longer list of all the good things that have come from it so far. She told me that she did experience joy in her suffering. That was such a comfort to me. I know that if I am in her place some day, the same God will give me the same grace that He has given her. Sometimes we can look back over our suffering and see how God orchestrated all the events and we see exactly what he was doing. Sometimes we never know. She reminded me that God does not give us the grace until we need it, so it's hard for us to understand when we aren't going through it. A part of me is a little envious of my friend because she knows God is a way that I don't.

   Not only does pain produce good in our own lives, but it can also bring out good in the lives of those around us. How would we learn to be an encouragement, if no one around us ever needed to be encouraged? Someone going through financial difficulty can teach us how to give. Taking care of the sick can teach us compassion. I know when I see someone respond to suffering in a way that glorifies God it increases my faith. Watching someone grieve in a peaceful way during a time of loss makes me see God's grace in a different way. We would never see the beauty of people coming together in a time of crisis to help those they don't even know.  Even simple acts of kindness like holding a door for a mom trying to carry too many things, or preparing a meal for someone who just got out of the hospital, or babysitting a friend's kids so they could go to a doctor's appointment would never happen if no one ever struggled and there was never any pain. Would there even be any depth in the love that we have for each other?
James goes on to say "knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

Spectrum of Christianity

   When white light hits a prism it is refracted and the light is separated into all the different colors making a rainbow. The prism has no color until the white light hits it. The prism is not the source of the color; it's a tool that displays the beauty of the original light.

   "Every thought, word, or deed emanating from us that is in any way pleasing to God and glorifying Him had it's ultimate origin in God, because apart from Him there is no good in us."-Bridges

    God's light is refracted into us. We are the prism because there is no good in us apart from Christ, and we can't produce light by ourselves. I know someone who is really good at serving others, I have another friend who's good at glorifying God through suffering. Some of us are excellent givers and others excel at being an encouragement. I know some who are very fatherly and some who are childlike. Others have great wisdom and are good teachers. All those gifts and characteristics are given to us by God, and He is all those things at once, just like the white light contains all the colors at once.  All the colors of the rainbow are beautiful on their own, but even more spectacular when they're all seen together displaying the glory of the original light. All the gifts we have been given, have been given to us to complement each other and use together to create a beautiful spectrum of Christianity pointing everyone who sees it to Christ.


 "Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit;  and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good." -1 Cor. 12:4-7

Living in Fear With A Smile On My Face

   Fear is a word I use to describe the church I grew up in and the childhood that went with it. I remember hearing sermons about Hell and going home afraid even though I knew I was a Christian. There were many sleepless nights spent in fear over the rapture and trying to pray enough to feel saved. I was terrified and I felt guilty because I didn't feel the way I was suppose to. Of course, I had to smile at church, because Christians are suppose to be happy, right? I lived in fear worrying about what bad things would happen when God would punish me for my sins. I tried really hard, but I was always afraid. There were times I worked on Wednesday evenings. I got off in time to go to church, but instead I would sit in my car and wait for my parents to drive past and then go home. I felt guilty for not going. It wasn't that I didn't want to go to church, I just didn't want to go to that church. I didn't understand God's love. God was really scary to me.

   Lately I've been studying, reading, and thinking a lot about grace. Last Saturday when I was running I was thinking about how God can't be angry with me when I sin because He poured out His wrath on the cross. Then I started thinking about how God can't even punish me for my sin because Jesus paid the price. He doesn't even hold it against me because He chose to forget. That's freedom! Freedom from trying to earn blessings and freedom from fear of judgment.  I know these things have been in my head for a long time, but they're finally starting to get into my heart. I feel like I can almost understand. There are consequences for our sin, but it's out of love to bring us back to Him and restore fellowship. Sometimes that can be painful, but it's always what's best for us and it's always out of love. It frustrates me that I can't comprehend how much God loves me. What little I do understand of God's love amazes me and makes me love Him more and myself less. It makes all the cares of this world seem so small. I wonder if sometimes we're afraid to completely embrace grace because we would have to admit that we have no control, and we all like to think we have control. My pastor preached on Hell last Sunday. For the first time, I didn't leave church in fear. I left with a better understanding of grace, because the more I understand God's anger the more I understand His love. The more I understand God's love, the more love I have for others and the easier it is to forgive them. I don't live in fear like I use to. I have joy that I've never had before! It's like falling in love, except more real.


"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love Him because He first loved us." 1 John 4:18-19

The Best Part of My Day

  I absolutely love getting up early, as early as possible! I haven't always been that way. I use to stay up until 1 or 2 and sleep in as late as I could. I'm thankful my children have gotten me out of the habit. I discovered that most of my life I had been sleeping through my favorite time of the day. There's just something about the stillness of the early morning and watching the night sky turn into day. I love it.

   I grew up reading my one chapter in the Bible every night. I can't say I enjoyed it. I admit it was actually quite boring to me, but I knew it was the right thing to do, so I did it. I know that wasn't the best motive, but probably not the worst either. Now, I can't wait to get up in the morning and read my Bible and other Christian books, and commentaries. I'm like a kid that never wants to sleep, but since I'm a grownup I know sleep is important if I want to be of any use during the day. Sometimes when I tuck Brady in at night he says to me, "Please mom, don't let me sleep long."  I'm the same way when I go to bed, "Please Lord, don't let me sleep long." I often pray that God will give me a hunger for the Bible and a desire to learn and understand spiritual things.  He has answered that prayer in an amazing way. It seems that no matter how early I get up I always wish I had more time. No doubt, some wonder how I'm able to find time to read so many books, with four kids and a part time job. I get up early, very early, and I don't watch much TV.  I have no desire to. That's another thing He changed in me.  We all make time for the things we love, and this is something I desperately love! I don't have a very dramatic salvation story. I was four so there was no big life change. I'm very comforted that I can look back on my life and see how God did dramatically change it over time. I know I need to be more of a Martha and less of a Mary. I struggle with neglecting service because I'm consumed with worship and learning. I know people think I'm strange for not only choosing to get up early, but also using that time to do something that most people don't enjoy. I don't do it to feel more spiritual or so God will bless me, it's purely out of love. It's what I want to do, more than anything else.


Psalm 63:1 "God, you are my God; early will I seek you; my soul thirsts for you in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water."

Too Much of a Good Thing

   I am a very unemotional person; certainly not the type to cry over coffee commercials. My husband is often frustrated because he can't read me due to my lack of reaction. I like to listen to music because it brings some emotion out of me. About a year ago I made a comment to my husband that I wished I liked CCM because then I would have more variety to my music. I was joking around, but serious at the same time. That was back when I thought all CCM was worldly. I admit that even though I thought some of my friends listened to worldly music I was a little envious of them because they could listen to it with a clear conscience and I couldn't. The music I was listening to was getting stale. I wanted to listen to Christian music and though I loved the words they were loosing their impact on me. I was getting bored and often the music itself would leave me feeling depressed. Because of that I didn't listen to music much anymore. I don't know how I changed. I guess God gave me the desire to have an open mind so he could give me the gift of music. He knew that I needed to feel emotion because that was an area where I was lacking. I'm not saying that we should be overly emotional, but I would pray that God would move me to tears over what He did for me. It had been a long time since I had those feelings and I feared they were gone forever. When people grow up in church they can become calloused to spiritual things. That's what happened to me and it really bothered me.  My "Spanish" friend posted a song on his FB page. It was "Before the Throne of God Above". I must have forgotten how powerful music could be because it really caught me off guard, overwhelming me and bringing me to tears. It was very moving and an answer to my prayers. It awakened something in my heart that I feared was gone. None of us would want to listen to the same music all the time, just like we don't like to dress the same or eat the same things every day. God made us to be creative just like He is. We need variety or we get use to good things and forget how good they are.

The Good in Others

   I've been noticing lately that the the qualities I love most in my friends are also characteristics of Christ. Could this perhaps be a way we are created in God's image? unconditional love, a friend who defends, or protects from an unknown danger or hurt, someone who is always available, someone who listens without judgement, someone who values others, and sees needs and meets them, someone who is wise and thoughtful, compassionate, giving, happy.

    I believe there is no good thing in me apart from Christ, and anything good that I do is all because of Him. Maybe all these things I love in people are all clues pointing to what God is like. Yet, so many of us picture a spirit floating around without any kind of emotion or a very just God with no love ready to punish us every time we break a rule. That is not the kind of person He reveals himself to be in Scripture, or creation or even in us. I think Satan wants our perception of God to be really distorted, so He's less appealing to us and we don't see God for who He really is. I imagine all the things I read about Jesus in the Bible and the beauty I see in creation and what I love about my friends all in one person. That is the God of the Bible. He is the One who loves me and thinks about me and died for me.

Peter, Do You Love Me?

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek". Rom 1:16

    I've been thinking lately about how many Christians have very little emotion for spiritual things? We quietly sit through church as if it's more of a religious ritual, than an act of worship and an opportunity to learn. Then we go home and go about our normal activities as if we were completely unaffected by the Gospel. If we truly loved God wouldn't that come out in our conversation? Wouldn't He consume our thoughts to the point where everything around us reminded us of Him? It seems that many of us only talk about God when we're in church. Shouldn't the love of God excite us so much that we create opportunities to talk about Him? We're excited to talk about other things we love. Things that we should love far less in comparison. I find it so natural to talk to some people about spiritual things and so awkward to talk to others, especially Christians. I don't know why that is and it really bothers me.  We would probably all say that we are not ashamed of the Gospel, but maybe we are.

What Were You Thinking?

     Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking about when He created me?  He says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I know everything He makes is very intentional and with great thought. I can see evidence of that in His other creations. Have you ever noticed the detail and symmetry of something in nature or how something is created in a very unique way to suit a special purpose? God made me to be a quiet and reflective person. I know He had a reason for that. I know it was intentional and thought out.

     One day, when I was in high school,my pastor/teacher called me into his office and told me that I needed to change my personality. I think he was trying to encourage me, but he was really bad at it. He told me I needed to come out of my shell and not be so withdrawn.  He was a big reason for the shell. I was very intimidated by him and he made fun of me often, but he made fun of a lot of people. He often didn't know when to stop as do most people with that personality type. We all have our obstacles to overcome. For a long time I thought that people wouldn't accept me unless I was more outgoing. I just couldn't will myself to be that way, so I came to the conclusion that because I was quiet I would never have any real friendships. I accepted that I would not be loved or do anything great for God because of the quietness I could not overcome. When someone did reach out to me, I figured they were doing it for the  purpose of ministry not because of friendship. In my mind they were either just trying to get me to keep going to their church or they were trying to do a good deed. I always felt that my quietness was a very negative thing. I'm learning that God created me this way on purpose to better do the things he wants me to do. I'm trying to figure out what my gifts are and use them for God's glory. There are many  obstacles I'm trying to overcome. I'm very intimidated by men, especially those in authority, and I do tend to isolate myself from people. I'm working on that and I'm a lot better than I was. I've discovered that the more people accept me the way I am, the more comfortable I am around them and the more I do come out of my shell. I'm thankful for my friends that have been very patient with me and, at times have pulled me way out of my comfort zone. Some have encouraged me to do things that I really wanted to do, but was just too afraid.

Psalm 139 13-16
For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

What I Really Think of my Wedding Ring

   I love my wedding ring. I especially like to admire the diamonds and sapphires when they sparkle in the sunlight. It's the most beautiful thing I own. I watch the light reflect off my ring as I turn it slightly, and my mind leaves the cares of this world and goes to Heaven. The Bible talks about sapphires and other gems when describing Heaven. I begin to wonder what heavenly sapphires must look like. He knew the things he created in this world wouldn't last forever. Maybe he saved his best creativity for his creation in Heaven.
   I wonder if this earth is a shadow of greater things. When I see a rainbow I wonder if there will be rainbows in Heaven that will be a thousand times more spectacular. I wonder if the most beautiful things of this earth will seem dull in comparison to greater versions of them in Heaven. We are made in the image of God; maybe Earth is made in the image of Heaven.
   I love that I have a constant reminder of Heaven always with me.

"The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with every kind of jewel. The first was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald,"  Rev. 21:19

From Workout to Worship

     My dad decided to be a runner when he turned 50 and since then has run in the Boston marathon. After Faith was born I needed some motivation to get back into shape. Seeing how much he loved it inspired me to give it a try. I saw people running on the treadmills at the Y. They would go for 10 minutes or more!  I just couldn't understand how a person could run for that long. It was a struggle for me to just run for 2 minutes. Just because a person is skinny does not mean they are in shape!  I eventually got up to a 10 minute run and then a mile. I can't say I enjoyed it at this point, but I was working towards running a 5K. I ran the River Bank Run and it was amazing!  It was a pretty big race and there were people cheering for the runners the entire way.  If you suffer from low self esteem having people continually encourage you for a good 35-40 minutes can be pretty uplifting.  I continued running after I reached my goal. I ran 1 mile 3 days a week on the treadmill. I still didn't really enjoy it, but I knew it was good exercise. I've done 4 5Ks. One after the birth of each of my children.

     I started enjoying it more over the last couple years. Probably because I do it outside now instead of on a treadmill. I like to run by myself. It's really the only time I'm ever alone. Just me, my music, and creation all around me. I thank God for good health and the ability to run. I like to feel the wind blowing against me and the warmth of the sun on a cool day. I feel strong and weak at the same time.  Sometimes I stop running and walk for a few seconds with my eyes closed, just to savor the moment and enjoy it to its fullest.  I love watching the clouds especially early in the morning. I enjoy watching the sky constantly change. Someday I'm going to get in a car accident because I'm so distracted by it. Last Tuesday while running I noticed how the sunlight was shinning through the leaves of a tree as I ran past, I took note of it and  started walking. It was beautiful and I wanted time to enjoy and appreciate it. I praise God for all the evidence of Him surrounding me. Running can be a very worshipful experience. Those are the times I feel closest to God. Once in a while when I'm meditating on the words of the music and worshiping God through creation I feel like He's walking right beside me, like I could almost see him. I love those moments, but they don't happen often. Sometimes when I'm done running or need to take a break I swing on the playground. I'm sure it looks silly, but I love to swing! I always have. I like to listen to my music, look up into the sky and just think about things. It's relaxing and fills me with such joy. This is typically how I begin a Tuesday. Running started out as a forced workout that I endured and has evolved into this wonderful, energizing, enjoyable thing that I look forward to. I can run for an hour now. I would have never thought that was possible. I thank God for every opportunity to run because I know the ability won't last forever. I cherish it.

Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the sky displays his handiwork."

Book List

These are a few of my favorite Christian books.  Someone recently asked me for a list of recommendations, and I thought I would share that list with all of you.


The Genesis Record by Morris
This is a scientific commentary, and reads more like a novel. Genesis is my favorite book of the Bible.  The science and history in this book make the characters and places more real.

Respectable Sins by Bridges
If you think you are a good person, read this book. You aren't.

The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus
This is a great book to read when salvation starts to feel really complicated. I love this book because it reminds me of the simple message of the Bible and allows me to see the Bible as a whole and not a lot of short stories put together in one book.

Having a Mary Heart In A Martha World

The Case for Christ by Strobel
This book was written by a former atheist who set out on an investigation to disprove Christianity.

One Thousand Gifts by Voskamp-
This is a beautifully written book about being thankful for all the little things and seeing the blessings God places right in front of you.

The Pursuit of God by Tozer


Leading Little Ones to God by Schooland
This is a great book to read to your kids when they start asking tough questions like, "Why can't I see God, How can God be everywhere at once, Why does sin have to be punished, What is baptism, etc." The author does an excellent job explaining these subjects in a way that a child could understand.

The Pharisees' Guide to Total Holiness by William Coleman
I really liked reading about the history of the Pharisees. This book gave me a better understanding of them and made me see better how we all have a pharisee living within ourselves.

The Little Things...

  There's a man in our church that gives fruit snacks to the kids after the Sunday night service. I was watching Faith write a thank you note to him a couple days ago and it made me think about how little things really can make a big difference in someone's life.  It also reminded me of a commitment I made to myself many months ago to say thank you more and let people know that I appreciated them.  I found too often I would be blessed by something indirectly and would keep it to myself. I thought about the times when people did little things for me and how how much of a blessing it was. I remember some of the meals people made for me when I brought a baby home from the hospital. I can  remember specific people and what they made for us nearly 8 years ago when Faith was born. I've received notes of encouragement at times I didn't expect, but really needed. Recently someone called and let me know she appreciated something I wrote.  It meant so much to me that she would take the time to do that.  Eph 2:10 says "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."  I love that God gives us gifts and prepares special opportunities for each of us to use them, being a blessing to the giver and the receiver.

     I have a friend who has the gift of hospitality.  She always makes sure everyone has a place to go for the holidays. If you stop by unexpected, she will make you feel at home no matter how many things she has going on. She's good at it, because it comes naturally to her. It's her gift, what she was made to do. I know her life has been a blessing to many. I have another friend who can talk to people she hardly knows like she's been friends with them for years. She makes everyone around her feel loved, accepted, and valued.  I want to encourage everyone to figure out what their gifts are and look for opportunities to use them.

   You never know the past pains someone has gone through.  Even if someone looks happy on the outside, they might really be hurting on the inside. When you do know someone is going through hard times it is often much worse than they let on. I felt burdened to pray for a friend a couple years ago and casually let her know. I found out a couple months later that at the time I was praying she was going through a time of uncertainty. There was another time that I made a card for a friend just just to let her know I was praying for her. She read the card and then came over to me and sat down.  She was so touched by it, because she was going through something really difficult that I didn't know about. She proceeded to tell me what was going on in her life. Sometimes just being a good listener is all a person needs.

     Something that I like to do, but don't do often enough is compliment someone I don't know very well or not at all. It's so unexpected. I love to see a smile appear on their seemingly unfriendly face. I think taking five seconds to brighten someone's day is a very good use of time.  You just never know what a person might be going through and how far a simple act of kindness can go.

What are some of the little things that someone has done that have meant a lot to you?.

Christianity Without Culottes

     I grew up in an Independent Fundamental Baptist church.  The kind of church where the women wore dresses, the men wore suits, and the pastor pounded the pulpit and preached out of a King James Bible.  Our music choices were classical, Majesty Music, Wilds,etc. (the etc. doesn't include much more).  I wasn't allowed to go to movies or even rent them.  I don't think I owned a pair of pants until after I graduated from high school.  It was ok for other people to violate these unspoken rules, because they didn't know better. I did. I remember being at a sledding activity one winter.( I grew up in MI). I didn't really want to go, but missing a church activity was not an option. I was a bit of a nerd anyway, but wearing sweat pants under my culottes was just too much even for me.  I remember sitting in the bus in my culottes and a girl wearing jeans came up to me (she was obviously a visitor).  She asked me why we wore shorts in the winter. This was followed by an awkward silence and then I said it was because we felt like they were more modest than pants. She accepted my answer and walked away. I felt so stupid telling her that, but that was what they told me. I couldn't tell her the truth. "They aren't shorts, they're culottes.  My parents make me wear them because if I didn't they would receive criticism from the church!" , so I just went with the church answer.  I don't think that girl ever came back.  When I was dating my husband, we went to the lake one afternoon when he came to visit.  I got in big trouble for wearing shorts to the lake. Not really because I was wearing shorts, but more importantly a family from our church lived at the lake and they might see me.  The extent of my teenage rebellion. (actually I was 21 at the time)  There was so much emphasis on separation from the world and looking like a Christian and being a good testimony but it went too far.  I know the church meant well, but I think they did more to drive people away from Christianity than to draw them in. We made it look so unappealing. We made it look like if you choose Christ you had to give up movies, music, and a lot of other fun things, and  if that wasn't bad enough, you also had to wear culottes!  We had a testimony, but I don't think it was a good one. I think people either felt sorry for us or made fun of us. Teenage girls walking around town dressed like old ladies, how could anyone not make fun of that! I really didn't like my church for these reasons and so many more that I won't get into. I wish that my parents would have moved away. It makes me sad that a church took good things to an extreme and made it legalistic. I know they had good motives and I hold nothing against them.

      When my husband and I got married and started looking for our own church we actually looked for a church similar to what I just described.  I know that doesn't make any sense. Maybe it's like when a person leaves an abusive relationship only to go to another abusive relationship. I think we were convinced that what we grew up with was right and anything else was wrong. We were really afraid of being in a bad church. Neither of us grew up learning how to think for ourselves.  Our standards were decided for us, by our parents and then by BJ.  I was taught to trust the pastor, to do things the way he did them, that his way was the right way and not to question authority. We visited a lot of churches and many times we walked in, saw drums, turned around and walked out.  We didn't even give them a chance because we wanted a church with high music standards like we had growing up.  We knew that music was the first thing that went bad in a church.  Churches with drums meant emotional, empty music and fifteen minute motivational speaches about how we should all love each other.  Stop laughing.  We eventually moved to SC where we fell in love with a wonderful church and can't imagine going anywhere else. I remember going to one of our first church activities. It was summertime and so hot.  I was very surprised that a lot of the ladies had shorts on, and that no one was looking at them with that judgmental stare I knew so well.  I thought shorts were just something you wore on vacation or when you were sure no one from church would see you. I started going to Ladies Bible Study. I felt really dressed up when I got there and most of the ladies had jeans on.  "Really? it's ok to wear pants... in church!"  Again, everyone was so nice to each other. The ladies in skirts and dresses had no bad feelings toward the ladies in pants.

      As I mentioned before we were not fans of any type of CCM.  It repulsed me. I would always turn the volume down when it was on tv. The sound of it bothered me and I wanted nothing to do with it.  We started noticing that a lot of our Christian FB friends liked certain CCM groups. Part of me was sad that so many Christians were letting worldliness creep into their hearts through music. Part of me noticed that these were strong Christians for which I had great respect. Maybe it was good music. I didn't know. One of my friends posted a song on his FB page. It was Casting Crowns singing "Living He Loved Me". For the first time I listened to it with an open mind. It was beautiful and it gave God glory. Something changed in me. That person was not offending the weaker Christian, he was encouraging me to have an open mind and proving to me that not all CCM is full of empty words. My pastor preached a message about music, but I was sick that Sunday. I heard some talk of a controversial sermon regarding music, so of course, I wanted to hear to it. My children were quiet enough for me to listen to it on my computer one afternoon. I had heard a lot of preaching about music, but nothing like this. My pastor never said if he listened to CCM or not.  He was very clever not to give me the option of following his preference. He made me think for myself. After 30 years of listening to the same music, I was getting bored. It was all starting to sound the same. I started listening to the radio and I borrowed some cds from a friend.  Remember I had never been exposed to this type of music before. Some of it I didn't like, but some of it I loved. I love Chris Tomlin's song "Indescribable" and Laura Story's "Blessings".  Do you have any idea what it's like to listen to a whole new kind of music that you've never heard?  It's amazing!  It awakened something inside my soul. It made me feel alive and free.

      I came from an environment where Christianity looked like it was all about giving up a lot of fun things and dressing really strange. That is not Christianity; that's religion. That was trying to do things to earn God's love.  God can not love us any more or any less. His love is perfect. He loves us just the way we are. We don't have to give up anything. I must warn you though, the Gospel will change every area of your life. You will give up things, but it won't be because you have to, it will be because you want to.